What is stronger: love or passion? The cornerstones of any quarrel. What is love
Friendship men and women - how much for us is concluded in these words! How much joy, inner light, intimacy and warmth this relationship can bring!
And at the same time, the relationship between man and woman - an area that causes a lot of questions to the psychologist. Indeed, in this area, as a rule, we open ourselves as deeply as possible, and therefore we perceive all problems in relationships as painful, with “bare skin”. At the same time, the problems that we encounter in relations with our loved ones are always an opportunity to know ourselves and reach a new level of relations, first of all, with ourselves, and, of course, with our partners.
In this section, we suggest you analyze the nature of the relationship between man and woman.
Loneliness. How to avoid it
Sometimes, despite all our attempts, we fail to meet her only one (his only one). Why is this happening and what to do in this case?
It is important to understand that the events around us are absolutely consistent with what is inside us, our inner world and our inner reality. Therefore, if you still have not been able to meet your beloved (loved one), you should look, as you yourself do not allow yourself to do it.
I would like to give a few possible reasons for loneliness:
Vagueness of purpose.
It happens that we ourselves do not exactly know what we want, as a result of which we substitute concepts, and as a result, our desire loses its attractiveness. I will cite a dialogue between a psychologist and a client:
Client: “I can’t marry in any way, but I really need support”
Psychologist: “So you need support or want to get married?”
Client: “Exactly, I don't want to get married, I was already there. I just need a romantic relationship with a man "
When we precisely, at the level of inner truth, formulate for ourselves what we want, allowing ourselves to want our own desires rather than the rules adopted in society, we achieve integrity in relation to our desire, and it is automatically realized.
Previous negative experiences.
When previous relationships, or their breakdown, were painful for us, there may be a fear of relationships. In this case, it is desirable to understand that the new relationship will always be somewhat different, draw conclusions from previous experience and allow yourself to try again.
Unfinished previous relationship.
One of the reasons for loneliness can be a great significance for us of previous relationships. This happens when, in spite of the fact that we broke up with our previous partner, there was something so important for us in the relationship with him that our thoughts and feelings constantly turn to him. That is, despite the fact that he or she is not with us, we may feel love, attraction to our former partner, we compare all our current relationships with previous ones, as with a standard, and compare all potential partners with previous ones. Sometimes this incompleteness may be expressed in the conviction that we will not meet another such person, there will be no other such relationship.
In this case, it is important to understand that the past is only the past. With all the love, warmth and gratitude, say goodbye to your previous partner and past relationships, and make room in your soul for a new future.
Conflicting goals
It happens that we have several conflicting goals. For example, a mother who is raising a child, on the one hand, wants to get married again, and on the other hand, wants a good future for the child, and it seems to her that by marrying again, she will harm the child. Or a young man, on the one hand, wants a long relationship, but on the other hand, it’s important for him to remain free, and it seems to him that by joining long relationshiphe will lose his freedom.
The way out of this situation is to understand what your desires are in conflict, and find a way to reconcile them. For example, to build relationships that would leave room for inner freedom and at the same time give love.
Explore your inner space, and perhaps you will find elements that are not listed above, not allowing you to realize your desire and meet the friend (friend) of life.
After you have transformed all the components that do not allow you to meet his beloved (her beloved one), become complete in relation to your desire, allow yourself to have the relationship you want. Dream about your future. See it the way you like it. See yourself what you are doing, what you feel, what contribution you make to the relationship.
And now - a little bit of magic! Place the resulting picture in a golden ball (in soap bubble golden color) and release to the sky with love and gratitude! After that - be open to new meetings and new relationships!
Turns out he's different
“It turns out he is different,” we say after several years of marriage. Indeed, after several years life together we begin to notice in our spouses qualities that we have not previously noticed, behaviors that we do not always like. And it turns out that we were supposedly married with one person, and we seem to live with another.
There are several explanations for this:
On the one hand, at the beginning of a relationship, when feelings are strong, we tend to idealize our partner. This means that in our partner we see mainly his positive sidesbut the negative sides either do not notice at all, or tend to downplay their meaning. On the other hand, we tend to idealize the relationship itself. Often we do not notice those aspects of the relationship that do not fit into our perfect image and can destroy it, regardless of the age of the man and woman.
