Family and Relationships Why don't men like to talk about their feelings? The main signs of a man's love for a woman
What is misogyny: The term “misogyny” (from the Greek misos (disgust) and gyne (woman) did not appear yesterday - even in the last century, the attitude that a woman “does not live up to” a man was taken for granted. © Credit: Passion .ru The term “misogyny” (from the Greek misos (disgust) and gyne (woman) did not appear yesterday - back in the last century, the attitude that a woman “does not live up to” a man was taken for granted. Remember folklore: "Be quiet, woman, your day is the eighth of March", "a chicken is not a bird", "a woman driving is like a monkey with a grenade."
Often men do not talk about their feelings. Why is this happening and how can you help your loved one break the iron mask? Some speak beautifully about feelings and willingly express them.
Every woman wants her beloved to talk about her feelings several times a day. No wonder they say: "A woman loves with her ears." But the world is arranged in such a way that a man and a woman are psychologically very
© Getty Images Arthur Miller wrote to Marilyn Monroe that when people break up, only words remain. Words that we did not say or, on the contrary, threw in anger. The ones that ruined the relationship or the ones that made it special. It turns out that words are very important to us. And words of love, especially tenderness. But why do men so rarely say them?
Documentary Studio "Biography" shot a touching video about how women who are not accustomed to the confessions of their men react to words of love.
Good Guys Fool Themselves These guys are overprotective, gallant, and try to anticipate a girl's every desire. Why don't they reciprocate? Psychotherapist Robert Glover believes that good guys not as simple and selfless as it seems. Psychotherapist Robert Glover believes that good guys are not as simple and selfless as they seem. They enter into a secret contract with the girls: they take care of them, even if they are not asked about it, and the girls show attention and care in return. And they start dating. From the outside it looks strange and funny. Girls consider such guys a little intrusive, but at the same time they regret and allow them to be around.
It's hard for men to say "I love you". Tired of waiting for recognition, women begin to doubt the meaning of further communication: "Does he love me or not? Does he have at least some feelings for me?" Why don't men talk about love and their feelings?
Each of us dreams that a loved one talks about his feelings for you. And if a beloved man is silent about his feelings, does not say "I love", what does this mean? See also: Why a man does not want to get married?
“We have been together for 10 years, openly talking about love is probably superfluous, and everything is clear.”
“Conversations – how is it? We should sit in the kitchen and say - I love you, I love you too - right, or what?
“It’s hard to talk about feelings, but I would like to.”
But after an hour of talking about the relationship, the men voiced feelings that they had never spoken about:
How were you taught to deal with your feelings as a child? Were your anxieties and doubts taken seriously? Was wealth encouraged? emotional experiences and their expression? Could your parents be an example of healthy expression of feelings? In many families, emotions cause discomfort. Their expression may be directly taboo, or unwritten rules may operate in the family, according to which it is not supposed to discuss their experiences. Some parents explain to their children that certain emotions, such as anger, are unacceptable, abnormal.
To find true love, which could continue for years and decades and would lead, perhaps, to the creation strong family, - a real happiness for any girl. Moreover, it is especially important for her to know about the reciprocity of her own feelings.
Why a man does not confess his love - we are looking for reasons. The root of the problem lies in childhood More specifically, how the child was raised. What if the guy does not talk about his feelings. If you want to succeed and finally hear this cherished word "I love you"
“I love her, even when she lubricates her hands with cream in bed and at the same time loudly, loudly“ champs ”it.
“If I were now asked if I am a happy person, I would answer: yes, and this is only thanks to her.”
"I love her even when she thinks she doesn't love me."
Watch this video. And talk about love.
Why don't men like to talk about feelings?
Our experts explain what prevents men from expressing their feelings openly and in what cases they cannot be silent about love.
Arina Lipkina, psychologist:
In the traditional male role, one cannot show one's vulnerability, affection, heartache etc.
But the fear of talking about feelings is also associated with the survival of men. Too strong emotions are dangerous for them due to the release of adrenaline. Men instinctively reduce their emotional arousal and / or leave this state (leave the room, stop talking on the phone, switch to other things, turn off and do not hear). Adrenaline has a strong effect on the internal organs: the heart rate increases, blood pressure rises, as well as blood sugar, and digestion is disturbed. Adrenaline is useful for a man in work, physical activity, attack, defense, etc., but not in a conversation about feelings. Here it is dangerous to health and life.
