I love my husband and cheat on him. Why a husband cheats: a look at the problem from the side of men and women
From the many reviews on forums on the Internet, we can conclude that the problem of her husband's infidelity is very relevant and widespread. Many women cannot understand why a husband is cheating, let's try to understand this topic using the opinions of psychologists, men and women.
What pushes a husband to cheat
There is a generally accepted opinion that the reason for a husband's betrayal should be sought precisely in the family and in the woman next to him. But here's what studies say: it turns out that more than half of the men who cheat on their wives say that the family is just full order, they have happy families and good wives. He "goes to the left", but loves his wife and is not going to divorce her. Yes, and what about those men who cheated on their women before marriage, because no family problems and trouble with future wife still did not even exist!
Listening to the opinions of both sides, why husband is coming on treason, there is a clear tendency that men try in every possible way to justify their actions, blaming their wives for everything, and women, speaking about their husbands with very unflattering words, also do not notice that they are wrong in some of their actions.
Causes of infidelity from a male point of view
So, what are the main reasons for infidelity men call:
- Habit and boredom in relationships.
- Long separation or lack of attention from the wife.
- Thirst for adventure and self-assertion.
- Changing the appearance of the wife.
- Not common themes and interests.
- Wife's infidelity.
The first reason that men call as a reason for betrayal is boredom and routine in a relationship. Usually this happens when a family goes into a period of love-friendship, children appear, and romance leaves the relationship or moves away to other plans. A woman who is busy with children and the house narrows her circle of interests somewhat, and there is often nothing to talk with her about.
The man begins to accuse the woman of not giving enough of those romantic feelings what they were before. On the other hand, maybe not only the woman is to blame for the lack of romance, maybe the man should also work a little to return feelings. Because an escape to the left is not a solution to the problem, but an escape from it, and besides, dishonest: I will be distracted, gain sensations, and you continue to wash, clean, cook. If a man really loves his wife, then why not help her become interesting again?
Take on some of the responsibilities so that she has time for her interests, by the way, this also applies to the item on appearance. She will be able to go to a beauty salon, a gym, pay attention to her own appearance. And it will not be difficult for a husband to pick up his own child from school and teach lessons with him, for example.
Complaining that your wife does not devote enough time to you, that she has become neglected, does not have common interests with you, think about it, because she simply does not have time for this. After all, she needs to be both a mistress, and a mother, and a smart girl, and a beauty, and a lover. But what to do if all the time was spent on being a mistress and mother, and there is no strength left for the last three desires, which are very important for a man? Help her, be a man and a father to children, and then most of the points will disappear by themselves.
Women about male infidelity
Some women treat their husband's infidelity simply - if he changes, then he doesn't love, and if he doesn't love, then I don't need him like that. Here the position is quite definite and clear. Another thing is if the question is: the husband is cheating, what should I do? And tears. A situation where it is clear that it is hard to carry and it is a pity to throw it away.
Let's not talk about men who have turned relationships with women into a sport and are measured by their achievements. Their motives are completely understandable. And if a woman has created a family with such a man, then this is already her conscious choice, she must understand that there is no need to have any illusions that he will settle down until the pension hits. He is glad that he found such a comfortable wife, so he cheats and does not leave.
Let's talk about those who at first seemed quite homely and family.
One of the most painful topics is cheating on a pregnant wife. Here you are a scoundrel. A woman is carrying your child, it’s hard for her both physically and psychologically, and also these damned hormones, which, alas, you can’t get anywhere. And you, instead of support and care, take and hit harder - treason. The wife begins to feel guilty, her body has changed, you have changed, this is a sign that she is no longer wanted. Now, on top of that, there are a lot of complexes that have already gnawed somewhere inside, and you gave them a huge piece of food. Home tantrums are provided to you. Who did you do better?
But after all, it is far from always only the man who is to blame for betrayal during this period. Many times I have met women who reported: I am pregnant, so you must and ... a list as long as a roll of toilet paper. All thoughts are absorbed only by themselves, and the husband is set aside and gets out of need. And in this situation, there are cunning women on the side who will not miss the opportunity to get a man who has fallen out of his wife's field of vision, providing him with consolation and oblivion of problems. Although everything, of course, depends on the upbringing and moral values of each person. After all, it doesn't have to change.