Of course, our partner helps, because at the beginning of a relationship, we often want to show ourselves better than we are and behave in such a way as to make a pleasant impression. Women want to be what they think they especially like men. And this is wrong!
Time passes, the emotional glow subsides, and at the same time the veil falls from our eyes, so that we finally have the opportunity to see our spouse as it is - sometimes unshaven, sometimes tired, sometimes angry. And in a relationship, both we and our spouse allow ourselves something that they did not allow before.
Congratulations! Finally, we have the opportunity to build relationships not with an illusion, but with a real person! Really build, since relationships between people require conscious effort and investment. Build without shifting responsibility for family relationships on the spouse, and realizing the connection between their own actions and the result in the relationship.
Relationships based only on passion are short-lived, because passion itself is short-lived
Psychologists have identified three principles that make the relationship strong and long: forgiveness, cooperation and mutual respect. From myself I would add another principle: acceptance. Accepting a spouse as he is (with being overweight, sullen, capricious or, on the contrary, irresponsible and humorous, not ideal, invented by you) and accepting yourself as you are (and not an ideal self-image) brings an amazing harmony in relationships.
Going along this path, try to start from yourself: by accepting yourself, by respecting your interests, by allowing yourself to be yourself. Realize your influence on your relationship. Try experimenting and show more respect, love and warmth towards your spouse - you will be surprised how unexpected results can be!
Treason spouse. What to do next
Cheating is something that sometimes happens in a marital relationship. Some people in this case easily make decisions: whether to part, to preserve the marriage, and go on in life, without returning to what happened. It is difficult for other people to make a decision about what to do: forgive or break up, and if the marriage is preserved - how to continue behaving with this person, after all, distrust remains, perhaps, coldness and resentment.
If such a situation has occurred in your family, and it still causes you discomfort, perhaps reading this article will help you find a new look and make this situation clearer and more harmonious for you.
Treason spouse does not give to rest when our own happiness and satisfaction from life, we very closely associate with another person. For example, when we tell ourselves (and maybe even a spouse): “My happiness is you,” “Without you, my life is not complete,” “After treason, I cannot trust you,” etc. In this case, of course, treason deprives us of something very important: whether happiness, integrity, or the ability to trust.
But after all, in fact, saying: “My happiness is you”, we declare: “My happiness and our relations depend only on you, your behavior and attitude towards me.” Is it really so? Does our mental state really depend on another person? Can we allow ourselves to be happy and self-fulfilling, regardless of circumstances and relationships?
Romain Rolland said: "... Whoever wears the sun in himself and life will not look for light somewhere on the side."
In fact, this means having to shift the focus of attention to yourself and also take responsibility for your life to yourself.
Remember that your marital relationship is only a part of your life. Look at your life in general. Which one do you want to see her? What should be your life so you like it? Profession, friends, leisure, hobbies, something for the soul? What is important, valuable should be in your life, that it was worth living? What brings you satisfaction and joy? What can you change in yourself and in your actions to get closer to the resulting image? (Remember that small steps are also considered J)
Enter the matrimonial relationship in the drawn picture. Think about how you want them to be. Rate what you can really affect. (You may find that the only thing that you can directly influence is yourself, your thoughts, feelings and behavior of J.) So let's change what we can really change! Put an experiment - how marital relations change after changes in you.
In conclusion, I would like to say that, of course, it is much easier to blame your spouse, and to say that until he changes, your relationship will not become different. This is a great way to find the cause of misfortunes in your own life and to avoid changes for the better. Work on yourself requires effort, but it is she who brings real changes in life. After all, what surrounds us is only a reflection of our inner reality.
"Our happiness depends more on how we meet the events of our life than on the nature of the events themselves." (A. Humboldt)
Fear of new relationships
Great relationship, then a break, something did not work out, the bitterness of parting, the pain of loss, and then - I am self-sufficient (self-sufficient), I have a full life, many events, I am happy (happy), and only sometimes - aching feeling of loneliness, which thrust into the far corners of your mind, because I am self-sufficient (self-sufficient)!
