Psychological reception ignoring. Cold War - ignoring




Date Added: 2013-12-04

About education. Method - Ignore those. punishment by silence. Article 6

Quite often, parents and professionals working with children face child aggression. And it is clear that when a child grows up in an unfavorable social environment, then it translates what he sees and feels in this environment. However, in a wealthy family, such a phenomenon is not uncommon.

What is the reason that triggers the mechanism of aggressive behavior of the child?

One very likely reason could be   method of raising a child as a game.

So what if I am silent and deliberately do not pay attention to the guilty or naughty child? ”- the parents shrug their shoulders in surprise.
  “And this is better than shouting or punishing a child!” Many caring parents say.

However, it is actually   parents in the latent form show aggression to the child.   And it is not surprising that in return they receive the same thing.

Of course, covert   traditional ignoring   a child is not that other more aggressive methods, such as shouting, slapping, punishment such as angle and belt are absent in everyday situations, but that many caring parents are considered less aggressive and therefore not harmful to the child’s health. But, unfortunately, ignoring the child’s parents has a very strong effect, because it causes fear in him.

What do parents transmit to the child, ignoring, ostensibly without noticing it?

First of all,   the child “translates” from an adult to his child’s language as follows: “I am rejected, and I need to be accepted into the family. How can I live alone? ”And besides, one of the basic needs of a person is the need to be a member of a group, be it a family, a circle, a class.

Secondly, ignoring the child, the parents show by their appearance that the child is SUCH bad, that you don’t even want to communicate with him. And communication for a person is one of the basic needs, and is it worth talking about the phenomenon of Mowgli children deprived of human communication? Could they develop fully without human communication?

Thirdly,   the parent in this case demonstrates his “parental goodness”, because he does not swear, does not beat, does not punish the child physically. A parent is good because he is holding back his emotions, does not manifest them openly, however, you will agree that somewhere inside him negative feelings, for example, anger, anger, resentment exist. Is it good for health to restrain these negative feelings?

What really happens?   Ignoring the child, the parent lifts itself up, as it were, of the good over the bad child, and therefore the bad child will suffer from unspokenness, suffering alone. How many? And here are possible options. Or until the child asks for forgiveness. Or until the parents come down from the heights of their "goodness" and do not forgive the child. For what? And do the parents say to the child, silently, with what they are not happy ?! And really, does the child know why his parents ignore him?

And what is the cunning of this method of education?

Ignoring in itself really comes to many parents from their parents, so to speak, by inheritance, as the transfer of a family tradition. And the cunning of ignoring is not even in the fact that it is essentially a lack of reaction to another person, but is a manipulation and therefore gives rise to a strong emotional dependence in a child. And what's so good about that?

And how does this work?   The child feels rejected by the most important and dear people - his parents, and this hardening gives rise to a feeling of fear in him, and at the deepest level. But tell me, how can a small child survive if the family rejects him? And how can he survive alone on the street, that is, when he no longer cares about him = his parents stop loving?

And parents, without going into subtleties, not realizing what happens when they ignore a child, in fact, calmly manipulate his fears. And it is possible that parents understand that they will never give up their child. However, the child’s creeps in fear of abandoning rejected by mom and dad, or grandmother and grandfather.

And this thought alone causes a child to panic, and such a child, faced with ignoring the parents, will do anything, so that it is not ignored. And what personality do you think parents will form?

And gradually experienced fears of being rejected leads to the fact that the child depends on the emotional mood of the parents, he seems to merge with them. And what's wrong with that? If this can be called a nuisance, then it is that the parents themselves teach their child passive aggression, because parents strictly prohibit active aggression.

And what remains for the child?   The child learns to catch the slightest fluctuations in the mood of the parents, learns to adapt to the parents, learns what to do for the parents while renouncing their desires in favor of the parents, because IS AFRAID that manifestation of their feelings and desires will cause rejection and IGNORATION- PUNISHMENT WITH SILENCE.

Can a small child resist ignoring their parents?

In early childhood, most likely not, because a child without parents will not be able to survive and therefore he adapts to them.

Although, it is more and more possible to meet hysterical, capricious children who skillfully manipulate both peers and adults, because STILL hope to avoid punishment by silence, that is, ignoring, but having matured, the child openly protests and shows aggressive forms of behavior.

