Should you hide true feelings from a man?
The good news is that women are better at hiding their feelings than men. American psychologists studied how strangers read non-verbal signals - gestures, intonation, facial expressions. It turned out that in 80% of cases, observers misunderstood the intentions of women. They decided that the woman sympathized with the man, although she was about to end the relationship. The men's reaction was unmistakable. If women are capable of hiding feelings, let's think about the cases in which this should be done.
It's no secret that when a woman talks about feelings, she means only one thing - love. Find a man whom you can trust and hand over your life to him. Open your soul, confess your love and sweet weaknesses, support, help. Ideal partners understand each other without words, secrets, grievances and a stone in their bosom. But failures happen in life, perhaps someone chose the wrong pair, showed excessive gullibility, used someone's weakness, wanted a lot and received little. We are not always overwhelmed with feelings with a plus sign, do we? There are resentments and, hatred and powerlessness. There are feelings to hide; there are feelings that are harmful to keep in oneself, but there are also those that cannot be expressed.
Taking a close look at your feelings, you can notice that usually these are not feelings, but just emotions - an instant reaction to words or actions that do not meet our expectations, manifestations of discontent, envy, fear, emotional emptiness or fatigue. In the interests of others and your own, you need to share positive emotions, and it is advisable to keep negative, destructive ones with you. So it turns out that we keep our distance with strangers, we do not tire with our problems and throwing, and at the moment when it is about to roll, we run for salvation to those closest to us. It would be good if it was always a girlfriend or mother, but sometimes a beloved man will come across on the way. Why should he listen that you are not appreciated, not understood, or offended at work? So that he sees in you a doubting person, and not a woman you want to love? For him to say that you are good and that all are scoundrels? It is possible that in front of you is a manipulator or an indifferent person. In the first case, he encourages your weakness, and the weaker and more insecure a woman is, the easier it is to control her. In the second case, supports the conversation without offering a solution.
Respect
Conversations about respect are from the repertoire of alcoholics. "Do you respect me? Let's take one more. ” Nevertheless, it is respect that can be considered the standard, the soil on which all others will grow. If you respect a person, you listen to his opinion, do not impose your own on him, do not infringe on his interests. They don't talk about respect, they don't show it, but it is felt in every action. Respect has nothing to do with worship and obedience. This is not just a feeling for a person - it is a recognition of his comfort zone, personal rights, his opinion and his own interests. The basis of a relationship that excludes violence and submission.
Devotion
Another true feeling. When they say "devotee", one immediately remembers Hachiko's face and dog's gaze. Devotion is the inability to betray and the joy of being around. Everyone has friends or acquaintances whom you have not seen for years, you rarely communicate, and then you meet - and as if you parted yesterday. Close souls, unselfish relationships called friendship. And you know that if you need help, you don't even have to ask for it. Friends always have something in common: past, interests, professional skills, sincere communication. Like respect, loyalty refers to true feelings that don't need to be proven. If the conversation takes a turn: “We are friends, and must help a friend,” or they turn to you with a request and it is inconvenient for you to fulfill it, but it is also inconvenient to refuse help, be careful. Perhaps there is a bias in the relationship. Maybe they only remember you when they need help. Learn to say “no” politely, do not act to the detriment of your interests. A true friend will understand you, and a manipulator will lose interest in you. In any case, you will win.
Love is real
In the book “NLP. Games in which women win ”Anvar Bakirov gives an interesting definition of love. “Love is a constant readiness to desire, give and do good to the object of love.” Following this definition, love requires five components. First, the ability to love. This is not given to everyone. Most people get along pretty well. Secondly, you need to choose an object of love worthy according to your concepts. A loved one for the rest of your life, and not get married for long. Third, the concept of goodness is what is best for him or how is it more convenient for you? The ability to take into account the interests of another, without compromising on your own, is a necessary ingredient. Fourth, “wanting, giving and doing” implies that you always think well of this person, do something for him, do not regret time, money, emotions and other resources, and do not expect anything in return. The word "gift" is one-sided. Gave it - forget it, do not expect anything in return, do not impose your "good", do not demand gratitude. Even worse, he has the right to reject this gift if he doesn't like it and you shouldn't be offended. What's a gift? He may not accept love. And if you respect the person, you will probably understand.