For many of us it is very important to be loved and to love. But if the relationship did not work out, this need can be crowded out, and we cannot even admit to ourselves how we need love and permanent relationship. Despite the fact that this need is not realized, it affects our lives, affects the decisions we make, and does not make us feel completely happy - there is something we need, but what is missing from ours. of life! And then the woman begins to invest energy in her career, and the man changes her relationship like gloves, but there is still no feeling of happiness, integrity of life! Because no career can replace love.
What to do in this case?
Let's first understand what happens in the human psyche in case of a failed relationship. Our psychic apparatus loves to generalize everything very much (in order to process information quickly in the future), and if we have experienced very unpleasant experiences once, as a rule, this is elevated to the rank of a rule. For example, such: "Close relationships always lead to pain." On the other hand, in the course of evolution, we adapted to avoid painful experiences, as they are usually associated with a threat to life or health. For example, if a person once burned with boiling water from a kettle, most likely he will always be very careful in the future when dealing with the said kettle - this is the object that is dangerous. Thus, having a generalized conclusion “Close relationships always lead to pain,” we will subconsciously strive to avoid what brings pain, that is, relationships. On a close relationship, our psyche puts the same label as on the teapot from the above example: “dangerous!”. The picture will be incomplete if we do not say that all the described processes are usually forced out into the subconscious, and at the level of awareness remains: “I do not need anyone”, “I am self-sufficient (self-sufficient”, “They (persons of the opposite sex) I do not stand ", etc.
Look inside yourself and find your answer to the question - do I want relationships, do I need them. It is important to find exactly your own answer, and not the answer dictated by fears or social norms. If your answer is “Yes,” it would be nice to dream about how you want to see your relationship. Try to see not so much your potential partner (“I need an oligarch”), but rather what is important to you in a relationship, on which they will keep - warmth, mutual respect, love, acceptance (and what about you?). Rate what your contribution to the relationship will be. The more specifically you describe the picture of the potential relationship, the more accurate the coordinates set to your subconscious.
If you understand that you are afraid of new closeness only because your previous experience is unsuccessful, remember that the new is new because it is different from the old, and one bad experience cannot determine the rest of your life. Consider the previous experience as a source of valuable information: what can be changed in yourself, so that the following relationships will be formed differently, what new qualities in yourself to work out, and maybe you just need to learn to forgive and accept? Give yourself the right to make a mistake, because even a well-trained sniper to hit a target is given three shots.
Evaluate which subjectively safe steps you can take to meet new love (for example, starting a novel is scary and unrealistic, but it’s real and safe to drink a cup of coffee in a cafe with someone you like) and make them!
Allow yourself to open up a new journey into relationships and allow yourself to experiment and explore the world, including such an important and beautiful part of it, as close relationships and love!
We quarreled ...
Quarrels are a waste of time and energy, they can worsen relations, a “drop” of quarrels can destroy even a big “stone” of love.
If you want to learn to steer the quarrel in another direction that is more acceptable to you, we hope, dear reader, that our article will help you with this.
In any relationship there is disagreement, and this is normal. But to allow disagreements to turn into a quarrel is only your choice and your responsibility.
As a rule, any altercation has a stereotypical scenario, that is, a repeating sequence of actions. It is easy to notice, analyzing several quarrels, looking at them from the side.
As a rule, the result of quarrels is predictable :). If you are not satisfied with this result, then this article is written for you.
Any communication (both pleasant and unpleasant) is cyclical, that is, the action of each communication participant is a reaction to the action of the partner. At the same time, one cannot say "who first began", since there is no beginning.
This puts us in some frames: our partner will inevitably react to our actions, but also gives us a certain freedom: we can influence the reaction of our partner by our behavior
The cornerstones of any quarrel:
- transfer of responsibility to a partner (he (she)) must first apologize, even if he (she) does not do this, he (she) has offended me (a), etc.);
- interpretation of the partner’s actions (he (she) wanted to offend me, he (she) knew (a) that I don’t like it, and still did (a), he (she) doesn’t like me, since it does))
- we allow our emotions to control us; emotions, like a wave, overwhelm and carry us;
- it seems to us that those emotions that we experience are the only possible ones in this situation and are justified by the behavior of the partner. In fact, if we watch people, we notice that different people in the same situations, they experience different emotions, which leads them, respectively, to different results. In fact, we can choose which emotions to experience in different situations;
- quarrel develops in a spiral: from cue to cue, emotions grow until they reach their apogee.