And what good is it that parents ignore a child?

Parents who reject, i.e. those who ignore their child take away the present from him, because the child begins to live in the past or future, that is, he is divorced from real reality.

How else? Imagine a child to whom parents show their displeasure ... Parents take away peace and confidence in such a child that they love him and the outcast child constantly returns to the past, regrets and suffers, recalls what he did in the past, for which he is ignored .

Or the second option - the child imagines in his fantasies how everything has been adjusted and the parents cease to be silent, sulk and take offense at him, and they still enjoy life, play .. And in addition to everything, the parents ignore the child and deprive him of the fact that the child - good and beloved, that is, they form feelings of insecurity in the child, which in turn leads to low self-esteem. And this is the good that ignoring leads to?

How to fix similar parental errors?

First, it is important for parents to learn to express YOUR feelings correctly.

We are all angry, offended, angry, angry when, let's say at work, something goes wrong and we say something to someone, that is, we express our feelings. And what prevents to express feelings to your child?

And this way of frank dialogue is much more useful for a child than a veiled, hidden aggression that a child feels is a hundred times stronger.

And therefore   parents can advancepick up such clear words that will help both them and the child understand what they are not happy with. For example: “You know, I am angry with you now and therefore I cannot talk to you. I need 5-10 minutes to calm down, and later we'll talk with you ... "

And with such a frank and specific explanation, the child begins to understand that he did something wrong, did something that you were angry with, that you were upset or angry, but you still love him. And once in a while, the child will more and more understand that those around him react with AGGRESSION OR NEGATIVE FEELING TO HIS NEGATIVE ACT, and the child will begin to understand that the CAM is launching subsequent events with its actions.

It is very sad to admit that in recent years many psychologically traumatized children have appeared, because because punishment by demonstrative disregard causes the child to heartache and in fact is a strong stress for the child. And you probably know that many diseases originate in stress.

And it is likely that   the rule   “Any designated action is more easily tolerated, and is not perceived by the child as a punishment by rejection, i.e. Disregard ”will help parents to establish and positively develop friendly relations with their child.

What phrases can help parents convey mark action?

Now I need to be alone, so do not bother me ... 10 minutes.
  - Now I need to calm down, and when I calm down, we'll talk with you ..
  -I'm tired today and so I can not listen to you carefully, let's transfer the conversation (for later, for tomorrow)

Secondly,   probably one of the most accessible simple and natural ways to express your feelings is send the child the thought “I love you” or directly say: “I love you   (I love you!), But I don't like it, I hate it, your behavior is angry with me.

Unfortunately, parents are not taught how to separate their feelings from their behavior and how to separate the feelings of a child from his behavior and therefore there are many unpleasant life situations that do not bring anything good.

What is useful for parents to realize?

CHILD REALLY FORM PARENTS 'EXPOSURE.

When performing actions, parents sometimes do not realize what consequences this will lead to. And complaints about bad behavior or aggressive defiant behavior are not really the fault of the child, but simply the inept manifestation of parental influence on the child. And the responsibility in this case lies with the parents, is not it?

And nevertheless, what does the parents start the desire to ignore the child?

Probably emotional and psychological immaturity.

To be continued…

Like this article?

It is not easy to ignore people who upset or upset you greatly. It can be even more difficult if you have to meet or interact with them regularly at school, at work or with your family. Learn to distance yourself from such negative people and replace them with positive personalities that will contribute to your happiness and well-being.

Steps

Part 1

Learn to keep your distance.

    Do not visit places where you can meet such people.   The easiest way to ignore a person is to avoid meeting him. To reduce the likelihood of meeting, it is enough to avoid places where you often spent time together or where this person is often.

    • Attend new restaurants, bars and cafes. Choose places that are in other parts of the city, away from the usual place of stay of such a person.
    • Go to stores that are away from the house of this person (if you know where he lives).
    • If you are invited by a mutual friend, then ask whether the person you are trying to avoid will be at the meeting. After that, make a decision.
  1. Limit the interaction.   Limiting contact is a great way to ignore a person, without necessarily removing him from your life. Breaking all ties is very difficult, especially if you are somehow connected or working together. If you stop seeing a person regularly, you will immediately feel better.

