Talk about your feelings experiences. Emotional reticence
We all take very seriously first love in adolescence and then remember it throughout life. In our feelings there is nothing to be ashamed of, although not everyone thinks so. Why is it so difficult for some of us to confess our feelings to another person? Why are we afraid to say what we are experiencing? Perhaps this is because we are afraid of being rejected. Let's try to figure out why most of us are scared by words about love and it is easier for us to hide our feelings behind coldness and inaccessibility.
When we say “I love you” to a person, we thereby unconsciously deprive ourselves of freedom and assume some responsibilities that may frighten us. We are also afraid of changes, as we are accustomed to an established lifestyle. We are worried that, having assumed responsibility, then we will not be able to cope with it. The unknown scares us, because we cannot know how such changes will affect our lives. Before we uttered these treasured words, we are free people, and as soon as we said we doomed ourselves to a relationship. Trusting a person, we are afraid to get used to it and even more worry about how we would not be broken heart and abandoned as unnecessary. Because after such events it will be even harder to rehabilitate. That is, we are kind of looking ahead. Thus, one can trace the trend of falling in love. In youth, having not yet experienced disappointments in love, we unconditionally and blindly fall in love, trust, and easily accept new relationships. In adulthood, falling in love, much less admitting to it, is much more difficult. Affects experience life years and past relationships. We are afraid that a loved one will be disappointed in us. With us there is always a fear of destroying fragile relationships regarding love. It’s possible that some of us can say no to pride in love. Or maybe we do not make high-profile confessions, because we ourselves are not sure whether the person is next to us, whether we really love him. People are afraid to miss something better in their life, having a constant, and when they miss this, they understand that this was the best. The great and wise Boccaccio once said: "It is better to do and repent than not to do and repent." And he was certainly right. It’s better to tell the person about your feelings and find out what he thinks about this. You may have mutual affection. And if not, then at least you will cease to be tormented by doubts.
Having received a positive response from your chosen one, do not forget that love is not just words. It must be constantly proved. It should be manifested in daily attention, affection, tenderness and care. Therefore, let your love for man be expressed in deeds.
Talk about your feelings, demonstrate them, do not be shy. Perhaps this is your soulmate with whom you will have a long and harmonious relationship. Who knows, maybe for life.
Material prepared on the basis of open sources.
QUESTION FOR PSYCHOLOGISTS
Asks: Olya (2013-10-01 02:06:45)
Hello, I’m very worried about the question of why I cannot say words of love to people close to me. My boyfriend says several times a day that he loves me, and in response I can only squeeze out that I, too. And to fully say "I love you" is obtained only in writing, by SMS ... I love him, but every time I want to say this, some kind of barrier bothers me. My young man is very offended that I am silent about my feelings ...
RESPONSES OF PSYCHOLOGISTS
Hello, Olya!
Do you love yourself? Try to say to yourself in front of the mirror "I love you."
You need to take care of yourself, your own self-esteem. Or maybe you just don’t like him?
respectfully
Chvalun Evgeny Viktorovich, psychologist Ryazan
Hello, Olya.
Thanks for your question. It is so interesting storywhen there are feelings, but something prevents you from talking about them.
I dare to suggest that as a little girl, you rarely heard words of love from your parents. Well, you know, those words that come from the soul, which are accompanied by a gleam in the eyes, an unobtrusive kiss and which are emotionally warm and sincere. I suppose that your mother did not often pamper you with her "I love you, daughter!". Hence your stopper. Well, a person cannot give more than he has, or with what he received. And if this is so, then in your case you can try to just train to say it, and you can also take a course of good psychotherapy, where you can get everything that was not enough from your parents from an emotionally warm specialist and then emotions will flow to your beloved yourself.
I wish you a lot of love and tenderness in life.
Sincerely, Alyona Shikova.