What you need to do to change the situation:
- to notice the developing spiral of quarrel;
- pay attention to the emotions that you and your partner are experiencing;
- imagine the result of a quarrel, if you allow events to evolve as they go;
- look at the situation from the side (see yourself and your partner from the side);
- remember what your relationship is based on. If these are the relationships that you choose to preserve, then they are based on some warm feelings. If these are relationships that you do not want to maintain, then all the more it does not make sense to quarrel - a waste of time and energy;
- understand what result from this conversation I want to get in the end (what result would you like);
- choose the behavior that will lead you to the desired result.
Hardly in the arsenal human feelings and emotions there is something brighter and more desirable than love and passion. They rarely go separately, more and more together, weave into one knot and confuse our already sometimes complicated relationship. Passion.ru decided to put everything in its place and figure out what love is and what passion is, and what feeling is stronger.
It is unlikely that in the arsenal of human feelings and emotions there is something brighter and more desirable than love and passion. They rarely go separately, more and more together, weave into one knot and confuse our sometimes complex relationships. Passion.ru decided to put everything in its place and figure out what love is and what passion is, and what feeling is stronger.
Passion
She is like the Serpent-Tempter, always with real feeling. She is like an apple in the Garden of Eden: threatens with exile and deprivation of everything, one has only to give in to it at the wrong time. But only few can resist it. Millions do not represent relationships, feelings and life without her. And is it worth treating her with such apprehension?
What is passion?
In order to avoid biased evaluations and false comments, we turned to the Dahl Dictionary for an explanation of what passion is.
Everything turned out to be very simple - and here it is, the definition from which we will build on: “ Passion is a spiritual impulse to something, moral thirst, greed, hunger, unaccountable attraction, unbridled, unreasonable desire ... Passion of a person ... separated from rational beginning, subordinated to him, but always with him hostile and know no measure. Every passion is blind and insane, it does not see and does not reason. Man in passion forest of the beast».
How physically expressed passion?
- cardiopalmus
- distracted attention
- involuntary pupil dilation
- "formication
- state of sexual arousal visits more often than usual
- often throws it in the cold, then in the heat
- the body is not at rest
- can shake hands
- a person can involuntarily constantly jerk his legs, etc.
What is a man in passion?
1. In his blood - a cocktail of feelings of joy, excitement, anxiety. Often there are so many ingredients in a cocktail that it is difficult for you to determine exactly what feelings you have. Since feelings are mostly positive, passion is often confused with love.
2. He may have unusual new desires. For example, running in the morning, swimming, drawing, music. I want to take care of others, feed the birds, etc.
3. He feels a strong desire to constantly be close to the subject of passion, to constantly touch him. Sometimes this desire reaches the level of obsession.
4. He wants to be part of the life of the object of passion, and the more, the better.
Psychologists say that at its most basic passion is physiological arousal, everything else is just its nuances or consequences. All this leads, firstly, to a stormy sex life (if the passion is mutual), because sex - the most vivid manifestation of passion. Secondly, to the constant "penetration" into the life of a partner in the form of calls, letters, sms, attention to social networksthat resembles the pursuit.
In other words, the body leaves a state of rest. The most important desire for passion is to possess. Testing this amount [ different emotions ] (), we lose control over our own behavior, which often leads to problems. The desire to get enough of another person covers the eyes and mind, in pursuit of pleasure, we completely forget about the needs of another.
Passion and chemistry
We know that if we understand how a miracle happens, the miracle ceases to exist. So we decided that if we understand how our body is experiencing passion, then we will stop treating it as something seductive and magical, and concentrate on something more long-lasting and meaningful.
So, where do all these delicious emotions and vivid experiences in the period of passion come from?
For euphoria, a surge of energy and good mood dopamine and serotoninthat are produced in abundance when we have passion. Because of the excess of dopamine, there is a strong desire to forget about everything, and, despite all the rules and dangers, to get what you want.
