How to stop fighting over trifles with your husband
Did you get constant scandals with your husband, endangering family happiness ?! Find out valuable tips to help you put an end to any conflict situations!
Quarrels between spouses are by no means a rare phenomenon and, unfortunately, even the most ideal couples are subject to it. Although the reasons for the quarrel are different for each family, one thing remains unchanged - they should in no way be ignored.
Sooner or later, small fights will develop into violent clashes, and the grievances left after them can forever bury the hope of joint happiness.
Why do conflicts arise in the family
The most common reasons people who live together start to fight are:
- Different ideas about family life... If for the wife an exemplary life is quiet everyday life and tireless work for the benefit of the newly created unit of society, and for the husband it is a continuous holiday consisting of going to nightclubs and gatherings with friends, disagreements are inevitable. The problem can be solved only by lowering the bar of expectations and agreeing to mutual concessions.
- Modest budget... Waking up every morning with the awareness of your own poverty is not very pleasant. Spouses, tired of denying themselves everything, gradually become irritable and begin to blame each other for financial failures. There can be only one way out - an active search for a higher-paying job.
- Alcoholism or drug addiction... Having decided to connect your fate with a person with pathological addiction, you can forget about calmness for a long time. Such people are characterized by sudden mood swings, poor health and a disgusting habit of dragging everything that "lies badly" out of the house. The only way to influence them is through an effective course of treatment.
- Infidelity... Unfortunately, even the official stamp in the passport does not serve as a guarantee of marital fidelity. Having caught a loved one in treason, you can and even need to give vent to your emotions, but having shouted enough, you need to figure out what drove him. If a banal thirst for new sensations, then this can still be dealt with, it is much more difficult if he met a new love.
- Indifference towards children... Many people, seeing this item, will be surprised: "Well, how can you not love your child ?!" In fact, we are talking here about the unwillingness to actively participate in his upbringing. By the way, most often fathers sin with this, mistakenly believing that since they bring money to the family, everything else is the mother's lot.
- Rare sex... Having been married for several years, it is quite difficult to maintain the former ardor. At first, sex from daily becomes weekly, and after that one of the partners begins to evade in every possible way from fulfilling a conjugal duty. The consequences are quite predictable: reproaches, insults and attempts to catch the deviator of treason.
- Lack of home help... Daily household chores are a thankless task, especially if they are completely entrusted to one person. Fatigue, accumulated from endless household chores, will make itself felt with bouts of aggression and nervous breakdowns. Avoiding such troubles is possible only by a fair distribution of responsibilities.
- Different faith... Religious intolerance, triumphantly marching around the world, increasingly penetrates families, forcing two loving people to engage in long theological disputes. The only advice that can be given in this case is to respect each other's faith and then happiness will reign in the house.
- Bad habits... Falling in love, people lose the ability to sensibly evaluate the actions and behavior of the object of their passion. Loves to eat in bed? Wonderful! Smokes without leaving home? Better! However, euphoria cannot last forever, and with its disappearance, discontent enters the scene, accompanied by irritable reproaches.
- Heightened self-esteem... There can be no peace in a family where one spouse a priori considers himself better than the other. Full of self-righteousness, he will demand a privileged relationship, and not getting what he wants, he will throw tantrums and threaten with divorce, which, most likely, will end.
The art of arguing
Many quarrels are provoked by the situation when one person makes claims and accusations, and the other violently tries to challenge them.
To prevent a small confrontation from developing into a large-scale battle, you need to behave as follows:
Good
- control emotions;
- do not go over to insults;
- adhere to an even, calm tone;
- focus on oxygen therapy (breathing deeply);
- remember that the word is not a sparrow;
- count to 10, and even better to 20, before "hitting the patient";
- take water in your mouth and wait until your opponent lets off steam.
Badly
- screaming;
- negatively evaluate any actions of the spouse;
- use phrases starting with the words "you are always", "you are forever", "you are never";
- use expressions like “your whole family is so abnormal / mad / inadequate”.
- cry loudly, turning into a hysterical screaming woman;
- issue ultimatums;
- sort things out in public.
How not to quarrel with your husband
Ceremonial family quarrel
If you are every minute ready to quarrel with your husband and just do not know how to stop yourself, take into account the experience of ceremonial quarrels.
Their meaning is that spouses cannot swear until they perform a certain ritual. For example, they will not wear the same bathrobes stored in the farthest corner of the apartment. In general, there can be a lot of options: they won't pick up ski poles, they won't cook a herring under a fur coat, they won't jump over a ball, they won't wash the dishes. The main thing is really not to allow yourself to "fight" until the ritual is observed. Many couples using this method admit that they have long ceased to properly conflict.
Family life is like a turbulent river with dangerous rapids and an unpredictable course. Managing a fragile boat of home well-being is not easy, at any time you can turn over and go under the water.
However, truly loving couples will always find their own safe haven if they learn to disregard grievances and support each other in every possible way!