    • Reduce conversations and interactions as much as possible, as well as the frequency of your meetings, always responding briefly and non-emotionally. For example, it might look like this: “I'm fine. I need to work".
    • Resist the urge to say something evil or offensive so as not to aggravate the situation.
    • By limiting contact and dispensing with unwanted interactions with an undesirable person, you can actually break ties with him without closing the door to polite social interaction in the future.
  2. Stop the attempts of such a person to start a conversation. If you work together, have common friends, or simply cross each other, then you need to be able to resist attempts to get you involved in the conversation. Ignore the person trying to talk to you.

    • Try to ignore what you said and resist the urge to respond.
    • Being in a situation where you definitely need to say something, you can express your own thoughts / feelings on a topic that is absolutely not related to what was said by this person.
    • Directly ignoring what was said or speaking about your own interests, as if you did not hear this person, you report that you are not interested in the conversation.
  3. Take a mediator with you if the conversation cannot be avoided.   Knowing that you can’t hide from such a person at work or at a social event, take a true friend with you. It will become a kind of buffer between you and the unwanted person, while remaining polite. Also, he will be able to direct the conversation to a neutral channel if an unpleasant person tries to hurt you in any way.

    • Explain to a friend what you expect from him. Make sure that he is not against such a role and that he is not offended or feels used.
    • Come up with a non-speech signal, by which you can apologize together and tell everyone that you need to leave immediately.
  4. Be polite to people whose contacts you cannot avoid.   If you can not avoid meeting with some people, you can always behave with them as politely as possible. Sometimes a good attitude can overcome negative behavior in the people you are trying to avoid.

    • Resist the desire to behave rudely with people that you do not like.
    • Be strong and confident. Think about your positive qualities and remember that you are a worthy person who deserves happiness.
    • Do not let negative people spoil your mood with your negative. Be higher than this by not participating in such games.
    • If you want to be rude, say something polite, and then apologize and leave. For example, you can say "You have a great presentation. I apologize, I will go and get myself some coffee."
  5. Stay strong and calm.   If the society of a certain person is unpleasant to you, then with a high degree of probability it is not a good person. Such people usually try (consciously or unknowingly) to annoy you. They may call you a fool for trying to do something or belittle your hopes and dreams. When you dare to avoid such a person, you must remain strong and not be allowed to influence you.

    • Even without feeling strong and protected person, it is important to maintain faith in their own strength. So you can create a buffer zone between yourself and negative people.
    • Do not allow other people's negative words or actions to influence your perception of yourself or your life. Using positive statements and internal dialogue, you can defeat negative thoughts provoked by another person.
    • Remember that you are a good person and you are dear to your loved ones. This means that you have positive qualities that a negative person simply does not want to see.

Part 2

Stop electronic communication
  1. Block the phone number of an unwanted person.   If you want to stop communicating with an unpleasant person, you can block his contact so that he cannot call you or write messages. This is not necessary if such a person does not bother you on the phone, but it definitely will not hurt.

    Stop communicating in social networks.   Even when you successfully avoid personal contact with a person, he can contact you through social networks. If you are on the list of friends or are subscribed to a person on social networks, he will always be aware of your affairs or location, as well as be able to send you threatening or offensive messages.

    • If you are in the list of friends or are subscribed to each other in social networks, you can leave friends or unsubscribe. You can also block a person so that he cannot see your records and contact you.
    • If you are not in the list of friends and are not subscribed to each other on social networks, or have already left friends, change the privacy settings so that only friends can see your entries.
  2. Filter emails.   If such a person has your email address, then you may fear from aggressive or unpleasant emails on his part. To prevent this, you can block emails from this person or filter all messages from him (depending on the mail server you are using).

Part 3

Maintain cheerfulness
  1. Learn to identify the details that upset you.   Sometimes there is no escaping the company of negative people. These can be your colleagues, relatives or neighbors who occasionally have to see or even communicate with them. In such cases, it is important to understand what details upset you in order to avoid such irritants.

    • Make a list of people, places and things that can upset you, annoy or annoy you.
    • Understand why these people, places, or things provoke a negative reaction.
    • Think about how these irritants can manifest in everyday life, and then create a plan to prevent or minimize such situations.
  2. Learn not to complain about people you dislike.   Even if it seems to you that it saves you from a sense of hopelessness, such actions can lead to the fact that you generally move away from other people. It can be friends of unpleasant personalities to you, or people will simply get tired of the fact that you constantly react badly about others. If you constantly complain about a person, then friends and colleagues with whom you spend time may want to move away from you.

