What makes men file for divorce? Women are more likely to file for divorce
According to statistics from the Russian civil registry offices, women become the initiators of divorce in more than 60% of cases. And it seems strange. After all, traditionally, it is a woman who is the guardian of family values. However, women are more emotional than men, and the declaration of divorce is often nothing more than the result of an explosion of feelings.
Men, on reaching a certain age, avoid change and are willing to endure much in order not to disturb their usual way of life. But there are those 40%, when the spouse does not stand up and decides. What pushes him to this step?
- Disappointment - the problem of the first years of marriage
The same statistics registry offices show that most marriages break up in the first two years. It is at this time that the blinding of passion passes, and the newly-made spouses begin to get to know each other better.
What is the surprise of young and not very people, when the place of a beautiful, sophisticated girl, for the love of which they fought, is a woman in a worn-out robe, able to think only about what to cook for dinner. Yes, our feelings are often "drowned in everyday life," according to the apt expression of the poet Viktor Troegubov. And the matter here is not at all in everyday affairs, but in relations between spouses. If a woman is brought up in such a way that he perceives his partner as a means of satisfying his own whims, and not as a self-sufficient person with his goals and dreams, a man cannot be happy in such a family.
While the wife believes that the spouse should love her and fulfill her desires, without demanding anything in return, she remains a child and cannot build a full-fledged relationship. From this point of view, the separation is for her an important experience that allows you to grow up. Having survived, she becomes wiser and builds a new family taking into account previous mistakes.
- Unwillingness to take responsibility
From the previous part of the article it can be concluded that the main culprit for a divorce is a woman who does not understand and appreciates her man. In fact, it is not. Many men also do not want to grow up and live, as if "stuck" in adolescence. The main vital value for them is freedom, that is, the ability to do whatever they want and not take care of anyone.
Such men, regardless of age, will definitely find a reason to leave, because they do not want to take responsibility for the family. The alleged or real betrayal of the wife, misunderstanding, or rather, the unwillingness of a woman to indulge their whims, money issues and much more can be the basis for submitting an application. At this point, a woman, driven to despair by the permanent, may decide to disperse. The question is always complex.
Here it is important to separate the actual family problems that can and should be solved from the cunning of one of the partners. For example, misunderstanding can really exist, and this can be changed, but a man can use it to have the right to give up family life. In this case, he may soon want to return or create a new marriage, since it is important for him to be surrounded by attention and love. But, most likely, the situation with the divorce will happen again.
- Age crisis
The third frequent reason why a man filed for divorce is a reassessment of values, which occurs in many representatives of the stronger sex after 35 years and is called the age crisis. This period is not so easy for a man to survive. He often feels that life has passed in vain, that all the dreams for which he lived, no longer matter.
The earth literally leaves him under his feet, and he has to look for new landmarks. Often, during this period, men leave the family, fall in love, fall ill, fall into prolonged depression. Sometimes after the end of the crisis, the desire to divorce disappears, and sometimes a person completely changes his goals and simply. In this case, the woman can only accept his choice.
- Everyone has the right to choose: advice to wives
Some women who are left behind by their husbands tend to go to extremes: they consider themselves guilty and engage in self-flagellation, they are accused of “insidious traitor”. Both that and other approach is not true. It is not your fault that your husband made such a choice. It was his decision, but a person cannot be forced to act as you see fit, but you cannot force it anyway. In the same way, a man is not to blame for the fact that his feelings for you have changed, that he is as he is. You can not take it and suffer, but it is unproductive. Isn't it better to start and take care of yourself?
The founder of Gestalt therapy Frederic Perls once wrote a prayer that would be worth repeating to anyone who wants to be happy in a relationship with another person. Oddly enough, Perls often used it in his work to help couples keep their family together. Here are her words:
I am I, you are you.
I go my way, and you go yours.
I do not live to meet your expectations, and you do not live to meet mine.
If we meet, this is happiness and good luck, and if our paths diverged, there is nothing to be done.
- Material prepared by: psychologist-consultant (Moscow, RSUH)
- Friends! The subject of the next article is "" - category: "". In order not to miss it, you can subscribe to the online newsletter of the journal by e-mail.
- We invite you to familiarize yourself with the full list of articles on the main page. Cognitive journal
Life is such that not all marital marriages are stable and successful. Sometimes it becomes clear that the partners are not suitable for each other and they have to leave, but to leave yourself and release the partner (who does not always understand that this is necessary) to freedom is often not easy. A divorce in the signs of the zodiac will tell you what to expect from your partner.
