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Reasons for treason husband. Why do men change




Text: Steve Harvey, excerpt from the book “Do as a Woman, Think Like a Man” (Act Like a Lady - Think Like a Man), is published with abbreviations

We have already tried to find the answer to the eternal question "Why is the mistress better than his wife," when created. Well, now we offer you a masculine look at the problem. Meet the version of Steve Harvey, a best-selling author of gender relations.

For most women, adultery is unthinkable and unforgivable ... You believe that if you said “love” to him, then the least that your man can do is to respect the most sacred for you - loyalty. He can lie (from time to time), not cope with housework and raising children, not earn much, pay more attention to his friends and his mother than you, and when it comes to bed, be a mediocre lover. But once a man is changed by a woman, the earth will immediately open up. Women can carry a lot, but not treason. And what are we, men? We understand this ... However, we do it. Why? Men change because ...



They can

Men look at sex differently than women. For many of you, sex is emotional - it is an act of love. But for a man, sex doesn’t necessarily contain emotion or meaning. It is easy for a man - very easy - to work home after having sex, to wash and to act as if nothing had happened.

Sex is just a physical act for us - love has absolutely nothing to do with it.

They think it will get away with it.

Of course, men think about the risk of being caught in treason. But for the most part, men start romance novels, being absolutely sure that it will get away with them, and, of course, with the undoubted certainty that if they are still caught, they will be justified. We are quite sure that it is more important for you to stay with us and our imperfections than to leave and live alone. At least that's what we hope for. And at first it all happens. But as soon as your suspicions turn into Word and Deed, we begin to lie and deny. This is in case we value you.

And if not - if a man sees that you do not fit into his life plan, he will not even try to hide something and make excuses after he is caught red-handed. He will just tell you that he is sleeping with another woman, because ...

He did not become what he wants and should become, or did not find the one he really needs.

You may think that this is an excuse, but it is a reality. How many times have you met a man who said: “When I earn enough, I will think about obligations” or “I will receive this promotion and settle down”? This guy is still trying to self-actualize, and while he is moving in this direction, he is not going to be distracted by the relationship with you. He tells himself that he simply does not have time for this - for him this is not an end in itself.

Therefore, his behavior will be so slippery.

The same can be true for married man  with kids. In a mature man who realizes who he is and is pleased with what he does and how much he earns, probably, life is organized correctly; he became what he wanted and set his priorities in the following order: God, family, education, business, and everything else. But if the family does not go in second place in this list, then problems arise - he will devote himself to his priorities in the order in which he placed them.

What happens at home doesn’t happen as it did before

Exactly: it may have something to do with you. Your man can walk and mumble that in your relationship there is no longer the same spark that you no longer excite him as you once did - that you no longer make such an impression on him as you once did. You know how it happens: you two are well with each other, you start living together, have children, buy a house, and then dig in communal bills and raising children, go to work and try to keep up with others in pursuit of success; becoming a family, you are involved in this race.

And then the man sees that the woman who used to dress up, using some things to excite him, is no longer so interested in this as at the beginning of the acquaintance. Yes, and sex becomes bland; she comes from work, going to which she put on her beautiful skirt and high-heeled shoes, did makeup and everything else, and throws it all off before reaching the bedroom door. And now, after a long day at work and even more household chores, she goes to bed in a head-dress and a T-shirt, ready to shoot you if you just try to give her a lecherous look.

In other words, the house became a chore. And this man lacks the spark that was there before. You've changed. (He knows that he, too, has changed, but we are not talking about him, we are talking about you.) Perhaps, there comes the feeling that you no longer value him as you did before. Words of gratitude are pronounced less often, there is a lot of controversy - it seems that fuss wakes up with you in the morning and presses against you at night. And your family no longer looks like the same family in which he agreed to live. And if he doesn't get what he expected, he will most likely go to the left and find it in another place, because, you know what? He knows that he can always find it somewhere else, especially because ...