    • Instead of complaining about an unpleasant person, you better agree not to discuss it in your conversations with other people.
    • Talk about things you enjoy. Otherwise, someone unpleasant to you will eat too much of your time and energy.
  3. Bear responsibility for your words and actions.   By blaming others for your own negative words and actions, you give them power over themselves and even lose self-control. It doesn't matter how much the other person upsets you, it is you who decide to get angry and go out of yourself, or just let go of the situation. Your words and actions, even caused by the attitude of another person, are your own choice and responsibility.

    • Your words and actions do not exist in a vacuum. You can not blame others for what you said or did, even if you were upset by a person with whom you do not want to communicate.
    • Try to change your thoughts about this person. Thoughts determine your words and actions, so identifying and containing negative thoughts will allow you not to betray them so much.
    • Having learned to ignore the person who is upsetting you, stop thinking about him. Stop wasting your time and energy thinking about a person who is unpleasant to you.

Part 4

Fill your life with positive people
  1. Identify and show your best qualities.   Positive people usually attract each other. If you want to fill your life with positive people, it is important to show them that you are also a positive person. You will be able to subtly cope with this when you learn to control and show your best qualities.

    • Think about what makes you a positive person? Are you kind to people or do you show kindness in other ways?
    • Make a conscious effort to manifest your good qualities more often. Not just to get noticed, but to form your own positive lifestyle.
    • When it comes to your character and lifestyle, your actions should speak for you.
  2. Learn to find positive people among your friends.   Surely you are already familiar with very strong and positive personalities. Moving away from unpleasant people, it is important to replace them with those with whom you enjoy talking. Remain a positive person, always take care of your loved ones, as they become good friends and encourage you to improve yourself.

    • Think of friends, relatives and co-workers who are in a positive mood in any situation. Also, do not forget about the people who show you the most kindness, attention and compassion.
    • Reach out to such people. Try to spend more time with them and invite them to all social events to see each other as often as possible.
  3. Meet and spend time with new positive people.   In addition to existing friends, you can actively search for new friends. Finding new positive and compassionate people, you will even more firmly cement your social circle, filling it with good friends. So you yourself can become a good and desirable friend for others.

    • You can meet new people in the gym, church, sports club (like the travelers club) and other places that are visited by positive people.
    • Become a volunteer. If you do good to others for free, then you will feel great and be able to meet people who are focused on a good cause (they are always benevolent and compassionate).
    • Even a short conversation over a cup of coffee or breakfast will improve your mood.
    • Take the initiative. If the people with whom you enjoy your time are often busy, then stay in touch with them and plan your time so that the meeting is convenient for both of you.
  • If you meet an unpleasant person in the store, you can pretend that you did not notice him. Slow down, stop, or turn to the side. If you turn to, we can say that you are in a hurry. If the above options did not work, then just keep calm.
  • Having a social relationship does not mean that you must come to terms with negative behavior. If you feel uncomfortable or embarrassing in a person’s society, then you have every right to politely and respectfully stop communicating.
  • Do not be rude or ignorant. This does not correct the past, but you yourself may well turn into a bad person.

Warnings

  • If you really decide to ignore a person for a long time, then be prepared that you will never talk to each other again.
  • At some point, you may decide that you want to communicate with someone you ignored in an attempt to settle differences. It is important to understand that this is not always possible or reasonable. However, if you are forced to regularly see a person (relative or colleague), you cannot do without communication.
  • If such a person is a partner or spouse who mistreats you, then your attempts to ignore will only make them angry and worsen the situation. Ask for help to experts, to quickly solve the problem!

Can not be relationship without conflict. Even the most harmonious union involves the emergence of certain acute situations. However, you can quarrel in different ways. Someone vigorously expresses his indignation and discontent with shouting and smashing dishes, someone chooses the path of dialogue and persuasion of a partner, and someone begins to play "silent".

When to be silent is useful?

