How I got my husband back after a divorce
How to get your husband back is a very popular question and request on the Internet. It is understandable. This share is passed by a much smaller number of women, much more of those who have experienced the pain of losing a beloved man. Breaking up relationships is not at all joyful and rarely calm. This is pain, this is fear, and this is the search for an answer to the question “what to do”. I have my own successful experience. And I studied this issue deeply for myself, and then to help other women. Therefore, in this article I will tell you how I got my husband back after a divorce.
And I advise you to do everything in order. Read the text below carefully and watch the video at the end to reinforce what you have read. And then, the post is not a transcription of the video.
Situation
I'll start with a description of the situation, as this is an important point.
Your beloved, even if you still live together, your thoughts are no longer with you. That is, he no longer considers you his woman, the one for whom he wants to conquer the world, get a mammoth and protect from "enemies".
He decided:
- Or he has one for which he decided to take responsibility.
- Or he decided to start a new life in which you will not be. Of course, you are, and there are your children. But in a new life, you are definitely not his woman. Perhaps a friend. And well, if so. But more often you are the mother of his children and nothing more. He's tired... of you.
Your man does not believe in you. Your relationship does not suit him so much that he is ready to build new ones again, which, by definition, adds work. Yes, not all men think about it at the moment of making a decision. And if yours is one of them, you're in luck. And if not? Sometimes a man's roof just blew away from passion for a new passion. She is not necessarily younger than you and her legs are from her neck, but she certainly gives him more than you.
What does she give him such that he stopped receiving from you?
It just stopped receiving. That is, you had it, it is possible that you still have it. Because if it wasn't, then there wouldn't be a relationship. There would be a short-term connection. But we are talking about the collapse of the union that existed for more than one year, right?
So here - it is ENERGY that he no longer sublimates from your relationship. And how without it? Keep this in mind as I move on to the "return of the prodigal son" steps.
What for?
Why do you need this man?
The question is not idle. And the most important or the first, to which you are simply obliged answer yourself honestly. I know it's difficult. This is fine. Not everyone is able to answer right away, not everyone is honest. Most likely, the answer will be unpleasant for you. But, as they say, a bitter truth is better than a sweet lie.
Most often, a woman does not want to let go of a man and put up with a break for mercantile reasons. Mercantilism consists both in the desire not to lose material wealth, which will obviously become less with his departure, and in the unwillingness to break the emotional attachment and the subsequent emotional emptiness. I would like to continue to receive the fortunes that this man gives birth to and gives. Loneliness does not give these states. It is truly a drug. Yes, in problematic relationships we get less and less of such states, and more and more negative ones. But we remember and feed on hope. And sometimes, as it was in my case, we do not notice. So it's easier.
There's little love in all this. If she exists at all. And there is a hellish flame of selfishness. “I, me, with me, with me” - it is these parts of speech that prevail in thoughts. With the pronoun "he" only negative definitions and verbs are used.
We ask ourselves the questions “why?”, “How could he?”, “Why is he doing this to me?” ... A scoundrel, a scoundrel, a traitor, an egoist!
The truth is that the answers to such questions, even if they are found, will not solve the problems. From the word at all. As long as we drown ourselves in self-pity, in hatred for him, then in self-hatred, in pity for the past, a man goes further and further and will eventually find himself at the point of no return.
Everything. You won't get it back. And don't work on your mistakes. The next time, even after many years, the same thing will happen, and you will find yourself alone again. Depending on the answer to the question “why”, we choose our further actions.
I want ME
When I asked myself the question “why do I need my husband”, and with it “why do I feel so bad without him”, I discovered my selfish desires.
I did not want to let go of a man with whom I was comfortable and comfortable.