Hello kindred spirits. We are similar to you. Like you, every morning I call my man to say that I love him, surround him with attention and care, pamper him with gifts, shout about love for him to the whole world. I treat him like a treasure and I'm proud of it. Like you, I'm guilty of loving too much. I've been called obsessive, addicted, crazy. Men used me, insulted me, wiped their feet on me. I sobbed into my pillow for those who didn't care about me. They already got what they wanted. I could not understand why they do not notice everything that I do for them.
Women are more emotional and used to talk about their feelings. What can not be said about men. During sex, men hug, caress, kiss and love under the acceptable guise of a very masculine act - a feat on the sexual front.
Why, in a harmoniously developing relationship, some men do not talk about love? If you really love this person, then you should be patient. Sooner or later, he will confess his feelings and explain his silence.
In one experiment, when young men and girls were given a recording of a baby crying to listen to, the young men turned off the recording much faster than the girls. Psychologists at first believed that this was due to low emotional sensitivity. But blood tests showed that the boys' levels of stress hormones rose dramatically when they had to listen to crying.
A woman is more adapted to such emotional outbursts, including intense conversations about feelings. Evolution has programmed men for protection, manifestation of strength, active actions and, as a result, for turning off emotions, for example, in war or hunting. As a result, it became natural for men. Women, on the contrary, were protected so that they would produce offspring, were tied to the house and small children.
Evolution has programmed men to protect, show strength, take action and, as a result, turn off emotions, for example, in war or hunting.
Women were too valuable to be endangered in the struggle for territory or for food, so it was the men who took the risk. The death of several men did not affect the ability to reproduce offspring in antiquity, but the death of several women threatened with significant losses in the size of the tribe.
On the eve of Valentine's Day, we decided to find out what our men really lack! It's no secret that over time, relationships between spouses lose their sharpness. And when a woman does not understand what is expected of her, marriage can crack. Many couples admit that over time, “relationships become less love”, “romance goes somewhere”, and “at home you feel like at work.” Both husbands and wives, at a certain stage, tend to notice that passion has faded, and sadly recall that distant time when they arranged surprises for each other and came up with a thousand and one ways to confess their feelings.
WHY A MAN IS SILENT ABOUT HIS FEELINGS - Useful notes about everything. Why do men so often hide their real feelings, although they know that "the lady loves with her ears." Why is a man silent about emotions.
Why do women begin to doubt the love of a man, even if he helps in everything, take care, but is silent? Perhaps that is why men do not like to talk about their feelings. If you keep silent, even if he is misunderstood, he can always say that nothing
As a result, women not only live longer, but in general, at every stage of life, men are more likely to die than women. For example, newborn premature boys are more likely to die in infancy than premature girls. These gender differences persist throughout life, and even towards the end of life, older men are far more likely to die shortly after the death of their wife than women are when their husband dies.
The difference in the manifestation of their emotions in boys and girls is manifested from the very beginning. early childhood. Girls should be more in touch with their moods and emotions than boys, because in the future they should be with small children, feel the child, give him spiritual and physical warmth, affection, a sense of confidence, approval. Therefore, it is natural for women to talk about feelings, for men actions are more suitable.
Vladimir Dashevsky, psychotherapist:
Talking a lot or a little about love is a matter of partner's expectations. For one, every day is not enough, and for another, one “love” is enough for life. Here, men are not much different from women.
If we talk about the first confession, then here a man is often held by fears. The fear that after the words you need to take some action, reinforce them, the fear of being vulnerable, getting rejected, hurting your self-esteem. I open up, I'm defenseless. It's definitely scary. Plus the pressure of public opinion - the man should be the first to explain. But when there is more love than fears, when it is more difficult to keep inside than not to express, then the man confesses. So if your recent partner confesses his feelings, it means that there is more love in him.
It is known that introverts have little interest in the outside world. However, they also go on dates, fall in love and get married. Often their behavior and ideas about love do not correspond to stereotypes, and others misunderstand them. 1. He is waiting for his one and only. These people take romantic relationships seriously. They are not inclined to flirt with everyone and often change partners. Introverts strive to find a person who suits them. They are tired of romantic courtship, obligatory rituals and violent displays of emotion. Once they find their person, they breathe a sigh of relief because they can be themselves again.
Home » Psychology » Love and relationships » Why are men afraid to talk about feelings? If talkative men are still found in nature, then those who talk about their feelings are very rare.