Often long silence after a quarrel   hurts relationships. But this does not apply to a period of too emotional showdown. At the peak of the conflict, it is sometimes better to stop and just shut up. This, firstly, will help not to talk too much in a temper, and secondly, it will give the opportunity to rethink everything already said. The ability to remain silent in time is a guarantee of strong and durable relations of partners.

For a start, a little about “ignoring”, as a way of education, about ignoring in a relationship with a child. Ignoring, ie, punishment by silence:

Quite often, parents and professionals working with children face child aggression. And it is clear that when a child grows up in an unfavorable social environment, then it translates what he sees and feels in this environment. However, in a wealthy family, such a phenomenon is not uncommon.

What is the reason that triggers the mechanism of aggressive behavior of the child?

One very likely reason could be   method of raising a child as a game.

So what if I am silent and deliberately do not pay attention to the guilty or naughty child? ”- the parents shrug their shoulders in surprise.
  “And this is better than shouting or punishing a child!” Many caring parents say.

However, it is actually parents in the latent form show aggression to the child.And it is not surprising that in return they receive the same thing.

Of course, covert traditional ignoringa child is not that other more aggressive methods, such as shouting, slapping, punishment such as angle and belt are absent in everyday situations, but that many caring parents are considered less aggressive and therefore not harmful to the child’s health. But, unfortunately, ignoring the child’s parents has a very strong effect, because it causes fear in him.

What do parents transmit to the child, ignoring, ostensibly without noticing it?

First of all,the child “translates” from an adult to his child’s language as follows: “I am rejected, and I need to be accepted into the family. How can I live alone? ”And besides, one of the basic needs of a person is the need to be a member of a group, be it a family, a circle, a class.

Secondly,ignoring the child, the parents show by their appearance that the child is SUCH bad, that you don’t even want to communicate with him. And communication for a person is one of the basic needs, and is it worth talking about the phenomenon of Mowgli children deprived of human communication? Could they develop fully without human communication?

Thirdly,the parent in this case demonstrates his “parental goodness”, because he does not swear, does not beat, does not punish the child physically. A parent is good because he is holding back his emotions, does not manifest them openly, however, you will agree that somewhere inside him negative feelings, for example, anger, anger, resentment exist. Is it good for health to restrain these negative feelings?

What really happens?   Ignoring the child, the parent lifts itself up, as it were, of the good over the bad child, and therefore the bad child will suffer from unspokenness, suffering alone. How many? And here are possible options. Or until the child asks for forgiveness. Or until the parents come down from the heights of their "goodness" and do not forgive the child. For what? And do the parents say to the child, silently, with what they are not happy ?! And really, does the child know why his parents ignore him?

And what is the cunning of this method of education?

Ignoring in itself really comes to many parents from their parents, so to speak, by inheritance, as the transfer of a family tradition. And the cunning of ignoring is not even in the fact that it is essentially a lack of reaction to another person, but is a manipulation and therefore gives rise to a strong emotional dependence in a child. And what's so good about that?

And how does this work?The child feels rejected by the most important and dear people - his parents, and this hardening gives rise to a feeling of fear in him, and at the deepest level. But tell me, how can a small child survive if the family rejects him? And how can he survive alone on the street, that is, when he no longer cares about him = his parents stop loving?

And parents, without going into subtleties, not realizing what happens when they ignore a child, in fact, calmly manipulate his fears. And it is possible that parents understand that they will never give up their child. However, the child’s creeps in fear of abandoning rejected by mom and dad, or grandmother and grandfather.

And this thought alone causes a child to panic, and such a child, faced with ignoring the parents, will do anything, so that it is not ignored. And what personality do you think parents will form?

And gradually experienced fears of being rejected leads to the fact that the child depends on the emotional mood of the parents, he seems to merge with them. And what's wrong with that? If this can be called a nuisance, then it is that the parents themselves teach their child passive aggression, because parents strictly prohibit active aggression.

And what remains for the child?The child learns to catch the slightest fluctuations in the mood of the parents, learns to adapt to the parents, learns what to do for the parents while renouncing their desires in favor of the parents, because IS AFRAID that the manifestation of their feelings and desires will cause rejection and IGNORATION- PUNISHMENT WITH SILENCE.

Can a small child resist ignoring their parents?

In early childhood, most likely not, because a child without parents will not be able to survive and therefore he adapts to them.