For the "inadequate" behavior of the body - anxiety, rapid heartbeat, trembling hands and feet - are responsible adrenaline and norepinephrine.
Scientists claim that substances like endorphin and enkephalinwhich are produced by the body involuntarily when we experience passion, act on the body like drugs.
The action of these hormones is short. That is, over time, the body stops responding to them in the same way as it did for the first time, forcing it to increase the dose.
To live with a man only passion is a dead end road. And the point is not in ephemeral moral norms and spiritual principles, but in the fact that passion (if it is only one in a relationship), like a drug, depletes the resources of the body.
That is, passion is chemistry, the result of the actions of our body, independently of us. If you conduct experiments on the human brain, then it will probably be possible to recreate the state of passion artificially. So is it worth saying that passion is something real? No more miracle.
We are not against passion, on the contrary! Passion is like a spice: in the hands of a skilled cook, they turn a set of ordinary products into a culinary masterpiece!
And if we compare the passion with spices, then we probably will not have long to say what will happen if an inept chef succumbs to temptation and puts a whole pack of red pepper in the dish: hot, but ... tasteless! How to keep to the norm?
How not to let passion spoil the relationship?
1. Use the urge to develop yourself.
Passion usually awakens a large number of desires that we have previously considered useful, but to do them we did not reach our hands or feet: to feed the birds, run in the mornings, draw, cook meals, help those in need. Realizing these desires, you will fill yourself, restore your strength, and passion (even if you give in to it) will not quickly deplete you, but on the contrary, will fill and, perhaps, even harmoniously with the development of love.
2. Add soul and sensuality to sex
What is stronger: love or passion? / shutterstock.com
If sex is not an expression of your love, then over time it will begin to devastate you. Diluting passion with passion can help avoid it. Add soulful words to sex (because sweet sensations are forgotten, but the words are remembered for a long time), concentrate on the feelings, and not just on the technique of the process itself.
3. Redefine the role that sex plays in your relationship.
Isn't it a tool that "solves" all your problems? Yes, indeed, after the act of such a “therapy” everything becomes less significant. But in fact, the problem is not solved, but only postponed. Passion cannot solve problems in love. It seems to us that this is a false way in [ long term relationship ]().
4. Leave your partner space for development.
Even if you want to help him, do not grab at any opportunity, filling in all the space - this is a passionate approach. At first it may be like. Then it may just be useful and familiar, but over time it will grow into "one life for two." And this will inevitably cause discomfort and disagreement, because the need for personal space remains with the person always.
Advice from Passion.ru: Of course, it is important to know the difference between passion and love, but it’s almost impossible to describe passion with words, it will be easier to test your feeling on an emotional level . Passion is comparable to strong hunger when there is food in sight. Imagine yourself in this situation, do you experience similar emotions?
If you think your partner is passionate
- Determine in what way his “passion” manifests itself, and solve problems gradually. Go to the question sober and cold.
- Try to keep an open mind on whether your partner is missing your love. A thirst for love and an unbridled desire to receive it are often the result of a lack of love through life.
- Show him your love as he understands it (for example, you praise him, and he needs you to spend more time with him). If your love does not reach him because of such a "language" barrier, then the man will seek to receive love from you by passionate "siphoning", usually the easiest way is sex. Check out Gary Chempen's book, 5 Languages of Love.
- Tell your partner what you want to see from the relationship and how you want him to show love to you. Perhaps a man simply does not understand what kind of love you need, so he shows it with the methods available to him. The manifestation of passion - the simplest, lying on the surface.
- Think, and whether your man is able at all to display such a high feeling as love; maybe passion is the only emotion available to him? Perhaps your partner - [ vampire ] (). No, this is not about the descendants of Dracula. If a person is not able to renew his energy reserves on his own, then any amount of love, even the most unconditional, will go into a black hole, which will become more and more each time. The thirst for such "food" will force a person to drain energy from you by any available methods. Passion is the easiest of them (sex that will empty you, constant control, jealousy, regular emotional shakes).
These tips were intended for those who were the object of lust in relationships that they would like to develop. However, if you find yourself in a whirlwind of passion in the "lonely" period of your life, then you may want to go around it and add another page to vivid memories.