There is always a woman willing to change with him

It is true that women do not want to admit. Imagine if every woman would say: "You're married - I can't do it with you." Do you know how many marriages and relationships would be saved today? Men have the opportunity to change, because the mass of women agree to surrender to a man who does not belong to them. Of course, sometimes these are deceived women who simply do not know that the man is already busy. However, most often these women know that they sleep with a married man.

In the life of every woman there were sad moments when one had to deal with the word “treason” not by hearsay. According to statistics, 75% of men are traitors, but only 20% of women guess their dishonesty. The reasons why husbands start to look to the left have a different character.

Why does a man change a woman

Representatives of the weaker sex for a long time concerned about the issue of treason by her beloved. What are they missing? After all, there is less change from the side of women.

In order to prevent infidelity on the part of a loved one, it is necessary to figure out why the husband went to the betrayal.

Reasons why men cheat on wives

Consider some the reasons, according to which representatives of the strength of mankind cheat wives:

1. Lack of interest and passion in relationships.

2. The method of revenge on the wrong spouse.

3. The effect of alcohol. Unplanned meeting with the former girlfriend.

4. Lack of care and attention.

5. Lack of self-confidence on the part of women.

6. Desire for hot adventure and risk.

7. Self-affirmation.

8. The divergence of interests between spouses. Rare communication.

9. Excessive pressure from the woman. Quarreling.

10. The lack of diversity in the sexual life of the couple (lack of sex).

Do all men cheat on their wives?

A faithful husband is the dream of every woman. But are there men who do not cheat on their wives?

According to some psychologists there are certain indicatorspeculiar to those   men who are not inclined to change:

1. Hyper-responsibility.  Such people are trying to please everyone with tremendous trepidation. Representatives of this type and thoughts do not allow for treason.

2. Decency.  The fact that the guy is decent only covers his real nature. At a time when he is proud and frankly demonstrates the storage of loyalty to his principles, the young man doubts himself, believing that he is not sexy.

3. Indulgence and obedience.  There is a type of guys like "Mama's boy." Guys of this type often become henpecked, as the habit of pleasing all over the mother remains, and in the future it is practiced with the spouse.

Psychology has shown that men who are far from betrayal towards their wives have one or more complexes. But there is an opinion that in extremely rare cases, men simply treat their wives with great love, value marriage, family and remain faithful.

Why men change their wives but do not leave - the opinion of the psychologist

Many men cheat on their wives, but few are in a hurry to leave for their mistress. A person living on two fronts is not even going to wonder about leaving the family, since there is no point in this for him.

Such a life is quite convenient for him. Indeed, at the same time that there is an attentive mistress, from whom he receives the necessary dose of attention, with the traitor there is a non-destroyed family nest, to which he has long been accustomed and does not imagine further existence without him.

Why men change - a man's look

Most of the representatives of the stronger sex to the question about treason gave an amazing answer, from which it should be understood that women themselves are to blame for male treason:

  • Departing to his mistress, they first of all try to assert themselves. Causes of treason are stored in unpleasant emotions, such as pressure, discontent, fear, dissatisfaction, shame, etc.
  • Women begin to spoil their attitude towards themselves by their behavior in the very first years of jointly staying in marriage, forgetting to show attention to their chosen one, caress, and also forgetting about their appearance. A woman stops to take care of herself, thereby discouraging any interest from her partner.
  • The head of the family develops a sense of guilt, complexes, irritation, etc., when they constantly demand and wait for something from him. The feeling of discontent and pressure from the chosen one forces the partner to flee and do rash acts. This is where unpleasant situations arise: quarrels, deceptions and betrayals.

The main ones are decent, why the spouse changes, but does not leave the family

So, the main reasons:

  • Family is a very important separate world for most men. Stored here common story, memories, trust and friendships;
  • The family man occupies a more significant social position. It is also a habit that has not been formed for a single year, and rejecting it is a painful procedure .;
  • I do not want to go to my mistress, and because it is a dreary process - divorce, division of property, payment of alimony, etc .;
  • There is no desire to leave a wife with whom there is a common child;
  • “Not quite an honest family man” loves his spouse very much.