We have in common - children and grandchildren, social circle, business, real estate. I'm interested in him, he is unusually good in bed. So take it and lose everything? Give another? No, I deserve the best, and even more so, my husband. And she, this homemaker, who is she? She went with him all of our "Crimea-eye"? He wants to get ready, impudent! And I went along the path of excommunication of the homeowner from her husband. A dead end path full of pain, resentment, hatred. The fact that I myself launched a boomerang, I will not describe. My negative states have harmed me physically. The main thing is that this path leads far, far away from a man. That is, if you want to return a man, never do this.
Of course, these are perfectly valid questions. Only they are not about love. At the same time, there is no need to moan “I love you can’t” or “I gave everything to him, youth, beauty, I gave my life to him, and he!”, “Who can love him like me?”.
Tell yourself honestly: "I want this man, because I feel good with him." There is nothing seditious in this. You just want happiness for yourself and only for yourself. It's about you.
What's next?
And then try to answer the question "does the man want to return to you." At first glance, the answer is immediately negative. Of course, he doesn’t want to, since he has either already left, or has practically left, that is, he behaves like a free man. However, the answer is negative only at first glance. Try to find the true reasons for his departure.
I warn you! No need to look for reasons in order to find the culprit. No one is guilty or both are guilty. Which is essentially the same thing. Think, at the dawn of your relationship, could someone have a desire to create an alliance that was doomed to break in advance? Or did either of you deliberately make mistakes or want to break up? Absurd, right?
A man craves love and understanding in a relationship no less than a woman. This means that the reason appeared later as a result of certain errors. And we must try to find them calmly and objectively, and then treat it reasonably. It's hard, it takes time. However, I know and affirm that every woman can do it if she is not her own enemy.
In general, the reasons come down to one thing - a man does not believe in your love for him. What does this mean for a man? And the fact that you are an ordinary egoist whom he sponsors to no avail. You want to take what you need from him without giving him what he really needs.
Harmonious relations are always an equal exchange! People in a relationship exchange valuable, useful and important especially for each person.
You don't have to see it with your own eyes. Look through the eyes of a man. Are you giving him what he really needs and appreciates?
I want HIM
When I realized what my husband was not getting from me, I felt uneasy. Honestly. Intentionally, but more often unintentionally, I showed him my superiority over him. Like: I'm a woman - and I'm right about that. It turns out that I did not respect and did not honor his masculinity. Rest assured, this is the most painful thing for a man. When they do not believe in him, as a man - the king of nature. I realized something else - he is important to me, he is valuable to me, he is a really real and cool man! I just have to prove it to him!
You may have other errors. But it was the mistakes that led to the fact that the man does not believe in your selfless love. Love is not for something, but just like that. True love can only be like this - selfless or unconditional. It has nothing to do with addiction and the suffering associated with it.
CONSULTATION
I WILL HELP
Returning a husband to the family or restoring your love union is only worth it if you sincerely love your husband and wish him happiness. You understand that you owe your husband and want to repay this emotional debt.
How can you do it?
- stop making a scene, act like a victim
- stop crying and suffering in public, but rather in secret
How do you think a man feels when he sees your tears and hears your wailing? Your emotions are not clear to him, he has a different physics. Behind your moans, he hears his own, something else: to do what? how to stop all this or resolve it peacefully?
Very often, women, trying to regain the favor of a man, choose to suffer. Because he will see how unhappy I am without him, how much I suffer and suffer, what bags I have under my eyes ... But it doesn’t work. Men are far from being so empirical. And when they see other people's suffering, their heart does not open, but closes. Tightly. And the result is the opposite. Alas.
Olga Valyaeva
- stop manipulating, manipulation always involves personal gain
- let go of a man in peace, without clinging to him
- sincerely wish him happiness without the hope of an equivalent answer
Once, he fell in love with you, took responsibility for you and future children, wished for happiness and was like that. You both wanted the same thing - to build and enjoy a long-term union. But over time, both of you, no matter who is bigger, have made a lot of mistakes. Passion passed, then understanding, and with it the emotional intimacy began to melt like snow in spring. Your man no longer wants to endure it and wait for the weather by the sea. He stopped getting love from you. Love in its own, male understanding of this phenomenon.