Concluding, it is not a mistake to say that the basis of passion is egoism, the desire to take: a lot and constantly, insatiable and assertive. It is unlikely that anyone will be able to argue with the fact that egoism is not the strongest basis for any relationship. Is that except the market.
Love
There are legends about her, every day and every second millions of people on the planet think and dream about her. About her - billions of songs and poems. Love - the subject of research by leading scientists and the most eminent thinkers of millennia. She treats any disease. Everyone wants her: from baby to old man. She is the God of all, even if not everyone is aware of this.
What is love
The higher the “popularity” of love, the more of its substitutes and the more perverted formulations and sayings about it.
We decided to re-apply to the Dahl dictionary for clarification, but we did not find the definition of love, to our surprise. Probably, even for Dahl, it was not easy! Let us proceed from the fact that love is " feeling of deep affection, loyalty to someone or something, based on common interests, ideals, willingness to give your strength to a common cause or salvation, to the preservation of someone» ( Explanatory dictionary Ushakova), " intimate and deep feeling, aspiration for another person"(BES).
What is stronger: love or passion? / shutterstock.com
The main difference between passion and love is that passion most often comes immediately. Love is usually preceded by stages of love (or the same passion) and only with time, when the blood stops boiling, and the mind again gets its natural ability to think, we can say that a real feeling begins to form in relationships.
How is love expressed?
They say that a loving (read: already happy) person glows from the inside, which is especially noticeable by the characteristic glitter in his eyes. However, these are more and more definitions for novels and short stories, although, most likely, there is a physiological basis for this.
A loving person is calm and balanced, therefore he does not have such vivid manifestations of external behavior as a person in passion. He who loves smooth movements and speech, harmonious mimicry, calm voice.
Doctors say that love, especially mutual, positively affects the hormonal system of a woman. And this is almost the most important thing in “external” beauty, therefore loving woman improves skin, hair condition, shape, etc. It is more difficult to define a loving man, since nature has already rewarded men with better skin and less susceptibility to everything harmful. However outwardly loving man can be identified by behavior because it is his business card.
How to behave in love
- Able to adequately assess their feelings, behavior and attitude. In the article “to love,” V. Dahl writes that this is “... the preference of someone or something by will, by will.” This means that, despite the fact that love comes from the heart, it does not overshadow the mind with a seething cocktail of emotions, and a person is able to control himself.
- Calm and poise.
- Feels a desire to take care, to protect the object of love.
- Aware of the imperfection of a loved one and is able to consciously accept this fact. At the same time, it’s not about him throwing socks or smacking his lips funny when he eats (it often seems “cute” when he has feelings), but about serious qualities that you couldn’t accept in another person — for example, the desire to constantly argue, etc.
- Shows caution in their actions regarding a loved one in order not to harm or violate his freedom and personal space.
- Can not be offended or forgive.
- He feels the desire to please his beloved and do him well without waiting for the same response behavior.
- Acts (!) On the basis of all the above. Love without action is just an eloquent passion.
Love is chemistry?
Often, hopeless romantics start feeling sad when the “bright and disinterested feeling” is called only a succession of ordinary chemical reactions. In fact, if we proceed from the definition of love that we offered today, it becomes obvious that chemistry is out of the question here.
No one describes in detail the chemical processes taking place in the body when a person loves, only the processes of passion and love are considered in detail. That is, love is not biochemistry, because it does not stand out with particularly vivid emotions. But this does not mean that emotions can not be strong. They just do not have a narcotic effect and do not pass on the breath of the wind.
What is stronger: love or passion? / shutterstock.com
And if, by acting on certain areas of the brain, the effect of passion can be repeated, love such artificial reproduction can not be. Mainly, because love is not only a process, but also a result. This is a consequence of our actions in relation to another person - communication with him, his forgiveness, patience, acceptance, our reaction to his behavior. Such reactions are purely behavioral, they cannot be caused by any chemistry, they come only with time and only with real interaction of two people.
If passion is the desire to possess, then love is the desire to serve, care and protect. Perhaps this is due to the fact that subconsciously loving person thanks his love object just because he is what he is, gave him (even if unconsciously!) the opportunity to experience love. That is, love manifests itself to another person, but it does not depend on his behavior. We enjoy the feeling itself, not the other person. This is what is called unconditional love.