How to avoid male treason

If you feel changes in the behavior of the husband, indicating a possible adultery, do not make hysterics, but calmly work on   How to return a loved one:

1. Become a friend to your spouse, understand his interests. Do not forget to learn about his affairs and, if necessary, give advice;

2. Make sex so varied, vibrant and regular;

3. Do not let your spouse miss you;

4. Watch yourself and what you wear even when you are at home;

5. Arrange a lot of joint campaigns, for example, in the cinema, restaurants;

6. Keep constant suspicions and discontent with you;

7. Do not restrict his freedom, respect his personal space. Appreciate the opinion;

8. Taking care of joint children, give your husband time and attention.

Show more attention to your beloved, be patient. Make your spouse's life diverse and colorful, then he will always be faithful to you!

The story of a friend who lives on the floor below prompted me to take up the article. She somehow came running in tears: “You don’t have a friend’s psychologist? I do not know what to do, my husband found another! ”

The story of the betrayal of one husband

We rarely communicated, but thanks to panel housing, I got the impression that we exist in parallel. Her family life consisted of two parts: when the husband is on a business trip,  and he worked on a rotational basis; and when for days at homeresting from the works of the righteous. It was then, in the late evenings, I heard their conversations among themselves, for in the afternoon Tatiana, my neighbor, was working.

I terribly didn't like these evenings. The dialogue began immediately on an elevated tone, and then the cry was such that it was time for the district police officer to call. Low bass spouse was heard poorly, he occasionally had time only to insert a word, but tatyana's screech, if desired, could be dismantled verbatim.

She complained about the fate that sent her no such oligarch, which is just horror. And he lies on the couch on the couch, and you won’t wait for any worries from him, and he is not interested in anything other than TV.

I rarely met them together, although Oleg, Tatyana’s husband, often came into contact with his daughter. Tall, a little shy of his height, with radiant light eyes and large working hands. It was evident that no one paid him money in the north.


Guess what this story is over?

Oleg had almost left the family, for some time he actually lived in two houses. Returned. Because my daughter really loved him, and   Tatiana understood a lot, learned to appreciate those who are close.. The screams stopped, and my life became calmer.

Treason men - this is not a betrayal, this is normal!

I am deeply convinced that you can only betray your homeland, friends, parents. Treason is not identical to betrayal. For the family is not a monastery. We create it so that life together becomes better than thatthat was before marriage.

We create it in order to arrange a common life, give birth to and raise children, give each other warmth and mutual understanding, and provide support in the outside world. Family - rear, and if, as in the case of Oleg and Tatiana, it turns into an arena of hostilities, is it possible to condemn a man for treason? I'm sure not. Rather, it is a blessing that allowed the family to overcome the crisis.

The same can be seen on the example of other causes of male adultery:

  • 88% of men statistically change with women more attractive in appearance  (At one point, the future wife seemed to be the most attractive to him, and after a while she no longer followed her hairstyle, figure, manicure);
  • 25% of them enter into long-lasting relationships that last more than six months ( if you no longer keep love in the house, she will still come into the life of a man, but in another place);
  • 35% of men change due to sexual dissatisfaction  (the stronger sex in the active reproductive age thinks about sex almost every 5 minutes, and at home love is either on coupons, then exclusively in the standard pose);
  • 12% of husbands can not cope with a long separation  (a woman sending a spouse to work should be ready for such a breakdown);
  • 10% of men change due to overcoming self-doubt  (question: who settles this uncertainty in their heads, isn't it a wife?).

For me, treason is not a betrayal, but the responsibility of both parties.  There are, however, a small percentage of men who are prone to treason at the genetic level. They wave the slogan of polygamy like a flag. But no one bothers a woman to either avoid such individuals or accept their rules of the game.



A healthy man is always polygamous by nature.

Candidate of Medical Sciences, writer Natalya Tolstaya, author of the best-selling book “Male Treason”, believes that 98% of men at least once. Her main statement: while a person is healthy, he is polygamous.

The only thing that can keep a man from cheating is love. Only she forces her to be faithful, for she does not allow to let another person into her world.