None of you knows if love has completely died, and whether it can be returned. No one, even the most experienced psychologist, can tell you for sure. He is not the Lord God. But you always have a chance that you can take, or you can not use - try to return the love and trust of a man, giving him your debt - love.
How can you give love?
There are many important points here.
And again about the fact that you can not give what is not.
Understand yourself.
What are you at the moment? An injured animal? Fury? Pitiful, weeping creature? In any of these states and incarnations, it is not possible to give love to another.
Relax and accept yourself.
Accept yourself with everything you have. Accept your imperfections, your mistakes, accept your defeat. Even if you do not return your husband or beloved man, this will not mean the end of the world for you and the inability to become happy again in general and in relationships in particular.
Start filling yourself up.
It is important to restore harmony and balance within yourself. Think, identify: what distracts you from sad thoughts, switches, what brings joy, pleasure. And do this to yourself or to yourself every day for at least 30 minutes. I call it the practice of joy. It's very energizing, it's very fulfilling. This is what you need now.
If the fear doesn't let go.
If you are wildly afraid of the unknown, of hopelessness, if it seems that you have fallen to the bottom, look fear in the face. Here is how Irina Khakamada describes this method:
Samurai follow this philosophical principle: die early. No matter how paradoxical it may sound, in a mortal battle, the samurai who is already dead wins. Just think in detail about the worst-case scenario of the situation that is haunting you at the moment. And imagine what happens after that. Describe your steps after the defeat. And then, as in a movie, mentally scroll the film to the first frame. One or two - and you have nothing to fear. You can safely go to battle!
In principle, the same thing I advise in some of my programs and coaching. It works!
Figure out your desires.
Now ask yourself the question "why do you need this man." If you want to continue to manipulate him to ensure your own happiness, then nothing will work. If you return the man, then not for long. The end will be even worse. If you really want to inflict irreparable good on him, to give him the love that you owe, then start acting in the given direction. Remember that you cannot enter the same river twice. Everything will be different. Ready? Then go ahead!
Start loving.
Give your loved one what he really needs. Respect him. Consider him. Avoid those mistakes that led to the bankruptcy of the relationship. About what men want and how to make them happy, read the articles I gave links to above, and also look in the sitemap (in the footer) for other articles on this topic. I have a whole arsenal here!
Patience and more patience. Moreover, if the man has already left, everything will not happen right away. It took me over a year. And this despite the fact that we did not part as enemies. You can not be imposed and do something against his will!
Do not overestimate your expectations so as not to plunge yourself into the abyss of suffering and hatred again.
Let's recap
Answer yourself the question "do you love this man?". What role would you like him to return to? Do you really want a full energy exchange? Do you really want to really live for your man and do everything you can to make him happy? Because a happy relationship is a big job in which there are no days off.
If your answers are positive, then begin a great transformation of yourself. Remove everything in yourself that interfered with your relationship, which was the reason for their breakup. Learn to live alone, become a full-fledged loner, become interesting to yourself. Learn to deal with issues like a woman. Tap into feminine energy.
Don't push, don't rush, don't invite him back, don't complain, don't act like a victim. This desire should be born in a man on his own. This will happen when he feels your love and believes in your sincerity. When he feels that you want to make him happy. And find in you what makes it so. Believe me, a man will not refuse this!
I wish you female happiness! I wish you peace of mind and love. Remember that the road will be mastered by the walking one. Go and you will succeed! As it turned out for me and many others whom I know personally and personally helped. You need my help or advice, remember, I'm always there. Simply write to [email protected] or fill out the registration form on , the first one is always free.
CONSULTATION
Especially for women experiencing relationship difficulties.
I WILL HELP
End a difficult relationship without destroying yourself - Survive a divorce or get your husband back - Repair a bad relationship - Become self-confident and valuable - Find the motivation and strength to make your life the way you want.
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