Love
Let's close the triad of true feelings on this and look at the emotions that torment us all our lives. So different and passing, they need to be spoken, spilled out, expressed. For example, should you tell your boyfriend that you are in love? Didn't Tatyana Larina's example teach you anything? If you are interested in a guy, do not try to show it. You can show sympathy, friendly disposition, have sex at last. By glance or by interjection - but not by head-on confession. A decent guy will be confused or scared away by such a statement. Do not take away prelude and desire from him. The dishonest will take advantage of and try to develop this feeling into dependence, obsession, obsession. This does not always happen on purpose, sometimes subconsciously. Since it goes by itself, why not take it? Unfortunately, a common mistake many girls make is to talk about love, to feed them with love. Anything you want to bring on a silver platter, show your readiness to sacrifice your interests, thoughts, goals. One personality is replaced by another. Whatever you ask, one answer: "As the beloved says, so it will be." And the constant annoying itching "I love you, I love you ..."
This is not out of stupidity, this is the principle of the mirror. We behave with other people the way we want them to behave with us. (By the way, the principle also works in bed. Follow your partner's caresses, sexologists say that this is how you can find out about hidden desires) The mirror in a relationship works like this: a woman really wants to hear a declaration of love. He wants so much that he begins to talk about love, showing his example of a right relationship. And it gets. Like a fly in sugar syrup. She talks about love, but he is silent. And the more she speaks, the more stubbornly he is silent, soulless blockhead, you will not wait for an affectionate word. Nothing, falling in love will pass, love, affection or life experience will remain. And the understanding that not a woman, but a woman should confess their love. Not only with words, but also with flowers, gifts, attention, care daily, hourly to prove your love.
Resentment
Depends on the situation. The offense is not always deliberately inflicted, there is not always a reason for the offense. If a crime is observed, that is, disrespect, lies, greed, pettiness, insults, then the situation requires clarification and punishment. Showdowns on who offended whom and how are best served cold. If you want to be heard, speak quietly and calmly. Wait time, do not roll up scandals, do not blame the man. You will blame - he will defend himself or withdraw into himself. Also ruin your reputation. Tantrum breeds tantrum. Well, let off some steam, and then what? Where is the life lesson and the adequate answer? Where is the solution? In simple terms, make it clear that some of the moments were unpleasant. Perhaps the man, through thoughtlessness, did not pay attention to the reaction. You may not have heard what he said. Normal conversation can clear up misunderstandings. If the case is chronic, rudeness and lies are incorrigible, and, rather, are character traits, maybe someone chose the wrong pair? If it really boils, the last showdown may turn out. You can hide anything here - tell him everything that boiled and tore off the lid. And remember him this way - irresponsible, rude, stupid. In order not to regret later how gentle and affectionate he was in places.
Anger and annoyance
Destructive emotion. Something went wrong and you weren't able to control your emotions. Usually violent reactions are caused by fatigue, overexertion, or stress. If you notice that you might be out of control, distract yourself and give yourself some rest. You should not do what you can regret later. Having two ways out - beautiful and ugly - always choose beautiful. Also, learn to distinguish between feeling and emotion. If the emotion is looking for a way out, you can transform it. Analyze the situation, your behavior and the behavior of others, explore your reaction. It won't take long before you learn emotional restraint. For example, if you are angry with your boyfriend's mom, ex-girlfriends, or real children, never show negative attitudes. Children are given forever, you can be among the former friends, mom - in general, sacred. Unpleasant people can be made allies or learn to turn on economy mode for the nervous system. If something cannot be changed, you can change your attitude towards the situation.
What about true feelings, you ask? Will life really pass, and real, loyalty and respect will never meet? Where are the feelings that you don't need to talk about? Which fill you with beauty and strength? They, of course, are. They live in every woman. Love yourself, respect yourself, be true to yourself. And then your man will treat you the way you deserve.