Although, it is more and more possible to meet hysterical, capricious children who skillfully manipulate both peers and adults, because STILL hope to avoid punishment by silence, that is, ignoring, but having matured, the child openly protests and shows aggressive forms of behavior.

And what good is it that parents ignore a child?

Parents who reject, i.e. those who ignore their child take away the present from him, because the child begins to live in the past or future, that is, he is divorced from real reality.

How else? Imagine a child to whom parents show their displeasure ... Parents take away peace and confidence in such a child that they love him and the outcast child constantly returns to the past, regrets and suffers, recalls what he did in the past, for which he is ignored .

Or the second option - in his fantasies, the child imagines how everything has been adjusted and the parents cease to be silent, sulk and take offense at him, and they still enjoy life, play .. And in addition, ignoring the child ignoring the child, in addition, deprive him of the fact that the child - good and beloved, that is, they form feelings of insecurity in the child, which in turn leads to low self-esteem. And this is the good that ignoring leads to?

How to fix similar parental errors?

First, it is important for parents to learn to express YOUR feelings correctly.

We are all angry, offended, angry, angry when, let's say at work, something goes wrong and we say something to someone, that is, we express our feelings. And what prevents to express feelings to your child?

And this way of frank dialogue is much more useful for a child than a veiled, hidden aggression that a child feels is a hundred times stronger.

And therefore   parents can advancepick up such clear words that will help both them and the child understand what they are not happy with. For example: “You know, I am angry with you now and therefore I cannot talk to you. I need 5-10 minutes to calm down, and later we'll talk with you ... "

And with such a frank and specific explanation, the child begins to understand that he did something wrong, did something that you were angry with, that you were upset or angry, but you still love him. And once in a while, the child will more and more understand that those around him react with AGGRESSION OR NEGATIVE FEELING TO HIS NEGATIVE ACT, and the child will begin to understand that the CAM is launching subsequent events with its actions.

It is very sad to admit that in recent years many psychologically traumatized children have appeared, because because punishment by demonstrative disregard causes the child to heartache and in fact is a strong stress for the child. And you probably know that many diseases originate in stress.

And it is likely that   the rule   “Any designated action is more easily tolerated, and is not perceived by the child as a punishment by rejection, i.e. Disregard ”will help parents to establish and positively develop friendly relations with their child.

What phrases can help parents convey mark action?

Now I need to be alone, so do not bother me ... 10 minutes.
  - Now I need to calm down, and when I calm down, we'll talk with you ..
  -I'm tired today and so I can not listen to you carefully, let's transfer the conversation (for later, for tomorrow)

Secondly,probably one of the most accessible simple and natural ways to express your feelings -   this send the child the thought “I love you” or directly say: “I love you   (I love you!), But I don't like it, I hate it, your behavior is angry with me.

Unfortunately, parents are not taught how to separate their feelings from their behavior and how to separate the feelings of a child from his behavior and therefore there are many unpleasant life situations that do not bring anything good.

What is useful for parents to realize?

CHILD REALLY FORM PARENTS 'EXPOSURE.

When performing actions, parents sometimes do not realize what consequences this will lead to. And complaints about bad behavior or aggressive defiant behavior are not really the fault of the child, but simply the inept manifestation of parental influence on the child. And the responsibility in this case lies with the parents, is not it?

And still, what does a parent want to ignore a child?   Probably emotional and psychological immaturity.

So, back to the relationship of partners - Punishment by silence

It is quite another thing when one spouse announces another boycott. It is easy to leave, pointedly slamming the door, then it is much more difficult to return to a constructive dialogue of trust. By themselves, such problems are practically not resolved, and communication after the "silent" as if nothing had happened, often implies the concealment and accumulation of resentment from one of the partners. Sooner or later, this stream of negativity will still spill over into another quarrel. Recalling old offenses in this case can cause the effect of a bombshell and may even lead to separation.

One more underwater stone of silence   after a quarrel is isolation in itself. Ignoring does not express pain from resentment. Often, the second half does not even understand how hard it is for one who is silent. Such behavior causes only bewilderment and irritation. Few people like to stumble upon a wall of silence.

Without finding out the cause of the conflict, the boycotted partner may lie next time to avoid a quarrel, and a lie is not the best companion of a strong relationship.