Very often, women simply wind themselves up and get jealous for absolutely no reason, for example: I had a dream that he was cheating on me.
When a husband cheats on you, this does not mean that you are to blame, he is an adult who knows how to make decisions consciously. If, despite the understanding that with his betrayal he will hurt his loved one, he still cheats, this is his own choice and the man should only blame himself for this.
Video on the topic of the article
Does a leftist make a marriage stronger? Even if he is VERY good? “Yes, I love my husband, but sometimes I cheat on him,” a modern lady confesses at a psychologist's appointment. “He is so wonderful! But from time to time you want something like that ... An explosion of emotions, you know? The reasons for women's campaigns "to the left" are always more serious than men's reasons. And under the desire for "such" is often hidden a whole heap of motives for betrayal. Let's try to figure it out, shall we?
“I love my husband, but I cheat on him” - 5 possible motivating reasons
1. Acute lack of attention from a loved one: it is she who provokes most betrayals. A woman who does not know how to occupy herself is bored. And sincerely and passionately loving - it’s also insulting. “After all, recently everything was so great! We spent every free minute together, and now he ... ”, the young lady complains. Still: the instinct of the conqueror is satisfied, the husband is now dealing with no less pressing issues. He earns money, devotes time to forgotten friends, remembered a hobby and an unfinished volume of Dan Brown. The offended spouse seeks the usual admiration and worship wherever she can. Often she goes too far in this, and here the most curious thing begins: the husband, like any male, on a subconscious level feels the fact of betrayal. He turns his attention to his wife (finally!). The woman gets what she wanted. Because she is still loving, the third-party connection is broken by her. Over time, the husband calms down and again ceases to pay attention to his wife. The circle is closed...
Nuance: sincerely loving wife to decide on treason is almost unrealistic. She simply will not find an object worthy of her attention. However, there are situations when a seemingly decent young lady "sits down" on promiscuity, like a drug. This is especially likely if the husband (alas!) cannot catch her on anything specific. Or does not want to catch? Indifference destroys relationships slowly but inevitably;
2. Imperfection of the second half in bed: most men regularly go "to the side" for this reason. And only every tenth of the women. See the nuance from paragraph 1. Based on it, the wife, rather, will try to somehow establish a bed life. Fortunately, there are many ways to do this now, and they are all in open access: literature, videos, wumbling classes, strip dance and much more;
3. " I love my husband, but I cheat on him with a childhood friend (classmate, work colleague, older brother best friend ), whom I also love”: this happens much more often than one might think. Life is an intricate thing, you can get married for love, and then discover in yourself a kind of split personality. One of your half sincerely loves and respects your spouse. The second cannot contain her feelings for Anton, with whom you once sat at a desk and met at a 10-year reunion of graduates. Or maybe the genius of the course Volodya, with whom you were in love, has returned from America? Separation did not stand the test of time, you got married, and now, it seems, passion is returning ...;
4. Occasionally in the female camp there are betrayals out of curiosity. He famous singer, and you have been a fan of his compositions since childhood, and now you are lucky. How not to be tempted? Holiday romances are also equated to these - a short flash of passion for a charming mulatto (tanned blond, wealthy Arab), as a rule, does not lead to anything serious. Nothing but the possible destruction of your family. Not such a small thing, right?
5. It is worth mentioning such a fact, like domestic violence. Perhaps his friend is harassing you (although what kind of friend is he after that?), Or the boss. Or the director of your company threatens to fire him if he disobeys, and you have children, and your man doesn't earn much. Sometimes you give in, without any desire. But you're too shy to tell your husband...
Ride lovers, remember about the sled!