Scandals, mutual recriminations, lawsuits not only darken life, they contribute to the emergence of new and tightening old knots, so we must do everything possible so that the gap is not overshadowed by insults and hidden malice. To do this, its initiator must show not only generosity, but also tact, leading the case so that the partner himself comes to the conclusion about the need to part.
The following “rules of parting” for each character can help with this difficult task. Of course, this requires correction in the light of the individual and the specific situation.
Divorce Zodiac sign Aries
Aries - personal gambling and independent. They can not stand when they are overly protective of, and also when their small weaknesses and failures become the property of others. At the same time, they are jealous, quick-tempered and able to become enraged (true, quickly passing).
To Aries (best embarrassed and with a sense of awareness of his own guilt) offered to disperse, in any case do not tell him that you love another, or that he, Aries, has ceased to satisfy you as a sexual partner, or that you don’t want to tolerate slashing, not able to provide you a normal life.
This provokes a scandal (up to the use of brute physical force), and you not only fail to part peacefully, but also make an enemy. It is much easier to lose interest in the Napoleonic plans of your “half”, while taking care of his state of health. Drag him to the doctors, stuff various potions, complain to everyone about his shaky health, wear Aries in public socks and defiantly close the vents.
At the same time, it is good to “tune” one of the lonely friends to praise the male and volitional qualities of the ward husband. Tired of guardianship, Aries will certainly cling to the "soul mate" and ... will file for divorce.
Divorce Taurus
Taurus loves comfort and coziness, loves to eat well and can not bear to part with the material values that fell into their hands. However, they are very conservative and lazy, so getting them to leave is a rather laborious process. The main rule with this: do not annoy! Taurus does not boil immediately, but, angry, it becomes extremely dangerous and ruthless.
At the same time, he will be able to part with the wasteless, empty-headed and restless little fool quite painlessly and, tormented by remorse of conscience (he left the helpless creature to the mercy of fate), will even sacrifice part of the property and agree to pay alimony. He will not suffer the other extreme.
Various “tasteless” diets, an empty fridge, labor enthusiasm, when a spouse disappears late at work, and at home - dirt and hunger, will make Taurus rise from the couch and search for a more suitable companion capable of providing home comfort and a hearty lunch.
Divorce Zodiac sign Gemini
The twins are such a sign, which is easier to get rid of — it is only necessary to stop holding them and to control them, and they will immediately find some kind of adventure on their head. Since the alliance with Gemini rests primarily on intellectual communication, make sure that you get bored. No discussion of the "perpetual motion", the mysteries of the Bermuda Triangle and the prospects for presidential elections.
Talk about children, the current tap and the prices of tomatoes on the market and in the store - that’s enough for Gemini to get tired of and look around for something interesting. It is much more difficult to explain to them that in this case it is necessary to take some measures - to change the place of residence, to perform various legal procedures, to resolve parental problems. At this point, it is necessary to show mild perseverance, so that Gemini understands that you can only get rid of you completely, having only salted, but drank.
Divorce Zodiac sign Cancer
Crayfish - couch potatoes with a soft poetic character, attached to the house and adore children. All these qualities make parting with them particularly difficult. As a matter of fact, there is only one way to leave Cancer-man (Cancer-woman, as a rule, one remains extremely rare), without making him unhappy - to attach him "in good hands".
Nowadays, when there are a lot of lovely, economic, single women in the world, seeking to arrange their destiny, it is not so difficult, although it takes time. You should have a girlfriend who favorably differs from you in shyness, romance and dreams of a big house near the water, in which at least four children will frolic.
You urgently need to turn into either a secular lioness surrounded by fans, or a business woman who is sickened by everything related to housekeeping. After a while, Cancer, embarrassedly dropping his eyes, will say that he has met his Love. Wish him happiness and present to the wedding landscape with the full moon.
Divorce zodiac sign Leo
Leo loves to be in the center of attention and be the owner of beautiful rare things (to which he also classifies his spouses), causing universal admiration. Consequently, in order for Leo to leave his partner, one must either stop admiring this King of Beasts (which, however, is fraught with trouble) or begin to compromise him with his homeliness and banality.
Refuse to go out with him "in the light", wander around the house in a baggy robe, at the most inconvenient moment start a conversation about childhood diseases, show your ignorance of the limitations in the company where Leo intended to "show off." That will be enough for him to try (elegantly, of course) to get rid of you.
As for his further fate, you can not worry - Leo will surround himself in two accounts with a retinue of fans (or fans) who dream of sharing a crown with him. The only advice is that when you return your secular gloss, try not to catch the eye of your “former”. Lions often live on the principle of “what we have, do not store, if we lose it, we cry,” so that, having seen you in all splendor, he may well desire you back. Do you need it?