After all, most men avoid talking about their feelings. And love can manifest itself in other ways. To be more calm about a male silence, you need to understand why men do not like to express their feelings so much?
If we talk about long term relationship, much depends on upbringing and on the model that the partner saw in childhood. If in your family parents constantly spoke to each other about love, you will consider it normal to often say this to your partner, and he will answer you.
Fears keep a man from the first confession. The fear that after the words you need to take action, the fear of being vulnerable, of being rejected. But when love becomes more than fears, a man confesses
If you lacked love in childhood and now in a relationship you need confirmation of this love every day, then you will always have few confessions. But this is no longer about love. It all depends on the partner. Relationships are a dance. For some, words matter, for others, actions. Adjust to each other.
Love is a decision that a person makes every day: whether I live with the right person, whether this person is mine, whether I love him. If you answer yourself - yes, I love you, then you tell your partner about it. But each person has his own period of revision and self-reflection. Someone reassesses every day, and someone only on their wedding anniversary or February 14th. Try to make sure that your dance is in pairs, not singles.
What to do if your man rarely talks about feelings?
Do you constantly tell your partner about your feelings and want to hear the same from him, but in response to silence? What to do to make a man's feelings become more transparent for you, and relationships more open?
Yulia Zakharova, clinical psychologist:
Women often complain that men rarely talk about feelings: they rarely share their experiences, do not talk about love, do not make compliments. Many, not only men, but women, when speaking about feelings, become very vulnerable. Often, serious experiences of childhood and adolescence are associated with a ban on the expression of feelings.
March 8 is International Women's Day. On this occasion, "AiF" picked up Interesting Facts about the representatives of the beautiful half of humanity. Heart diseases in women do not develop longer than in men, however, when this happens, they proceed in a more severe form.
Why do men so often hide their true feelings, although they know that "a woman loves with her ears." In your opinion, how often did a man who was born in the middle of the 20th century tell a woman about his feelings?
Emotional stiffness. Why are men afraid to talk about their feelings? That is why they simply do not consider it necessary to constantly talk about feelings. One "I love you" is enough for a guy to express his emotions.
Feelings could not be taken seriously, be the subject of ridicule. Therefore, feelings are a zone of especially careful treatment. To express them, it is important to create a safe atmosphere, not to push, not to push, not to make conversations about feelings an object of manipulation.
Here are a few simple tips, following which you will teach a man to talk about feelings more often:
Why successful women are attracted to young men.
Successful women know that skyrocketing career advancement, a seat on a board of directors, and a yearly bonus come at a cost. Peers and older men are often afraid to enter into a relationship with a woman who has achieved a lot. It is not easy for such a woman: intensive work and daily responsibility leave an imprint on her character. She can be blunt and intolerant of weaknesses. And this frightens men who are more accustomed to the image of a woman-mother and the keeper of the hearth.
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How to understand a man's feelings
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Even Shakespeare said that a person who knows why he loves another person does not experience these feelings. Probably, in many ways, the great poet and writer was right. Still, people who can put all their feelings on the shelves are suspicious. That is why, probably, many girls believe that the more a man talks about love, the less he is in love. In this situation, it is worth understanding and digging deeper, because, in fact, conversations about love are different and each of them has its own meaning and subtext.
So what, the more a man talks about love, the less he is in love? First, let's think about what exactly the guy is saying. For example, perhaps he generally believes that love does not exist. Such a young man can talk for hours about the fact that love is a meaningless and groundless feeling that is built on self-deception and prejudice. He will convince everyone and himself that it is impossible to love people by definition. What does this behavior mean? In fact, it says that a person denies love for one simple reason.
He loves, or loved. But the feelings did not bring him happiness, and, therefore, he is now trying to prove to everyone that he is not capable of experiencing such emotions. This is a kind of protective reaction from all the hardships and problems that bring us feelings and emotions. Such men pretend to be tough and cynical so that no one suspects their deep emotionality and does not take advantage of it. They talk about love a lot of negativity, so as not to show their weakness for this feeling. That is why, if a guy constantly speaks very negatively about love and falling in love and does not forget to mention it in every conversation, draw the right conclusions. He is completely different from what he wants to appear, and how, perhaps, you already imagine him. Just to the heart of this young man need to break through. Someone once “helped” him to close himself from feelings, and now you need to spend a lot of time, effort and patience to stop hearing talk about dislike from him. In such situations, you should not argue with men and stubbornly stick to your line. It is best to convince him gradually and step by step, telling some stories and remembering various examples. It's the only way to break through the walls guys put up around their hearts.
