Why do men hide their feelings and are afraid to talk about them? Emotional secrecy
We all know that women are much more emotional and frank than men. Well, what can you do, they have such a character. And no matter how we try to fight this, we arrange scandals and go out to frank conversations. All to no avail. They are silent.
Today we will tell you why a man is so afraid to confess his feelings to you.
1. Stiffness.
They do not consider it necessary to constantly talk about their feelings, unlike girls. They believe that one confession is enough. As you can sometimes jokingly hear: "if something changes, I will inform you."
But we are different - we constantly need to hear “I love you”, without these words we begin to feel out of place, it begins to seem to us that they have stopped loving us, that feelings are fading away.
Do not bore your man with a request to talk about his feelings, you can achieve the opposite effect - he will be even more silent and constrained to spite you. Such a "battle" can lead to disintegration.
2. Fear.
Some guys are just afraid to talk about their feelings. After all, a man, in the minds of society. Should be brutal and tough, and talking about feelings is not at all masculine. He is afraid of being ridiculed by friends, who may find this behavior too sensitive and will mimic him.
Really bad. When a man depends on the opinions of the people around him. In this case, there is a danger of being abandoned just because someone from his social circle did not like you. Such a man is weak and weak-willed, so you should not be particularly upset about parting with such a person.
If you invite a young person to talk “about our feelings,” then reassure him that it is okay to talk openly about feelings and that his feelings are well founded.
3. Unpleasant experience of past relationships.
It's another matter if a man does not tell you about feelings, considering it a weakness in the eyes of a girl. This may be due to an unpleasant experience of past relationships that killed his trust in the female sex. For example, he confessed his feelings to a girl, and she, taking advantage of his feelings, broke his heart. Or, after the confession, she called him a weakling.
In this case, you should show by all your actions that he can fully rely on you, that you are reliable. Be honest with him and do what you say.
Of course, it's not a fact that after all this, he will immediately reveal his feelings to you and will constantly repeat about his love. It takes time for him to move away from past unpleasant experiences and open up to new feelings.
4. Education.
There are families in which it is not customary to express their emotions. If a child has never heard his parents openly talk about their feelings for each other, then you will hardly wait for the words “I love you” from him. Perhaps your man is from such a family.
If this is your situation, then you should explain to him how important it is to speak openly about your feelings and not restrain your emotions. And be an example for him to talk about your feelings, about your positive emotions and impressions.
Over time, you will notice that your boyfriend begins to abandon the old model of behavior and get used to the new one.
It doesn't matter what the reason is that led to the fact that your man does not tell you about his feelings. If you know that he loves you, then just be patient, persuade him and prove your love to him by word and deed.
Those who definitely have no problem expressing their feelings are young children. Unfortunately, as they get older, many people lose the ability to express their emotions, suppress them, mistakenly believing that they are doing it better for themselves and those around them. But unexpressed feelings do not go anywhere, they accumulate inside, which can lead to nervous tension. This article will help you learn how to express your feelings, both positive and negative.
Why Express Your Feelings?
First, the ability to express your feelings increases self-confidence, helps to get out of conflict situations with the lowest losses.
Second, in order to build lasting and lasting relationships with people, you need to be able to express both positive and negative emotions. If you do not do this, the negativity that has accumulated to a critical mass will result in an open conflict, which is much more difficult to cope with. And expressing positive feelings helps to strengthen the relationship, to show your partner or friend how much you value him.
Thirdly, the suppression of emotions leads to anxiety, deterioration of health.
Everyone can learn to express their feelings, if there is a desire.
How to do this in the article
A QUESTION TO PSYCHOLOGISTS
Asks: Olya (2013-10-01 02:06:45)
Hello, I am very worried about the question of why I cannot speak words of love to people close to me. My boyfriend speaks several times a day that he loves me, and in return I can only squeeze out that I, too. And to fully say "I love you" is obtained only in writing, by SMS ... I love him, but every time I want to say about it, some kind of barrier interferes with me. Of my young man it really hurts that I keep quiet about my feelings ...
ANSWERS FROM PSYCHOLOGISTS
Hello Olya!