Divorce of the Virgo zodiac sign
Virgo methodical, fanatically hardworking, irritable and suspicious. It is not difficult to part with it, but if this is done “carelessly”, you will be faced with the most boring legal processes, petty, but revenge that goes on for years and gossip and complaints that have fallen on the heads of your mutual friends.
To avoid this, you need to lead the Virgin to the idea that further existence under the same roof with you can adversely affect her health (although you yourself are not to blame for this, you are simply inattentive, wasteful and careless by nature).
And for this, be late yourself and force your Maiden to be late (gather for two hours, forget the necessary things, leave gas stoves and irons turned on and think about it halfway and so on), tear the Maiden away from work in the service with silly calls, at home - no less stupid questions, stop her from keeping to a diet, never put things in her place, buy completely useless (from the point of view of Virgo), but expensive things, find yourself a noisy, messy company.
First, they will try to re-educate you - nod your head dejectedly, try to fix it (for a day or two) and take on the old. After six months, you will be offered to discuss the section of jointly acquired property.
Divorce Zodiac sign Libra
The scales are peaceful, cool and subtle. They do not like violent outbursts of passion, and finding out relationships is considered tiresome. They love luxury and sophisticated society and do not like to overly bother themselves. This sign is not conflicted, but it is not helpless either, so it’s quite simple to part with it.
The first way is jealousy. Be jealous, check, watch for the annoying Scales, even if there is no obvious reason. Firstly, it is annoying, and secondly, as Dumas noted, blaming someone for something he didn’t commit means pushing to this act.
Under the pretext of jealousy, try to keep your partner at home, depriving him of his usual society and piling on him many uninteresting household chores. Enter the strictest saving mode - collect money for something expensive, but boring, not elegant and threatening even more trouble, offer yourself to provide yourself with potatoes and vegetables, offer instead of a beautiful imported thing to visit a home-knitted sweater.
At the same time, it is good to “not understand” the poems or pictures you like, and start daily retelling a regular television series. This will be the last straw.
Divorce Zodiac Sign Scorpio
Scorpio is jealous, vindictive and smart. This is the most dangerous sign of the zodiac, so you need to get rid of it with the mind. First, lose all interest in sex (with the partner must be convinced that the cause of cooling is not some "other"). This sign cannot physically endure long abstinence, and therefore will quickly find someone on its side.
When this happens, pretend to be a martyr - cry, lament your fate, sigh, but in no case do not make scenes. Scorpios just love flashes of emotion, and a jealous hysterical partner can revive a faded passion.
At this time, try to turn to him with a weak, stupid and uninteresting side. For Scorpio, the meaning of partnership is to possess, fight or serve. To tolerate next to a "empty space" he will not.
If your Scorpio is a highly developed person (however, it is not easy to find those willing to voluntarily leave Scorpio of the highest level), try to break some internal canons that exist with every Scorpio. Just make sure not to offend him personally - no one is recommended to tease this sign.
Divorce Zodiac sign Sagittarius
The path to the heart of this noble and whimsical mark lies through sport, stomach and romance. If you remove at least one of these three whales, the love of Sagittarius will quickly subside.
Finding that his partner is an ordinary person, who prefers evening at the TV to romantic kisses in the lilac bushes and doesn’t distinguish football from hockey, Sagittarius will quickly find another ideal, but it will not be easy to survive him from the house where tasty food is being washed and well washed. Therefore, it is better to start with an attempt to transfer it to a super-healthy vegetarian diet, combining it with the requirements to check the lessons of children, and on weekends, when the soul of Sagittarius is drawn to fishing or skiing, force him to pin shelves in a closet or go to visit relatives.
As often as possible, remind him of his duty to you, cite as positive examples of types that he cannot stand, and criticize his friends and acquaintances. When he rebelled and disappeared for a few days, meet him with reproaches, an empty refrigerator and the offer to immediately begin repairing the vacuum cleaner. Such a Sagittarius will not suffer.
Divorce Capricorn Zodiac Sign
Capricorn is a cracker, individualist and careerist. But if he decided to marry, it is more than difficult to make him leave. The best way is to interfere with his job and promotion. Capricorns are big ambitious people, but in the material sense they are ready to be content with little.
Therefore, if you force him to leave a promising job and start making big money to meet your needs, he will sooner or later prefer to sacrifice you for the sake of such a dear business to him. Capricorns do not like noisy crowded companies, so the crowds of guests who linger until nightfall will annoy the host, who will be at work tomorrow morning.