Why else can guys often talk about love? Perhaps the fact is that they are simply philosophers or romantics. Such people like to constantly delve into various topics, put forward and refute theories, invent axioms and prove theorems. This does not mean at all that love for them is just material that can be used for another discussion. Simply, such guys like to try to understand the higher matter, try to find out the causes and consequences of our emotions and actions. They can "dissect" for hours love stories trying to understand the meaning of some actions and actions of people. Such men know that love is different, therefore, they come up with explanations for each case. In fact, you should not be angry with such a guy and assume that he talks too much about feelings, which, most likely, there is no point in discussing at all. Love either exists or it doesn't. Yes, of course, this is true, but it is worth noting that people who like to think and philosophize are wiser and calmer about many problems. They don’t rush off the shoulder, but think about what is happening, try to figure it out, understand the causes of the conflict and misunderstanding. The main thing is that the young man does not go too deep "into the jungle." In such a situation, he can simply begin to see what is not really there and think of problems for himself. As they say, in everything you need to know the norm and the golden mean. Otherwise, people begin to get confused and even see what has never been and never will be. Therefore, if you know that your young man really loves to talk about various universal topics, try to make sure that he does not start to go to extremes and does not suspect something is wrong in your relationship. Unfortunately, people who think too much about global philosophical problems, it happens. Therefore, try to pull it in time. You know best how to do it yourself. It can be a joke, and a kiss, and a delicious dinner. Just make sure that conversations about love do not turn into conversations about hatred and suspicion. Remember that people who know a lot, over time, begin to suspect too much. Therefore, do not give your philosopher a reason for bad thoughts and let him come up with various theories and proofs of a great feeling of love to his health. If you direct his thoughts in the right direction, this can greatly help in your personal life.
Even poets and writers constantly talk about love. Less often - artists. But they, as they say, are supposed to behave this way by profession. People who are constantly associated with intimate lyrics love to exalt love, talk about it in metaphors and come up with new comparisons. In addition, those who write about these feelings sincerely believe in them. This is not surprising, because it is impossible to write a heartfelt poem or a short story if you do not believe in what comes out from under your hand. Writers are creative people. They can talk about feelings all the time, and they will also reinforce their words with quotes from their own and other people's works. Therefore, you should not be wary of this. At creative people it's just a way of expressing feelings that they have an abundance of, and they don't know how to hide it at all.
Therefore, the more a man talks about love, the less he is in love - this is not always a true statement. Of course, there are people who talk about love. To divert our attention and lull our vigilance. But they need to be distinguished about those who talk about love, because they know and believe in this feeling. It doesn't matter if his words are positive or negative. If the word love often flies from the lips of a man, it means that he knows firsthand what it is.
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Spring has come. With the awakening of nature, feelings and emotions are activated, you want to fall in love and give your love to everyone. Women especially want this, because by nature they are more sensual and romantic, but even more they want the men next to them not to skimp on manifestations of affection and tenderness. It is so wonderful to feel loved and desired, but not all men can show this to a woman, even if deep down they feel for her strong feelings. So why are we so different, and why do men sometimes treat us like cold icebergs?
Fear of looking weak
Even as boys, men are taught to be strong, never cry and protect girls. For a man, tender manifestations of feelings, affectionate words of love are a woman's destiny, and if they also behave this way, they will look not masculine, but feminine. They strive to more logically explain each act and in their assessments are limited to clear, clear words. For many men, saying the word "love" is generally akin to suicide. There is even such a phrase: “the girl is the mistress of her word, she wanted to give, she wanted to - she took it back.” It is normal for a woman to live with feelings, today to experience and say one thing, tomorrow another, and a man is responsible for his words and therefore clearly considers every word spoken. He believes that if he said I love him, he must now do everything to save this relationship.
Upbringing
Life orientations for men and women are fundamentally different. A woman is meant to be faithful wife and mother, fill the house with warmth and comfort, and the man is set for a career and success. And only by throwing feelings aside, turning on a cold mind, a man will be able to achieve his goals. Why are there few managers and leaders among women, because women are naturally softer, unlike men. Just think, toughness is required from a man everywhere - in work, in behavior, in sports, and when it comes to showing feelings, it is not surprising that they are in no hurry to talk about love.