This is chemistry, the first stage of sleep. In the most difficult moments of life, we are “saved” by thoughts about the subject of our feelings. Saving love - talent and great work of two. But we do not want to work, but for some reason we demand loyalty. Love will be replaced by addiction, and only obligations will hold back the man.

Psychologist N. And Kozlov believes that each family needs its own code, in which all sections of the agreement should be specified, including a common understanding of the concepts of “loyalty” and “treason”. 60% of men, for example, consider a kiss to be absolutely harmless, while 34% of women think differently. Some believe that treason is physical intimacy on the side, others spiritual.  If a couple decides what to change under certain conditions is acceptable, why not? Marriage is a voluntary union of adults, their choice.


I do not call for licentiousness: 78% of men treason condemn. And if they still commit, then the family is seriously ill. With the correct diagnosis will begin recovery, which means that men's treason really helps to save the marriage.

Victoria Samarskaya

    Illness and promiscuity are different things. Stop justifying men! I feel the author likes to be a failure, who “accepted” her husband - but women who are not ready to be alone will not do anything for them. Watch out for yourself! At any age, and then it is easy to find a replacement for a walking hubby, who has ceased to appreciate you!

    And I do not think so. Very jealous and individual in nature, I can hardly forgive treason if anything happens. And in general, I believe that you can betray not only your homeland, parents and friends. You can betray your child, sister, colleague, boss, partner, distant relative, and so on and so forth. But how is it still in a piggy style, take and do not care about the feelings of a loving person.

    Why deceive yourself? So men are having fun, but they do not save their family. The foundation of the family marriage, removing from it the bricks of the foundation can not be strengthened. This is laziness and bl. Like a bad wife ... But you can solve all the urgent problems with her, help her, take a part of everyday life into her own hands, so that she would feel more free, together to rest, etc., that is what brings together and flourishes so That lover gray mouse seem.

    Why does Xenia cheat yourself on your own experience say the more we love a woman, the less attention she gives to herself. And slowly it turns into a woman with whom not only having sex but simply speaking is not very interesting. Even if you take the whole life away from life, putting the result on your shoulders will be the same.

... "The low bass of the spouse was heard poorly, he occasionally had time only to insert a word, but Tatiana's screech, if desired, could be dismantled verbatim. Oleg, Tatyana's husband, often came across with his daughter. Tall, a little shy of his height, with radiant light eyes and large working hands. "

It’s pointless to discuss the article. The situation is simple - looking at a neighbor, but the author’s turn-off, tries to explain to everyone that if Oleg had dragged her into bed, Tatiana would have been silent in a rag and not outraged. Under the guise of a psychological article, the simple envy of a single person to the family through the wall. Where the wife, without fail, would have made the vices, and the husband could have been happy, but unfortunately, did not choose the author. It should be like that to dream out her readers like that without a twinge.

Men's treason - the eternal topic discussed by women. Why do many men are drawn to adventure? Let's try to figure it out. In fact, there are a lot of reasons why men change their wives. It is better to notice the beginning discord in time, to take measures to save the situation so that it does not turn into a huge crack. So, consider the most common reasons why men cheat on their wives.

1. "Love is gone"

Living for many years under the same roof, spouses often become absolutely not interested in each other, as a book has been read many times. But they do not want to divorce, because they are so much connected - children, apartment, car, cottage. Yes, and already accustomed to each other so that it is difficult to change anything. So the man gets an intrigue on the side to bring some bright colors into his life.

To avoid this situation, a woman must constantly evolve, look for new hobbies, hobbies and remain a little mystery for men. Conduct a frank dialogue with your husband about your sexual preferences, and make him concessions in this matter. Let a man never cease to be amazed and fascinated. It is difficult to be always different, unpredictable, to move away from behavioral stereotypes, including in intimate life, but your spouse's love and your personal happiness are worth it.

2. "The green serpent led astray"

In fact, this reason is a direct consequence of the first. After all, as is well known, “what is sober on the mind, then what is drunk on the tongue,” and, consequently, actually. Therefore, under the influence of alcohol, it is those men who have long been bored with married life, but they are not “going to the left” in their right mind and sober memory.