If he works at home, distract him with all sorts of nonsense, such as the questions “do you love me?” Or “does this dress for me, dear?” Will be annoyed and extravagant behavior and clothing of a partner, especially if Capricorn and others with his points of view are people. In short, Capricorn will come to the conclusion that the deed and marriage are two incompatible things, which you will inform one day about.
Divorce Zodiac Aquarius
Aquarius loves to change partners, so parting with him is very easy. In addition, the sign is not vindictive and easy to communicate, so in this case, you can simply invite him somewhere in the cafe and inform that you are not suitable for each other and you better part. There is every chance that your application will be taken for granted, you will part good friends and sometimes go to visit each other.
If a simple statement is not enough, show that you are tired of noisy companies, extravagant antics and decided to do business - write a dissertation, earn a lot of money, do gardening and so on. The main thing is that your idea does not seem to Aquarius worthy of attention, otherwise it will accept you with its inherent enthusiasm to help.
In addition, Aquarius can not stand jealousy, suspicion and domestic affairs, so trying to expose his friends from the house, the scene with tears and the demand to repair the current tap will cause him to want to immediately run out of this hell. Q.E.D.
Divorce of the zodiac sign Pisces
Pisces is easy to convince anything, the main thing is to get down to business with affection. This sign is prone to mysticism and self-sacrifice, so it can be suggested to him that some higher powers require separation.
This sign works best either with strong, independent natures, behind which the gentle Pisces feel safe and can admire their idol, or with the wretched and miserable, who need to immediately start taking care, at the same time putting them on the right path.
If you do not belong to any of these categories, you will rather easily get rid of your Pisces by pointing them to the desired object and convincing them of their ordinaryness, limitations and inability to understand higher matters.
The only thing that should never be done while parting with Pisces is to try to make them objectively evaluate the situation and themselves. This is fraught with the longest clarification of relationships that will lead nowhere, reproaches, tantrums and insult for life.
Natalya Novikova
As a rule, thoughts of divorce from his wife appear in men during a period of acute family crises, betrayal by his wife, as well as with enthusiasm for another woman who is the opposite of his wife.
The desire to divorce and the initiative of divorce in men is much less common than in women. Approximately in the ratio of 30 to 70. It is difficult to say what caused such statistics.
It can be assumed that women are characterized by great impulsiveness, they more often feel responsible for the family, for the preservation of the hearth, and thus for the “quenching” of the hearth, they also more often feel dissatisfaction with the quality of the relationship and divorce is the last resort in these relations.
Without trying to immerse in the motives of divorce in women, let us dwell on this fact: in most cases, the initiative to file an application for divorce belongs to women.
Men, though rational, also have feelings.
Men, being people more rational, logical, nevertheless, harboring the idea of divorce, may have many different doubts that must be solved before starting the process of divorce.
We will talk about these doubts, about these experiences.
In preparation for the divorce, the man weighs the pros and cons, trying to find the "right" solution. This “right” decision revolves around the idea that there will be more as a result of a divorce: gain or loss. It is important to understand yourself, to be sincere with yourself.
Any divorce is a loss. Even if you feel that nothing binds you to your wife, and the “train” is ready for divorce, in fact, this is slyness.
Feelings of loss accompany every divorce, but we can not always be aware of these feelings. What do we lose in a divorce: we say goodbye to those good moments in your life together, from which there seems to be nothing left, but they were, they are part of your life together.
We say goodbye to those hopes, plans that we built in life together, and which are no longer destined to be realized; we also lose the familiar atmosphere that our life now represents, the familiar apartment, the day schedule, the furniture, the car.
Of course, if you have joint children, the process of divorce becomes more painful, as we experience not only our own pain, but also the pain of children.
Why is it important to talk about losses here: because understanding, realizing these feelings of our own - with which we say goodbye, which will not happen anymore - we reduce the risk that after some time, after the decision is made, these feelings will sweep over us with such a force that they will force them to regret their decision, they will make such adjustments to life, that until we figure out with them, we will not be able to do anything else.
- First of all, think about what you will lose. You can write it on a piece of paper. Try to write everything that comes to mind, ranging from simple material things to sensations, habits, small details in the daily routine.
- Separately, describe the situation with children that you lose as a father (it is important to understand that you do not cease to be a father, you can only stop being a husband). What exactly will disappear after a divorce in your relationship with children. Do not write what will happen, write what will not.
- Try to imagine yourself in the place of the child. Describe what he (she) will lose, what will not.
Try not to write at this stage what will be, what will arise, because this is still your idea, some kind of fantasy that may be different in reality. Write only what is now and what will not be.
