Why a man does not say love. The man does not talk about his feelings at all: a phased solution to the problem
QUESTION TO PSYCHOLOGISTS
Asks: NATASHA (2013-08-13 17:07:14)
Good day!
Together with my young man we live together for a little over a year. In terms of life and sex, we are fine. But in terms of feelings, a dead end. I NEVER! for this year, I have not heard from him the words that any girl wants to hear. He never told me that he loves me, that I look good, that he missed me. I don't need to repeat it every day, but I want to hear them ...
I have already tried to pull out at least one gentle word, but all is useless. The only thing I hear is: "I am an insensitive rusk, I am shy, you see how I feel about you, why do you need words, you start again ..."
I am tired and I don’t say anything, but I understand with my head ... if he doesn’t tell me that he loves me, it means he doesn’t love, if he doesn’t say that I am beautiful, it means he does not consider me beautiful.
In all other respects, he is very good man! But the problem is that he does not tell me "I LOVE YOU"
And yes, I LOVE IT ... but I don’t tell him about it ... I’m afraid to hear silence in response. What do i do?
THE RESPONSES OF PSYCHOLOGISTS
Hello Natasha! It is probably not in him, but in you. Words are more important to you than true feelings. It is not common for many men to talk about their feelings, some are taught from childhood to keep everything to themselves, friends grow up in an atmosphere where it is not customary to talk about it, others are simply modest, etc. Therefore, draw conclusions from this that it is more important for you and take care of your happiness! Think about it. Good luck to you!
Gabargova Anargul Abishevna, psychologist Astana
Hello, Natasha. Your young man was brought up not by an emotional mother. Therefore, he doesn’t know how to talk about feelings and openly feel. But he doesn’t even have an example, because you also play his game. You have experience and you need him give him. Try and continue to focus on openness. Speak with him that now he should hug, then sit down next, then kiss and say, I miss him. At first it will be strange, but after a month he will try to do it. he is a good friend, then you have enough patience for everything.
Vladimir Karataev, psychologist Volgograd
The only thing I hear is: "I am an insensitive rusk, I am shy, you see how I feel about you, why do you need words, you start again ..."
Why words - explain. And in order to do this in the most competent and detailed way, read Geri Chapman’s book The Five Languages of Love. You will learn not only about why words can be important and convey it to a man in an understandable form, but also you can find out what is his own language of love. And with the help of this language you can explain a lot to him much better than not knowing him.
if he doesn't tell me that he loves me, then he doesn't love, if he doesn't say that I'm beautiful, then he doesn't consider me beautiful.
If you need these words, it is quite normal. Someone needs words, someone to cook borscht, and someone to ride a bicycle with him and go to his favorite concerts. Each of us has the right to ask a partner about such an expression of feelings, which is clear to us. And this is part of what it means to be yourself. The fact that you have different forms of expressing feelings is also not uncommon, and the language of the other can be learned, as you can learn its language, so it is yours.
And the key question is whether he wants at least to change something in himself for you. After all, relationships are largely a series of changes related to what our partner wants. Of course, the changes should not be in the nature of deformation, but there can be progress. But he still refuses any progress .... I hope that the book will help you understand!
Respectfully,
Nesvitsky Anton Mikhailovich, psychologist St. Petersburg
Does your man ever or very rarely talk about his feelings? Do not rush to make any decisions and break off relationships! There are plenty of reasons why this may occur, and we will analyze them in detail in this article. You will learn what kind of "cockroaches" prevent guys from expressing sympathy to a girl and how to deal with it. You will find effective methods that will help get the coveted recognition.
The root of the problem lies in childhood, more precisely in how the child was raised. Then he was inspired that he should not cry, show his weakness and fear, complain. This is a lot of women, but not representatives of the stronger sex. Proceeding from this, it is not difficult to assume that the expression of one's feelings (meaning warm, not aggression and irritability!) Is fraught with many difficulties. So, in a head thoughts can flicker:
- and what if she laughs at me;
- suddenly she would not like my excessive sentimentality;
- i'm proud of how I can praise someone;
- we don't live to lick others;
- i will not say anything, deeds are more important than words;
- no one appreciates talkers, they are not serious;
- i don't want her to think me weak.
This is only part of what may interfere. young man to admit to you.
The lack of tender words addressed to you may also be dictated by the fact that in childhood the child was simply disliked. Perhaps he grew up in an incomplete family or with parents who always threw plates and lived like a cat with a dog. In this case, the man may simply not understand that the girl needs admiration and compliments. And this is not his fault! Therefore, it is not necessary to treat him for this!
Often, men do not sing the praises of their women just because they don’t want to. And this is not a blatant injustice, but only the absence of the very feeling that pushed Romeo and Juliet to receive the deadly poison. And without love, life can turn into hell!
Another way of developing the situation is when a young man is afraid of “scaring off” his chosen one. This means that he does not trust you or does not fully trust you. Also, do not exclude the fact that he may simply be a married man who is only looking for impressions on the side. In this case, to demand something from him is useless.
It may also be that now you are only cute to him. In this case, you can find out. You can understand this by his behavior, gestures, postures and speech.
What do men think about this:
Enough for you to engage in self-flagellation, maybe it's in you. This article will help bring it to the clear water.
Before you panic, try to pay attention to how he looks at you. Do special. And in this article we will tell which one!
Do not be in a hurry to take gentle words at face value, try to understand. We have collected a few signs that will help determine this.
Oh yes, still remember to pay attention to. When love settles in his heart, he becomes completely different. What exactly, we told in our separate article.