To eliminate this cause, you need to listen to the previous advice. And for safety net, it's always worth finding out in which company your spouse is going to “relax.” There are such comrades for whom treason and frequent change of sexual partners is the norm. In such an environment, and even under the influence of the “green serpent,” even the most faithful man can hardly resist the seductress.

In this case, it is better to talk honestly with your husband about your fears and set priorities: what is more important for a spouse is peace in the family or rest with dubious friends. Do not argue with him before this meeting. After all, under the influence of the negative, it will be much easier for a man who has drunk to commit adultery and justify himself.

If the wife also often refuses the spouse, referring to severe fatigue or headache, then there certainly is inevitable evils. It is better not to bring his man to such a state when he wants to get joy in another place. Do not push away your man, make reasonable concessions for him in the name of preserving your marriage.

5. Emotional dependence of a woman on her husband

Emotional dependence on a man arises from a woman’s lack of self-confidence. This is manifested in the behavior of women as follows:

  • she needs the approval and support of her husband;
  • mood depends on his behavior;
  • allows a man to humiliate his dignity;
  • constantly caters to the man;
  • fully concentrates on the man and his life;
  • afraid to express their opinion so that the man does not abandon her;
  • does not have his hobbies, his life.

Men do not like sticky women, it is such wives change constantly. This is a kind of male protection against female leeches. Independence overrides all female attractiveness and kills male attraction to a woman. To rectify the situation, a woman needs to develop her self-sufficiency.

The case is not easy, because the reason can drag from childhood, from the parental family. If a mom behaved in a similar way with her dad, then the daughter will go over the model of her behavior. And here without qualified help of a psychologist it is difficult to do. But as they say, "the road will be mastered by the one who goes."

For a woman, the first step towards solving this problem is to accept yourself as it is, with all its weaknesses and shortcomings. And then it will be easier to change. Believe me, men do not change women who are self-sufficient and loving themselves because they are afraid of losing them!

Irina, Podolsk

Psychologist comment:

Indeed, why do men cheat on their marriage partners? Usually this question is asked not so much by women who are faced with a husband’s betrayal once, but by those whose spouses “walk left” with sad frequency. At the same time, if the woman somehow managed to put pressure on her husband, and he abandons her mistress, then after a while he finds a new girlfriend for himself, and everything repeats.

If we are talking about this type of male adultery, then their reason, as a rule, is closer to what the author of the letter called reason number 5 - the emotional dependence of a woman on a man. We will talk about this.

Yes, sometimes it may seem that betrayal happened because love was gone, or because of alcohol, lack of attention, etc., but usually the true reason for adultery is much deeper. What is it?

Treason - the regulator of the psychological distance between spouses

Yes, in the case of regular betrayals, their real reason, in my experience, is precisely that adultery is intended to regulate the emotional and psychological distance between a husband and wife.

Naturally, the lover in this situation will be completely unlike the wife and not inclined to pursue to pursue a man. Therefore, such relationships become a strong psychological outlet for him, and they can last indefinitely. If, for example, at the initiative of his wife, a man is forced to break this bond, soon a new woman appears. As they say, a holy place is never empty.

What to do?

So, the situation and its true causes are clear. And now what to do with it?

As is clear from the above, neither the husband nor the wife to a large extent, they are not to blame for what is happening (in general, the search for the guilty is not a good tendency and it is better not to resort to it). It’s just that their family stories are what they are, and it’s not surprising that such a couple together: sometimes such men and women come together as the key to the lock.

It turns out that the problem in the family is not in any one of them or even both - the problem is how relationships are organized  between spouses when a woman is inclined to crush a partner with hypercontrol, and a man behaves passively-aggressively.

In cases where difficulties occur precisely because of the nature of the relationship between husband and wife, family psychotherapy can be very useful for such a couple. In the course of such work, the spouses, together with the family psychologist, learn to better understand what is behind their behavior and change the existing patterns of behavior in such a way as to try to live a little differently - to please and support each other.

Male psychology of adultery is a sore subject among married couples. Spouse does not understand why the beloved decided to change. What was the impetus for action. The woman tries to console herself, this is an accident, it will never happen again.