The brighter, the more detailed you describe what you lose, the fuller your decision will be. It is possible that after seeing the list of what you may lose, you will change your mind. But this does not mean that your thoughts about divorce were a mistake. Most likely the thought of divorce was an indication that you should work on the relationship, discuss with your wife, contact a specialist.
If, after what you indicated as a loss, your desire for a divorce did not diminish, it is likely that this desire is dictated by a really strong dissatisfaction with the relationship. Try to put it in your mind, or on paper, a list of what you really do not like in your relationship.
Emphasis on themselves, their qualities, and not on the qualities of his wife.
Bring not only the qualities of your wife (does not cook at home, does not clean, does not support you, etc.), but to a greater extent your feelings, how you feel like a married man. What are your qualities, behavior is not satisfied.
As a result, you will have a list of some qualities about your wife and yourself. If your qualities are much less, then most likely, your wife bears the burden of responsibility for the entire family that you gave her. And after a divorce - you will do the same in other ways.
If the list of dissatisfaction with yourself is approximately equal to the list of qualities about your wife, then there is a chance that you really are really looking at things, and your relationship is in a state of crisis, which you will pass, keeping your family or not, but will probably become more mature and new relationships can be more stable.
If your list is much larger than the list about your wife, then in your case you need to delve into changing yourself than your wife. In this psychoanalysis can be a good civilized tool.
Summing up, it should be remembered that preparation for a divorce is a mandatory step that allows you to audit your relationship, understand exactly what is wrong, and what should be corrected.
Divorce is not always an effective way to change something in life. Sometimes after a divorce, the spouses create similar relationships with others, and everything starts anew.
I wish you happiness and wisdom!
From the seats reported:
According to a recent survey, women are the initiators of most divorces in Russia. Men, despite the conventional wisdom, are less inclined to a cardinal step. The main reasons for the divorce of a woman are her husband’s bad habits, jealousy, and excessive irritability. However, Kommersant FM experts believe that family conflicts can be resolved without taking the matter to the extreme. Details - Julia Pontus.
68% of Russians surveyed admitted that they initiated a divorce. The representatives of the stronger sex, who were the first to tell the spouses about the intention to break the marriage, turned out to be only 47%. Among men who have children, 52% initiated a rupture of marital relations, and among childless they turned out to be 7% less. Almost three-quarters of women with children decided to leave their spouse, and among the childless ladies such turned out to be 63%. There are many ways to resolve family conflicts, not bringing the matter to divorce, said Anna Kislichenko, chairwoman of the public organization “Family and Peace”.
“Now there is a so-called institute of mediations - a paid service, where a person mediates in family conflict and tries to bring an agreement. These are specially trained psychologists who perform such a service, but you need to try, because life shows that a year or two passes, especially after several years, people look around and think “what am I doing?” Kislichenko noted.
Russian women surveyed noted that the husband’s bad habits, lack of financial support for the family, as well as jealousy and excessive irritability were the reasons for the divorce. When differences in a family develop into a serious conflict, it is better for spouses to file for divorce in order to maintain good relations with the child, says Alexander Badanin, the chief editor of Cosmopolitan magazine.
“The question here is not about yourself personally and the preservation of the family, but the question is how the child will be better. From my own experience, I realized that a child is much more comfortable in peace of mind when he lives with his mom or dad - with one of his parents - and often sees himself with another, ”explained Badanina
Divorced men called the reason for the gap the laziness of his wife, the inability to cook and the refusal to share problems in business. Also, one of the respondents reported that the spouse stole from him half a million rubles. Getting married, many women pay attention only to the financial viability of men, because of which then there is a serious conflict in the family, says football player, former midfielder of the Russian national team Alexander Mostovoi.
“They still say that he drank or drank or something - well, what kind of man or woman is not drinking now? I think the girls are now drinking and smoking. Our life has become very dependent on money, just the girls are trying to earn a living for the duration of their marriage, which is why they have frequent divorces, ”said Mostovoi.
In general, more than half of the interviewed respondents admitted that it was they who wrote the statement about divorce. And 22% said they simply agreed with the inevitable.
Very curious numbers. We were asked to comment on their family psychologist, specializing just in medicine in family relationships:
“Indeed, women are more prone to radical measures in the event of marital conflict. The reason lies in the fact that women in the mass are more emotional, more dependent on the psychological atmosphere in the family. And the point is not only that the decision on divorce is made under the influence of emotions. Most women tend to think that the emotions that they experience at the beginning of a relationship, and the psychological comfort that is associated with it, will last forever. But relationships change, often irritability often replaces indulgent tenderness with someone else's flaws - it scares women, drives them into stupor and torpor, the only way out of which they see the end of the relationship. ”