Fear of losing freedom
For men, personal independence and freedom is one of the most important priorities in life, and they are very afraid of losing all this if they say "I love you." Today you will demand a declaration of love, tomorrow you will forbid him to go out with friends, and then you will generally drag him to the registry office, they think. Try to talk to him and explain that restrictions and words of love are different things, it’s just important for you to be in a relationship, to be confident in your partner’s feelings.
No such example
If your man grew up in a family where parents did not indulge each other with words of love and tenderness, then he will do the same. A father for any man is a model of behavior that he subconsciously adopts. Is it possible to re-educate such a man? Difficult, but possible. You need to replace one program of behavior with another, gradually suggesting to him that showing feelings is not so scary. Start expressing your love yourself first, perhaps at first a man will not hear you, but over time you will get used to it. Do not be offended because he does not react to your manifestations of feelings the way you would like, because a woman has a wider range of feelings, which a man cannot fully feel. Most a good place, where you can get through to a man - this is a bed. After a passionate night, you can give a flattering assessment of his efforts, and then start a conversation about love, which a flattered man will perceive much more easily.
old mistakes
Perhaps he had previously confessed his love and was even sincere at that moment, but then his romance did not end very well and the word love was drowned in quarrels, screams and mutual insults. Or maybe he himself was the first to confess his love, but his partner did not appreciate this and did not say the same in response, and now he associates words of love with unpleasant memories. Which exit? Here you just need to be patient and wait until your relationship is tested for strength, and the man decides that he has nothing to be afraid of and will make you happy with three important words.
Wrong approach
A woman suffering from male coldness often uses completely wrong tactics. You will have to be wise and compliant as a woman, otherwise you will not achieve anything constructive from a man. Men do not perceive any demands and accusations in their direction, so if a woman starts her conversation with claims, then the result will be very sad, the man simply will not listen to her. He perceives such statements addressed to him as pressure and attempts to remake him for himself. And he will basically do exactly the same as before. The most correct thing is to calmly talk with your man and tell that you would like to receive more affection and warmth in your address, you really appreciate your relationship, but if words of love were more often heard in them, then you would feel happier. With this position, you will have a much better chance of being heard.
Sometimes words of love have to be pulled out of my husband with tongs. He is stingy with such displays of affection. And I need to get compliments. I, like many women, love with my ears! I want to hear about how beautiful, smart, loved I am!
Words are words, but actions must be taken. And I decided, by all means, to liberate my husband, to “talk” him! But before starting to work on my husband's behavior, I tried to find out the reasons why he is stingy with words about love.
Fear
Yes, my husband is scared. Inexplicable fear of responsibility for spoken words. And everything seems to be fine with us. Official family, registered marriage. Children. But still, my man is afraid to say the most important thing.
Sometimes I think that words are not the main thing. The main thing is actions. My husband proves his love for me every day with his deeds. I know our marriage is a big step for him. He, like me, is determined to live together all his life. And it pleases! But I want no less compliments from this.
Emotional coldness
This is quite common for men. My beloved husband is a little phlegmatic. He communicates equally with me, with his mother, with our children. He loves us silently. The husband silently gives flowers, silently shows concern.
My man is in a sense devoid of sentimentality. He doesn't laugh often, more and more serious. He understands jokes, but you can't get a smile out of him. And even more lovely words.
Length of marriage
It seems to me that the coldness and taciturnity of my husband is gaining momentum over the years. Before the wedding and the first years after it, he said compliments, showed his feelings.
And after the registration of the marriage, everything gradually came to naught. Probably, it seems to my beloved husband that I should understand it that way. He often recalls this anecdote:
She: Dear, have you loved me a little all these years?
Him: What a question, all these years!
She: So why didn't you ever tell me about it?
He: What do you mean - never? I told you about this on the day of the wedding, if something changed, I would let you know!
He laughs, and I'm sad, to be honest. We've only been together for 7 years and he's already so cold to me!
The husband sincerely believes that our relationship is reliable, proven. And to anything the manifestation of lisping. This is how we have been living for 7 years. And we live well! We raise children, we build a house.
While writing this topic, I threw out my emotions, felt sorry for myself again, then thought about my husband and decided to leave everything as it is. After all, somehow I lived all these years with my beloved silent egoist? :)
Do your men compliment you? How do they express their love for you? Do you want to teach your husbands how to speak affectionate words?
