Ex wants me - what to do? Relationship psychology
Couples converge and diverge equally often, but former lovers do not always realize that they are breaking up forever. Sometimes partners continue to communicate closely and pretend that they have become good friends, sharing everyday joys and sorrows. And one day a man thinks about the fact that he broke up with his girlfriend in vain once, and decides to return the relationship. And then the confused woman frantically starts calling her friends and utters the cherished phrase “The former wants me!” hoping to get some valuable advice. Stop! Do not rush and make an important decision based on emotions. Let's try to understand the situation of departures and returns of men to former lovers.
A few words about returns
Oddly enough, but the situation from the category of "the former wants me" is repeated very often. And many women make the same mistake, hoping that the second time the relationship will turn out differently, and the couple has only a series of bright and happy days on the horizon. However, family psychologists are not so optimistic. Of course, they leave a small percentage of the successful outcome of the next return of a man to his former lover, but still note that more than eighty percent of relationships that have received a second chance end in a break and complete disappointment of partners in each other.
Why are they leaving?
So, what should an abandoned woman do when she realizes that the relationship has another chance? First of all, she should ask herself the question: “Why does the ex want me?” And perhaps, if we analyze the main reasons for the departure of men from the family.
We’ll make a reservation right away that there are quite a lot of them, but experts identify four that are most common in our reality:
1. Finding convenience
Psychologists distinguish a special category of men who are not able to make efforts to build harmonious relationships. They are always on the lookout for a convenient option to jump to.
2. Immaturity
Some representatives of the strong half of humanity, despite the outward brutality, are absolutely not ready for a serious relationship. Having plunged into everyday life, especially with the appearance of a baby in the family, they feel offended, set goals with difficulty, cannot take responsibility for certain decisions, and, in the end, follow their desires, leaving the family.
3. Outside influence
Infantile men tend to be influenced by stronger personalities. It can be close relatives, friends and even leaders. This type of men will always listen to opinions from the outside and can easily leave their beloved under pressure from others.
4. Life circumstances
Even a strong partner can make a mistake and, under the influence of certain problems, abandon the relationship. Sometimes the reason for leaving can be very good, and it will take time for a man to solve the problem, weigh the pros and cons and make the right decision.
By the way, it is the men who broke off relations for the last reason that most often return.
Why are they eager to return?
"Ex wants me!" - the realization of this is dizzying even for those women who have already begun to build new relationships. A former lover who suddenly appeared on the threshold, cherished words of regret and apology can turn the most icy heart into a real flame. Especially if the feelings have not cooled down yet, and so you want to start all over again. But psychologists advise against trusting your emotions. They encourage women to ask the difficult question: “Why does my ex want me back?” Unfortunately, the reason can be more than prosaic and far from girlish dreams:
- Convenience. Most often, men return not because they have strong feelings, but only because of convenience. In separation, they may realize how well the beloved organized their life or met their sexual needs, for example. Also, a man could simply not make a new girlfriend during the breakup and simply called all the former in the hope of receiving warmth and care.
- Sharp sensations. Some representatives of the stronger sex love relationships at the peak of emotions. To do this, they use the psychological swing, accompanied by separations and reunions. For some time, a couple can exist in this mode, but there can be no talk of a serious relationship here.
- Ownership instinct. It is known that men are big owners. In a relationship, they want the woman to belong to them undividedly, and even after parting, they want to know that the former lover will be available to them at any moment.
- Awareness of mistakes. In the “ex-boyfriend wants me back” story, this reason for returning is the rarest and most favorable. Naturally, it does not guarantee that everything will turn out well the second time, but it still gives a high chance of happiness.
My ex wants me back: fact or speculation?
Sometimes there are quite warm relations between the former. This is possible if the separation was calm and people tried to keep only good memories of each other. However, after a while, it begins to seem to the woman that the former has the same feelings for her and is eager to return her. How to determine this for sure? We will give you some tips:
- the former carefully hides his personal life so as not to hurt you;
- from posts on social networks, messages and accidentally thrown words, it becomes clear that he misses;
- he often calls for no reason;
- tries to be closer in any company;
- talks openly about your lost relationship, with warmth and regret in his voice;
- in many conversations, the ex mentions that he has completely changed;
- jealous of your friends and fans;
- appears in any place where you can be;
- writes and calls you every time he drinks;
- does not forget your relatives and often communicates with them.
If you have ticked more than half of the listed signs, then you can safely say: “My ex-husband wants me!”
How to know if you need an ex
Any woman is flattered when they want her back. This raises self-esteem and gives confidence, but it is not always possible for ladies to understand their emotions and understand whether it is worth renewing relationships.
Of course, a woman must make a decision herself, but answers to the following questions can give her a hint:
- Are there any feelings left?
- How did the relationship end? (You can't go back to the person who cheated or raised their hand.)
- Has there been a similar situation before? (What happened twice will definitely happen again.)
- How serious are the man's intentions?
- What reasons did he give as valid arguments for returning?
If you can honestly and frankly answer these questions, you will be able to understand what to do in this situation.
How to build a relationship with an ex?
Sometimes women break up with a loved one and expect that sooner or later he will return. For them, the phrase "the former wants to see me" is not an empty phrase, but the most cherished dream. But often they do not even suspect how to properly build relationships with a departed partner in order to have a chance to renew relations:
- behave adequately and not attempt to return him;
- in no case do not lie, do not arouse pity and do not provoke jealousy;
- do not lend money;
- do not build a joint business.
Psychologists advise putting a friendly end in a relationship after a man leaves, and then love will have a second chance.
Conditions for a successful relationship
Are you wondering if you should give your ex a second chance? Then remember the three conditions under which partners get the opportunity to be happy after the reunion:
- both people have completely changed and rethought their behavior;
- partners managed to maintain attractiveness for each other;
- ready to let go of the past and truly start over.
Should you accept your ex? Summing up
Psychologists are very skeptical about the reunion of former lovers. Unfortunately, they have very sad statistics of such returns. Therefore, if your feelings are not so strong, and your mind is overwhelmed with doubts, then it is better to refuse your ex-partner. Perhaps real happiness awaits you with a worthy man ahead of you.