Shikova Alyona Sergeevna, psychologist Novosibirsk
Hello, Olya. Unfortunately, you were not taught to express feelings in the parental family. It is likely that you did not express warm feelings. And when in early childhood You wanted to hear them, you weren’t given them, and you were disappointed. Because you could be told. -To love you, you have to help your mom, and you are an unscrupulous girl. That is, to express love now with words means that you believe, that you are ashamed of your badness and will not be reciprocated. To say-I also love you means to feel good and trust that you are loved as good. But, YOU are not sure that you are really good. In order not to get injured, you suppress the fear of hearing that you, too, are loved. When your man speaks of love, you don’t in the case of responsibility for his feelings, in this option you are calmer. since you, as it were, do not guarantee anything. The way out is to increase your self-esteem. Being confident that you are good, you will easily talk about your love for him and ask for a response.
Karataev Vladimir Ivanovich, psychologist Volgograd
Who definitely does not have problems with expressing their feelings is in young children. Unfortunately, as people grow older, many people lose the ability to express their emotions, suppress them, mistakenly believing that they are doing this way better for themselves and others. But unexpressed feelings do not go anywhere, they accumulate inside, which can lead to nervous tension. This article will help you learn how to express your feelings, both positive and negative.
Why do you need to express your feelings?
Firstly, the ability to express one’s feelings increases self-confidence, helps to get out of conflict situations with the least loss.
Secondly, in order to build long-lasting and strong relationships with people, one must be able to express both positive and negative emotions. If you do not do this, the negative accumulated to a critical mass will result in an open conflict, which is much more difficult to deal with. And the expression of positive feelings helps to strengthen relationships, show a partner or friend how you value him.
Thirdly, the suppression of emotions leads to anxiety, worsening well-being.
Everyone can learn to express their feelings, if there is a desire.
How to do this in an article
We all know that women are much more emotional and frank than men. Well, what to do, they have such a character. And no matter how much we try to fight this, we are setting up scandals and we are going into frank conversations. All to no avail. They are silent.
Today we will tell you why a man is so afraid to admit to you his feelings.
1. Stiffness.
They do not consider it necessary to constantly talk about their feelings, unlike girls. They believe that one confession is enough. As a joke you can sometimes hear: "if something changes, I will let you know."
But we are different - we constantly need to hear “I love you”, without these words, we begin to feel at ease, it begins to seem to us that we have ceased to love, that feelings are fading.
Do not bother your man with a request to talk about your feelings, you can achieve the opposite effect - in spite of it you will be even more silent and constrained. Such a “battle” can lead to decay.
2. Fear.
Some guys are just afraid to talk about their feelings. After all, a man, in the view of society. It should be brutal and tough, and talking about feelings is not at all masculine. He is afraid of ridicule from friends who may find this behavior too sensitive and begin to mimic it.
Really bad. When a man depends on the opinions of those around him. In this case, there is a danger of being abandoned only because someone from his circle of friends did not like you. Such a man is weak and weak-willed, so you should not be particularly upset because of parting with such a person.
If you offer young man to talk “about our feelings”, then assure him that talking openly about feelings is in the order of things and that his feelings are fully justified.
3. Unpleasant experience of past relationships.
It’s another matter if a man doesn’t talk about feelings, considering it a weakness in the eyes of a girl. This may be due to the unpleasant experience of past relationships, which killed his confidence in the female sex. For example, he confessed to the girl his feelings, and she, using his feelings, broke his heart. Or after the confession called him a weakling.
In this case, you should show with all your actions that he can fully rely on you, that you are reliable. Be honest with him and do what you say.
Of course, it is not a fact that after all this he will immediately reveal his feelings to you and will constantly repeat his love. It takes time for him to move away from past unpleasant experiences and open up for new feelings.
4. Education.
There are families in which it is not customary to express their emotions. If the child has never heard parents openly talking about their feelings for each other, then you are unlikely to get the words “I love you” from him either. Perhaps your man is from such a family.
If you have just such a situation, then you should explain to him how important it is to talk openly about your feelings and not restrain your emotions. And be an example to him to talk about your feelings, about your positive emotions and impressions
Over time, you will notice that your young man begins to abandon the old model of behavior and get used to the new one.
It doesn't matter what the reason is that your man is not telling you about his feelings. If you know that he loves you, then just be patient, persuade him and prove your love to him in word and deed.