Possible consequences of betrayal
Loss of confidence: will follow for sure if a man finds out about your campaign "to the left." You will have to lick your wounds for a long time and beg for forgiveness - no matter what pushes you to this step, he will still be the injured party, even in the case of the reason from paragraph No. 5;
Loss of husband: very possible. rare person can stay close to the woman who betrayed him. Options for the development of events are diverse, ranging from instant withdrawal to exhausting scandals. later life, which can only be called existence;
Loss of self-respect: having decided on treason under the influence of a minute (or an extra glass of champagne), decent (and loving husband!) the woman then gnaws herself with reproaches of conscience;
Loss of health: it is possible! Chaotic relationships with unfamiliar males can leave a “gift” as a keepsake, from which a condom will not save;
Loss of peace: not only mentally, but also physically. What if a random gentleman wants to continue the relationship? Motive reason No. 3 also does not imply a quiet life: the gentleman turns out to be far from accidental;
We have listed far from all the possible consequences of treason. As you can see, no good! So let me give you some advice: if this happened to you, in no case do not confess to your husband. Even if it reminds you of the once-promised frankness. Even if he says that he will not reproach him with a word, and in general he is to blame. Even if the pangs of conscience do not let you sleep at night. Do not confess to your husband, because in this case he is lying! The most loving, affectionate, homely and sweet "baby" in the depths of his soul is a male and an owner. He differs from the quick-tempered macho only in that your confession will not end in assault (perhaps). Deny everything, even if the facts are indisputable: a smart woman can always come up with something to justify herself. As for pangs of conscience... You will have to bear this cross yourself.
“I love my husband, but I’m cheating ...” - do you recognize yourself in the place of the “lost” young lady? Or maybe you are a man, eager to express your opinion on a similar situation? Share with us and our readers in the comments. And if the article helped you, click on the button below social network and let your friends read it!
Hello. My husband and I met for 2 years, got married on the third, in a week it will be a year from the date of the wedding. Daughter 3 months The problem is that my husband loves to chat and flirt with other women. Constant correspondence in social networks, which he deletes. Constantly new friends in classmates. Once, a year after I found an acquaintance, I caught him cheating - he did not have time to delete the correspondence. We broke up, but not for long. He came to ask for forgiveness and I forgave, but warned that I would not forgive another betrayal. Then, literally 2 months before the wedding, he asked me to transfer the photo from his old phone to my beech, and there I saw naked girls and his genitals. That is, they exchanged photos over the same networks (he deleted them from the phone, but they remained in the photo storage), but I loved him very much and wanted a child from him, so I forgave him again. After the birth of the child, she again caught him cheating ... he said that he went to another friend (at night), but it turned out to be with an old friend. And, judging by the correspondence, they have periodic meetings with intimacy, but both deny it. I don't believe there was nothing between them. The husband asks for forgiveness, promises to improve, says that he loves. I don't believe in anything. He doesn't want to leave us. I have no relatives in this city, and now I have no money to go to another city, and since September I have to go to work. The only thing that stops me is my daughter, he loves her, and she is very drawn to him. I can no longer say that I love him. I don't trust him and I don't trust him. Every night I dream of other men (unfamiliar to me) with whom I fall in love .... my husband says that he loves me and he doesn’t need anyone except me, but he can’t answer my questions - why does he go to another at night, he says that because he drank, but he started the correspondence while still sober ... in general, I don’t know what to do.
Elena, Tomsk, 30 years old
Answer:
Psychologist-consultant
Hello, Elena.
Now more and more often we meet with the problem of male immaturity, as well as with the problem of absolutization of sex as an accessible and "healthy" pleasure. Even some psychologists say that child masturbation, for example, does not harm either the health or the psyche of the child. But no one talks about the fact that later an adult grows out of this child, for whom sex on the first call is a pleasure that he does not want and cannot refuse, while destroying his relationships and family - no one talks. Cheating has become the norm, and, apparently, your husband has become a victim of this worldview and lifestyle. This is hard for the family, but if there is love, then such an immature partner can be re-educated. You need to start this spiritual re-education of a loved one with yourself, because two people dance the tango. I can offer you to work individually (perhaps via Skype). You have a chance to save your family and establish harmonious relations in it.
Sincerely, Oksana Alberti.