Silence after quarrel may last for several hours or several days. There are cases where spouses do not speak for months. Trying to teach a lesson and hurt his second half in this way, the “silence” only aggravates the situation. Prolonged silence can have very sad consequences, when one cannot do without the help of a specialist. Professional help of a psychologist in a relationship does not hurt couples in which one of the partners too often uses this tactic-manipulation.

Accumulating anger and swallowing resentment kill love and trust in a relationship. That is why most often psychologists recommend not to postpone the resolution of the conflict the next day. Our ancestors also knew that being in a quarrel, spouses should not go to bed.

Best conflict resolution   - dialogue. Yes, sometimes it’s hard to just start talking, but it’s necessary. Experts recommend a creative approach to solving the problem: by SMS or a note on the refrigerator, sending an apology by email or with a bunch of flowers.

It should also be borne in mind that men and women perceive conflicts differently due to their psychological characteristics. If a woman takes the first step towards reconciliation, the man is almost always ready to apologize right away and forget about everything.

Relations   - this is not only romance, but also difficult gray days. It is important not only to talk with each other, but also to hear. If the partners are dear to each other, they will always be able to resolve the exciting issue peacefully, without resorting to such tactics-manipulations as ignoring. As soon as one of the partners begins to be silent - the relationship is destroyed. Only the willingness to listen without accusing, to take the first step, to make concessions, will save love, mutual respect and trust.

Sometimes it is useful to quarrel, and knowing how to do it correctly, you can not only get to know each other better, but also strengthen your relationship.

What is ignoring?

First I want to talk about my attitude to ignoring. More than anything, I do not like being ignored. Ignore   - this is the type when you are not put in anything, they are considered to be nobody. You feel like a dummy in such a team. And if you are now in such a team, then you are not very lucky.

Anyone wants to feel important and necessary. So who does not like to feel so? I once had when I got into such a group where I felt invisible. And all attempts to establish contact failed, before it even began. This situation arose when I graduated from school and entered the university. I do not know why, but the relationship with the team did not work out. I was ignored for a very long time, and it was unpleasant for me.

This usually occurs when people have different interests and world views. If you start talking to a person who is not interested in what you are interested in, then the conversation will not start. You will simply walk alongside and feel uncomfortable with silence. The next time you just try to avoid meeting with this person. This is ignoring, that is, when a person tries in every way not to make contact with another person for certain reasons.

What does it mean to ignore?

Ignoring is one of the oldest forms of emotional abuse.   Ignoring is intentional and unintentional. Inadvertent ignoring occurs when a person really does not consider himself due to give someone his attention. If a person is really not interested in him, then what now, squeeze out a desire to talk to him?

In general, people are divided into their flocks. When I was at university, I discovered that at the beginning of my studies, we all communicated in unison. Later there was a division of one whole team into flocks. One pack sat at one table, the second pack sat at another table, and my brother and I sat at the fifth table. We failed to join the company. Anyway. It was and it passed.

Intentional ignoring caused by some reasons. You should already know that a person always runs from pain to pleasure. If you like a person, then you communicate with him, if you do not like it, then you avoid him, ignore tobits.

For example, once in my life there was the following picture. I liked one girl, we communicated very well with her, but when I confessed to her about my sympathy, for some reason she suddenly began to ignore me. It was the opposite, I tried not to communicate with the girl who wanted to stir up with me. And this very often happens with other people. It is necessary to talk about his sympathy, as the attitude to the person immediately changes. Sometimes it seems that it is better to hide your attitude towards another person in order to maintain the current relationship. Or on the contrary, it is faster to declare your intentions, and there what will be, it will be.

Ignore have several types.

The first type is ignoring the fact of what is happening.   This is when a person refuses to notice a connection causing a specific problem. For example, a person began to gain excess weight. He is told to start taking care of himself, and he refuses to hear it and take it seriously. So he continues to eat and gain weight.

Ignoring the fact of the problem.   This is when a person resigns himself to what is happening, but refuses to admit that reality presents some other problem. The man scored all and resigned to this, but refuses to admit that he is guilty of this.

Ignoring features.   A person knows that he can lose weight if he starts going to the gym and doesn’t eat enough, but somehow he doesn’t care. It often happens that a person is given an opportunity, and he ignores it intentionally. Type: "And I did not see anything".