These thoughts help you not to panic and tear your hair out.

Videos explaining why men change

Reason for treason favorite

Psychologists have been studying male psychology for many decades. Trying to figure out what prompted the betrayal of a loved one. They compiled the most credible causes of male adultery:

  1. Change is in the blood. What a beautiful wife was not, a man always wants to try a new one, or rather a new one.
  2. Irregular proximity of spouses. Her husband does not have enough attention from his wife. There are 2 options: the wife does not want intimacy at all, or the spouse has too sophisticated requests in terms of bed. Due to the lack of intimacy, a man is looking for one that will not refuse.
  3. The burning scandal, which was the last straw. A fleeting connection, in the opinion of the stronger sex, will help them to relax, to forget.
  4. A crisis family life. Men, unlike women, do not expect that love breaks out in a new flame, they simply follow new “adventures”.
  5. Fleeting attraction by chance. More precisely intoxicated. This can happen on any holiday. If a man is very drunk, such betrayal is still considered a betrayal of his woman. The most offensive treason.
  6. Silently in love. If another man won the man’s heart, he changed his spouse, in most cases it ends in divorce. Nobody will forgive such a betrayal.
  7. A strong floor just needs to be approved. If the second half does not praise and does not say what a wonderful lover he is, he will find the one that says it. Due to the new hobby again feel like a male.
  8. The most ridiculous, but the real reason - so made in the circle of his friends. This company is fashionable to have mistresses or even several.


The conqueror is in men’s blood

To understand why a man has changed a woman, it is not necessary to build complex strategies. The reason is simple - I wanted to win a new top. The strong sex in the blood laid hunter instinct. Someone simply suppresses it in himself, and someone is proud and uses it.

Having a girlfriend or spouse, for the male sex is already won a trophy. Here you don’t have to try anything further. And the excitement is still present. Therefore, it begins to look for a new victim for the number of awards.



Having two or more women helps him increase his self-esteem. As a rule, mature men organize trips to the left. First of all they want to prove to themselves that something else can. That he is attractive to other ladies, they want him.

Signs characterizing the fact of treason

Having changed his beloved, her husband quietly gives himself up. Her behavior and manners change, she becomes jerky. Signs on which it can be understood that the man made a campaign to the left:

- began to dress stylishly. Began to update wardrobe. Changed perfume;

- a sharp passion for sports, to improve the physique;

- lack of attention to the second half. Both spiritual and close;

- unplanned expenses for large sums;

- gives his wife an expensive thing (feels guilty);

- sudden displeasure with the appearance of his spouse. The bad housewife, mother and wife;

- frequent blockages at work, business trips. Always on the road;

- startling from a phone call. To talk goes out.

The spouse appeared sores that are transmitted sexually. The wife is completely healthy. Here and everything is clear.

The man began to behave in bed quite differently. There were new poses, gestures, preferences. If this has not been discussed with his other half, at least he becomes alert.

Video clips showing the reasons for the campaign of a man to the left

Go to your mistress or stay with your family - the eternal dilemma

Male psychology of betrayal is understandable, why not go away from their second half after the current situation. If they are better off with their mistress, why go on with the one that is boring. There are reasons for this:

  1. Children will have to pay alimony, share jointly acquired property. Eternal red tape with documents, hassle.
  2. The man believes that children should grow up in a complete family - mom and dad together.
  3. The representative of the stronger sex, not sure that with another woman wants to live the rest of his life. For him, she is only a consolation in bed, a toy. And my wife has already lived a lot, she is time tested.

The actions of the spouse to save home

To preserve the family, the spouse must keep her husband near her. It is enough to listen, to observe the most important rule - the spouse - 2 in 1. Loving wife, passionate lover.



In order for the husband not to change his thoughts, the wife must do everything so that, leaving the house, he would be completely satisfied. After work, you must want to go home, he is waiting for a stormy night.

A man should carry out his fantasies with his beloved woman, and not a stranger. The spouse must endure, fulfill a whim to keep her husband in the family.