What if the guy does not talk about his feelings
If you want to succeed and finally hear this cherished word "I love", first of all, forget about perseverance. Never need any confessions! This can only annoy, but does not contribute to solving the problem. Next, you should do the following in relation to it:
- To praise, naturally, veiled, for the slightest attention to his person. For example, a man was distracted from his business and helped you repair a computer. In response, we can say: “What would I do with him if you did not help, I don’t even know.”
- Thank for all the efforts that the guy makes for the development of relationships. If he went to meet in a dispute - say, "thanks for understanding me, I hope I will meet your expectations."
- Ask. You do not need to demand anything, politely ask for help or advice, and always with the prefixes "please", "you could not", "if it is not difficult for you", etc. So he will understand that he is valued and respected, and it will be easier to open your soul, if, of course, there is something to show you, some feelings.
If the proposed advice will be useless, then there will be nothing left but to sit down and talk to your beloved in the open. In a mild form, tell us about your experiences, that you don’t quite understand why this is happening, ask if there are any reasons for this.
Those who are afraid of aggression in the direct question: “Do you love me and why you do not recognize this?”, You can bypass it. Say in the form of a joke: "Imagine, Sasha Alenka almost every day confesses her love, she even blossomed, I envy her appearance a little." A normal man who really adores you will laugh and will surely say pleasant words.
Want to learn all the secrets of seducing men? We recommend watching free video course Alexey Chernozem "12 laws of seduction for women." You'll get step plan of 12 steps, how to drive any man crazy and keep his attachment for many years.
Video course is free. To view, go to this page, leave your e-mail and will receive an email with a link to the video.
Is it possible to change a guy to make him more romantic
If you are going to "build" it, remember that with your charter in a strange monastery is somehow stupid to come. If you don’t like something, nobody holds you up, you are a free person and you can find another, more romantic partner. Well, if you like the current young man, then just relax and look at his actions, not the words. They are much more important than all the chatter!
If a man is cold, does not show interest and desire to be together, the question arises, is he needed at all? You can try to change it, be attentive and make compliments, but this behavior, if there are no feelings, can only repel.
If a man does not confess his feelings, here’s a video of how to know whether he loves you or not:
And finally, girls, do not rush to draw any conclusions if a man hides his feelings. Perhaps it takes him some time! And most importantly, forget about the phrase: "Women love with their ears, and men love with their eyes." It works not always!
“I know that my husband loves me, but he never tells me about it. In the family where he grew up, it was not customary to speak frankly, so "words mean little to him." How to convince a husband to express his feelings more freely? I miss his attention so much ... ”
Probably, you have already heard the expression "woman loves the ears." You are so eager to hear from your husband tender words of love that would fill your heart with warmth. Of course, your husband loves you, but he does it in his own way. Like all of us, he learned his way of expressing love at an early age, in his family. He does not assign the important role of words to love, and this means that in childhood he did not hear his parents tell each other about their feelings. He unknowingly hides from you the words of love, he does it just because he simply does not understand how important it is for you, and he does not know how to satisfy your dissatisfaction. So talk to him and explain how to get out of this situation!
Words are one of the shortest paths to creating intimate relationships between two people. Words are the bridge you cross from your own inner world to the world of a partner. They bind together two separate individual silence, thanks to them you will find out that someone loves you, and he will know about your love for him. They collect the knowledge of your heart and make it accessible to the mind. Deep down you feel that your husband loves you. But when he tells you about his love, you will experience this feeling much more.
Nevertheless, there are people who believe that words are only words, meaningless shaking of air, unable to adequately reflect the real feeling, and therefore talking about feelings is optional and even harmful. “If you constantly talk about love, then nothing will be left of it,” they say. This is a completely groundless point of view - the words clothe the senses in the flesh, they make them tangible and transferable; without them, any feeling gradually turns into an illusion. Words are wires through which the energy of love flows between you. They are the wind that raises the waves in the ocean of your senses. Water is always present in the ocean, but it is the wind that excites it, turning it into living, indomitable waves. Feelings always live in your heart, but it is the words that awaken them from slumber.
Lovers are often stingy with words, limiting themselves to overwhelming overwritten phrases: “I love you,” “I feel good with you,” “I need you,” as if they were a few small coins lying around in your pocket. Even the wretched coppers from this set they manage to set aside for later, preserve “for the right moment” - their birthday or wedding anniversary, and their beloved women spend the rest of the time on rations.
“If I keep talking about love all the time, it will stop meaning anything at all ...” This is as absurd as refusing to wear nice clothes due to the fact that with frequent use it will become worse to look, it is necessary to keep it for years in a dusty cupboard and get out of it only on major holidays. This is the same as refusing your beloved children in the evening kiss for a dream coming from considerations that rare kisses are remembered for a long time!
The result of such emotional stinginess is a feeling of resentment and even enslavement, arising from a partner deprived of the joy of hearing words of love. That is how you feel. Your husband put you on a starvation diet, not understanding what he was doing. I know that words of love are necessary for you - they nourish your heart and soul.
Expressing your feelings with words is not such an easy task. Your husband does not speak the language of love because no one has ever taught him that, no one has ever spoken to him in that language. “I don’t like to talk about feelings simply because I am so arranged,” he says to you. Why do people use words reluctantly to express their feelings? First, they fear that they will turn out badly. Secondly, because at the same time they feel too open and unprotected. "I do not know what to say. I can’t describe what is happening inside me, ”they say. Or simply go into a dull defense:
Talk to your husband about this. Perhaps when he realizes that your requirements are not a stubborn desire to “make him do it your way,” and it is not difficult for him to feel his love more often than to give his feelings a verbal appearance. And do not forget to remind you that women "love with their ears," and therefore his words will be your strongest means of evoking passion!