Very often, a person ignores another person in order to punish, offend or offend. That is it intentional ignoring.   Between opposing sexes, ignoring is shown in order to attract attention. Women love to do it. So they show their offense. But we men do not understand this. We all take it seriously and literally. Therefore, we meet ignoring aggressively - we respond by ignoring. It turns out that the level of inaction and conflict are growing.

Ignoring is a part of the game between opposite sexes of the type, prove that you need me.

And there are often cases when another person is really indifferent to one person.   In families, this often happens when partners start to get cold towards each other. The wife asks her husband to remove the socks, but he does not even hear her. The husband says something to his wife, and she does not listen to him at all, or starts talking about something of his own. Interests are mutually ignored, and this can lead to the disintegration of the family.

A person can not live without communication. Whether we like it or not, we are surrounded by many people during our lives: good and evil, cheerful and shy, closed and open. And we tend to desire to have friends, to be active and sociable, to draw attention to our person.

But it often happens that in the environment there is always a certain personality, which negatively affects our psychological state. She can oppress, suppress, instill bad thoughts, climb into the soul, etc. As a rule, such people are very intrusive, no hints and dismissal help.

In such cases it is necessary to stop communicating with a person in order not to spoil the quality of his life. But how to do it without harming yourself?

Let us analyze the process of ignoring step by step.

Step 1. Understand your feelings. Where to start? Try to think carefully about what lies at the heart of your desire to stop communicating: hate, hunt for a lesson, irritation, craving for interest. Having understood the emotions, understand that further actions associated with complete disregard for a person can finally destroy the relationship. Therefore, never take it on time when you just want to show your offense. This behavior is inappropriate when the person you need and expensive when he is your friend. In such cases, a frank conversation is necessary, you need to think about the feelings of loved ones. You should start ignoring only when it is your enemy, an unpleasant person for you, with whom there is no desire to communicate with at all.


Step 2
. Analysis of communication with a person.   If you have negative feelings for a certain person (hatred, hostility, etc.), try to imagine yourself in the place of this person. In case there was a quarrel between you, analyze your behavior. Make sure your fault is absent.

Step 3. Time-out.   Try to start to voice your desire to take a break in the relationship. This will be a friendly step, and will also help you to understand yourself. If this does not bring results, go to more radical methods.



Step 4.
Say directly. You need to resolutely declare to the person that from now on you will never want to communicate with him in any form. Try to do this as kindly as possible so as not to hurt and hurt, so as not to provoke a conflict. It must be expressed clearly, clearly and clearly. Be consistent: delete the phone number and do not answer calls, stop communicating in social networks as well (close access to your page using privacy settings).

Step 5. Seek help.   In case of misunderstanding and persistent obsessive behavior, you can declare that you will be forced to regard this as harassment and a violation of human rights. State that if you repeat this, write the complaint to the authorized body. So you can forever discourage interest from an unpleasant person to climb into your life.

Step 6. Anticipate the consequences. If you have common friends with this person, tell them about your intentions and do not engage in too active discussions about this. Just ask for support. Be prepared for the gossip invented by your opponent. Be prudent if you decide to ignore a person - start with the emotions that they cause.



Step 7.
Stop communication.   The person you ignore can be very angry and offended. Prepare to be influenced by other people. These individuals should also be avoided and not contacted.

Step 8. Eliminate the greeting.   It is not necessary for the sake of propriety to greet an unpleasant person for you. Do not do this if you are determined to ignore anyone.

Step 9. Do not react to negative remarks.   Most likely, you will first have to hear unflattering comments in your address. Do not pay any attention to them! In the soul, forgive this person, because such actions characterize him as a weak personality. Be stronger - step back.

Step 10. Take care of yourself.Live your life, your interests, take a great interest in something. Make your leisure time more varied. Hold your head with positive thoughts. Separate yourself from unpleasant for you person employment and personal affairs.

Step 11. Celebrate freedom.Feel complete liberation from the negative that overwhelms you. Feel free from the oppressive person, from the bad feelings that he causes in you. Be filled with determination never to feel these emotions again.

With the help of these steps, you can get rid of the destructive negative and fully experience all the positive moments of your life. Be happy!