Advice from Passion.ru: If you catch yourself thinking that you have ceased to control your behavior and feelings, and all control has given away passion, then you probably should reconsider your attitude towards your partner and relationships in general. How unconditional is your love? Do you love your partner from the mind or from the heart, do you love for something or just like that? Are you ready to give the same amount of love as now, if this “something” is not?
Love is a feeling: conscious, creative, uneasy, but always filling and giving life forces.
Passion is an emotion: involuntary, uncontrollable, sometimes destructive, but bright and strong, and therefore so desirable.
Love and passion are two opposites, which are based on radically different principles: to give and take. But no one has the right to evaluate these concepts and say what is good and what is bad. After all, in our life it all comes down to one concept. And his name is [ happiness ]().
Of course, love is a wonderful feeling, but with the right “use” passion can make it better - livelier, brighter, hotter - even her! After all, there is no limit to perfection. And the correct, in the end, is exactly the proportion that makes you and your partner happy.
Love SCHEGOLKOVA
Some rush into love, like a pool, with a head, others prefer to choose a life partner among familiar and trusted people. Which approach is more correct?
Marina gave herself a vow many times: no, not kissing on the second and not having sex with the first, to whom she would pull with terrible force. Marina knew: submission to the instincts to good does not bring. The first love of the woman was the bully Dimka from a nearby porch, the subject of the Marinkin girlish suffering. He exhausted his whole soul, and then went to the North, promised to return for Marinka, and so he disappeared. Second love caught up with Marina at work, where she came after graduate school. Yes, to whom? To the courier. Education is one technical school, but muscles! He was able to get into the point with more quotations from books, so he made an impression of a clever self-educated Marina. We started to live together, in the apartment, which Marina got from her grandmother. The new husband saved her salary on a motorcycle, and Marinka shot a cigarette and a beer. I kicked him out, then for a long time I paid the debts for him. Then there were still men, and also of great passion. One was married, the second did not want to marry children, the third ... Then Marina in the hearts gave herself a vow - a serious relationship only after a long friendship. However, no matter how many girl friends there are, she couldn’t choose one; she didn’t want to have sex with them even after champagne.
Statistics
There are many examples where they quickly faded away and never developed into a strong union in love and respect. There are also examples of how spontaneous sex on a first date led to decades of marriage. However, today those couples who have built their relationship based on trust and friendship are more surprising, at first they have been communicating platonic for a long time and only later moving on to more intimate, intimate relationships. Interestingly, such relationships also lasted long and happily, or were torn at one moment, when one of the partners was overwhelmed with a passion for a third person - a man or a woman. So what is more important at the beginning of a relationship: a friendly disposition or a physical attraction?
Getty Images / Fotobank
Theory
According to Robert Sternberg’s Triangular Theory of Love, love consists of three aspects: trust, passion and commitment. If relationships are built only on commitment, excluding trust and passion, such love will be empty. It is the relationship of two roommates who live under the same roof, but with different lives, because of the children or for some other reason. Love-caprice is when only passion, sexual attraction is important. If passion and commitment are involved in a relationship, love will be frivolous, it is the love of people who are not familiar with each other and who do not trust each other. Passion and trust without commitment leads to romantic love, and commitment and trust without passion leads to "sociable" love. And only complete love harmoniously combines all three aspects: passion, and trust, and commitment.
Getty Images / Fotobank
According to the Vedic view, relationships begin with ignorance, with passion or with goodness. If relationships begin with ignorance, there is no harmony and love in them, they are built without knowledge. Relations based on passion, are based on the idea of man that only the heart knows the right way and that it is necessary to be guided by the call of the heart. Relations based on goodness need to be built based not on experience, but on knowledge of what harmonious relationships should be and how to build them. Only a conscious approach to relationships will make them strong and stable.
What to do with passion?