Do you love yourself? Try saying to yourself "I love you" in front of the mirror.
You need to take care of yourself, your own self-esteem. Or maybe you just don’t love him?
Sincerely
Chvalun Evgeny Viktorovich, psychologist Ryazan
Hello Olya.
Thanks for your question. This is such interesting story, when there are feelings, but something interferes with saying about them.
I dare to assume that when you were little, you rarely heard words of love from your parents. Well, you know, those words that come from the soul, which are accompanied by a sparkle in the eyes, an unobtrusive kiss and which are emotionally warm and sincere. I suppose that your mother did not often indulge you with her "I love you, daughter!". Hence your stopper. Well, a person cannot give more than he has or what he received. And, if this is so, then in your case you can try to just train to say it, and you can also go through a course of good psychotherapy, where you will get everything from an emotionally warm specialist from your parents and then emotions will flow to your beloved by themselves.
I wish you a lot of love and tenderness in your life.
Best regards, Alena Shikova.
Shikova Alena Sergeevna, psychologist Novosibirsk
Hello, Olya. Unfortunately, you were not taught to express feelings in your parental family. Probably, warm feelings were not expressed towards you. early childhood You wanted to hear them, they did not give them to you, and you were disappointed. Because they could tell you. To love you, you must help your mother, and you are a shameless girl. That is, now to express love in words means that you believe, that you will be shamed for your badness and will not reciprocate. To say-I love you too means to feel good and trust that you are loved as good. But YOU are not sure that you are really good. In order not to get hurt, you you hide the fear of hearing that you are also loved. When your man talks about love, you are not responsible for his feelings, in this version you are calmer. As you, as it were, do not guarantee anything. Exit is to increase your self-esteem. Being confident, that you are good, you will easily talk about your love for him and ask for a response.
Karataev Vladimir Ivanovich, psychologist Volgograd
We all take our first love very seriously in adolescence and then remember it throughout our lives. There is nothing in our feelings that we could be ashamed of, although not everyone thinks so. Why is it so difficult for some of us to confess our feelings to another person? Why are we afraid to say what we are experiencing? Perhaps this is because we are afraid of being rejected. Let's try to figure out why most of us are afraid of words about love and it is easier for us to hide our feelings behind coldness and inaccessibility.
When we say to a person “I love you,” we unconsciously deprive ourselves of freedom and assume certain responsibilities that, perhaps, frighten us. We are also afraid of changes, as we are accustomed to the established way of life. We worry that, taking responsibility, then we will not cope with it. We are intimidated by the unknown, because we cannot know how such changes will affect our lives. Before we said these cherished words, we are free people, and as soon as we said, we doomed ourselves to a relationship. Trusting a person, we are afraid to get used to it and are even more worried about how we would not have our hearts broken and abandoned as unnecessary. Because after such events it will be even harder to rehabilitate. That is, we kind of look at the situation in advance. Thus, the trend of falling in love can be traced. In youth, having not yet experienced disappointments in love, we unconditionally and blindly fall in love, trust, and easily accept new relationships. In adulthood, falling in love, and even more so admitting it, is much more difficult. Experience affects life years and past relationships. We are afraid that our loved one will be disappointed in us. With us, there is a constant fear of destruction of the fragile relationship of love. Some of us may be hindered by pride in confessing our love. Or maybe we do not make loud confessions, because we ourselves are not sure whether the person is next to us, whether we really love him. People are afraid to miss something better in their life, having a constant, and when they miss this, they understand that this was the best. The great and wise Boccaccio once said: "It is better to do and repent than not to do and repent." And he was certainly right. After all, it is better to tell the person about your feelings and find out what he thinks about it. Perhaps you have a mutual affection. And if not, then at least you will stop tormenting yourself with doubts.
Having received a positive answer from your chosen one, do not forget that love is not just words. It needs to be constantly proven. It should be manifested in daily attention, affection, tenderness and care. Therefore, let your love for a person be expressed by actions.
Talk about your feelings, show them, don't be shy. Perhaps this is your significant other, with whom you will have a long and harmonious relationship. Who knows, maybe for life.
The material was prepared on the basis of open sources.