If you do "according to the mind", or, according to the Vedas, in goodness, then you first need to get to know the person closer before. But if so, how to, fail? If you either want a man right away, literally from the first date, or you never want it anymore - he'll be a bit screwed up! So you need to recognize that this is your way of choosing your partner. In the end, the instincts have still not been canceled, and some inner sense that you need to multiply only from this particular man has a basis. Instinctively, a woman chooses a man with more viable genes. No wonder they say that the most beautiful children are born from a strong passion. But if time after time you choose a man who hurts you, it’s not the instincts that are to blame, but the psychological reason that repeatedly attracts just such men to you. In this case, not with a passion at the beginning of a relationship you have to fight, but to understand yourself and correct the factors that cause you to experience the same pain each time. When harmony is established in your soul and in your life, then a man will appear, to whom you will not only experience passion, but also be able to trust and plan long-term serious relationships.
Recently, it has become increasingly clear that the relationship of partners is far from being studied as it may seem. For example, women's sexual desire for a long time went completely unnoticed. Nevertheless, it is now clear - many couples have serious problems. Women who have long been in a relationship complain that something is missing. Most often it turns out that passion is lost. This does not mean that love is gone. Simply, the attraction begins to weaken in the very first years of relations with the same partner.
This applies to monogamous links. Modern family psychologists already understand that to correct a situation, trust in relationships and normal communication are not enough. Emotional intimacy can guarantee a sense of calm, but it also muffles the flame of passion. At the same time, a healthy relationship should be different balance of passion and stability. So how do you create a stable and secure relationship while maintaining passion? How to be a family, with children or without, but still remain lovers? Scientists have found that women who do not live with their partners retain much more attraction. Maybe this is a hint. Separate accommodation really helps some couples. However, most of this will not work. Drinking pills that strengthen the libido is also not an option. Psychologists have paid attention to the cultural perception of women's passion - this allows you to shed light on the delicate balance in relationships. If you are trying to find your key to passion and are trying to strengthen stability, you will need practical advicehelping to feel passion.
Try new activities and hobbies together
If you have children, you should use the babysitting service once a week. Try to get out somewhere together - this should be some new occupation for you. If you experience vivid emotions together, your passion can flare up with a new force. This method perfectly strengthens the marriage.
Give up cute nicknames
Try to stop using domestic nicknames that turn your lover into something cute, for example, a kitten, baby, or a teddy bear. You should not forget how sexy and attractive your partner is.
Kiss more often
You and your partner should exchange kisses on the lips more often, not only during sex, but just during the day. It helps to strengthen the attachment.
Do not use the bathroom together.
If you have the opportunity, use different bathrooms. If you have only one, try not to attend at the same time, for example, when brushing your teeth. It is necessary to confine only joint baths with candles or a shower. This is not just appropriate, it is very good.
Get separate cabinets
Try to dress separately, in different rooms. The same applies to undressing, if, of course, you do not want to arrange a striptease for your partner. This will help you return to the relationship a sense of secrecy and secrecy.
Plan dates
For example, you can arrange to meet at a restaurant or other place for a date. Do not go there together. You did this at the beginning of a relationship, when you still had a lot of emotions, but now this method may not be suitable.
Hire a housekeeper
If finances allow you, hire a housekeeper. Then you can spend a Sunday day together in bed, and not argue about who should vacuum in the living room.
Maintain healthy boundaries
You should keep at a normal distance from relatives and acquaintances. You may well have a warm relationship with them, but not so close that you feel like a brother and sister from one large family, and not a husband and wife.
Do not spend all the time together
Try not to sit together all evenings in a row. Get out of the house, give each other a private space. Distance can seriously enhance passion.
Remember the past
Think about the efforts you have made to be happier together at the beginning of your relationship. In addition, you probably carefully looked after themselves and tried to look as attractive as possible. So is it worth it now to go into worn pajamas, even if it is very comfortable? This is not very attractive, so try to avoid this.
Forget about making love
Sometimes try to forget about tenderness - have sex. Scrape each other's backs, pull the hair. Share your fantasies. Try for an hour or two to forget about the everyday hustle and bustle in the kitchen, bills and children's meals, get a little wild. It will excite and fill you with passion, as before.
Go on vacation without children
If you have children, try at least a couple of days to go somewhere without them. Meet the new city, put provocative underwear on the beach, try the local wine, sleep in a new bed, arrange an adventure for yourself! This will greatly refresh your feelings and give you an unforgettable experience!
