How does love go
I think my story is very familiar and close to many.
We met when we were 12 years old. We have a small age difference, I'm only one year older than him. We were introduced by Sasha's sister, who was also my best friend.
After we met, we began to walk often, talked all night long: corresponded, called up.
When I saw him, my heart sank, as he later admitted, the same thing happened to him when he met me. Over time, friendship grew into love, we began to live together, with him.
We were connected by common interests, hobbies and were drawn to each other like a magnet, as happens at the very beginning of any new relationship. Beloved carried me in his arms, we never parted. There were mutual friends, they always walked in the same company.
We had our own, incomprehensible, jokes, he was a complete reflection of me both internally and externally. In the middle of the night, Sasha could easily get out of a warm bed and go to the store without me, just because I wanted ice cream, but I don’t want to go anywhere myself.
Fulfilled all my whims and, it seemed, he even liked it. Round-the-clock insatiation with each other, sleepless nights, crazy actions. Walking under the moon, in the rain, in the cold, in the heat, nothing frightened us, because we are together, always and in everything nearby and we don’t need anyone else. We could give a damn about everyone and disappear for several days, enjoying only each other's company.
Full understanding between us, guessed the thoughts of another from a half-look. Sasha charmed my family from the first meeting, and his family fell in love with me.
A year and a half later, when I saw two stripes on the test, with a wide smile on my face, I ran to please my beloved, but when I saw fear and disappointment on his face, I, referring to surprise and age (at that time he was 17 years old), took his reaction regarding calmly.
We moved to live with me, with my parents and brother.
At that time, I needed a lot of help, both moral and physical, which was no longer enough from my young man, he began to slowly move away from me.
I did not understand what it was connected with, to be honest, I still do not understand. But I never brought this topic up with him, afraid of hearing something unpleasant or, even worse, something that would tear us apart.
He became rude, harsh both in actions and in words, for the first time we began to swear, which, unfortunately, over time began to happen more and more often.
But, I did not even guess that this was the beginning of my "hell", the beginning of our end.
We got married as soon as he turned 18, at that time I was already five months pregnant.
In the registry office, as they say, I didn’t pull him “by the hair”, I suggested getting married myself.
I, of course, agreed without hesitation, but alternately doubted this decision.
More than once I started a conversation with him that perhaps we should not do this, maybe we should wait, but he was persistent.
At first everything was great, we became very close again. They always boasted to everyone that in our relationship, in addition to being lovers, we know how to be friends, due to which our relationship is so strong, we were sure that it was forever. But, as is customary in happy stories with a sad ending, the relationship began to break down, at first imperceptibly even for both of us, then with a big "crash".
It all started with the fact that he started walking without me, but this is not the saddest thing, the sadness itself began with the fact that today he came home at 23.00, tomorrow he came home at 3 am, the day after tomorrow he did not come home, and I , lying alone in our bed with him, just roared and did not understand why he did not answer my calls and messages.
Sometimes, apparently tired of my persistent calls, he simply turned off the phone, and I rushed around the apartment and did not know where to put myself, worrying about something happening to him.
Returning home, in his defense, he constantly told some new, pre-thought-out story that I had to believe in, but I could only turn a blind eye to it and pretend that I believe and trust him.
Over time, there were calls from ex-girlfriends, secrets, some kind of parties without me, which, as he decided, in principle, I don’t need to know, reticence, lies. The most annoying thing is that every time I blamed only myself for all this. I thought that it was I who was a bad wife, I did not pay enough attention to him, that it was definitely my fault that he became bored and uninteresting with me. In any case, he remained the best person for me.
When I gave birth, it seems that our relationship began to improve again.
He helped me a lot with our son, got up at night to feed him, rock him in his arms, put him to bed, took care of us.
I found a part-time job through acquaintances, which I periodically went to, received a little money from it, brought some to the family. But, as one would expect, he soon got tired of playing a good husband, a loving father and a happy family.
Meetings with friends began again both during the day and at night, I came home at a later time of the day, in a not quite sober state, I waited, worried again, but constant scandals, daily quarrels, tears began again.
He left, came back and left again. When the son grew up a little and during our regular scandals he began to scream or cry, we mutually decided to leave, he packed his things and went to live with his mother.
After some time, we both, of course, realized that we like to live separately much more. We managed to miss each other and our meetings again began to delight us.
He got much more freedom, which, as he said, he lacks so much, the absence of “brain removal” on my part, and as for me, it’s less waste of my already shattered nerves, less tears, more attention, care and love for my son.
But nevertheless, we continued to call each other every day, see each other almost every day, especially since we live very close by. I stopped tormenting him with my, as he liked to say, “interrogations” about how and where he spent his time, to whom and why he calls and writes, it was calmer for us.
Over time, his life became a “closed door” for me.
It even got to the point that from just looking at each other, we both flared up like fire, from hatred and disgust.
Time goes by, our son is growing, requests are increasing every day more and more, there is a catastrophic lack of money. When I started a conversation about this with my husband, he began to “feed” me with promises that he would find a permanent job, he would do everything for me, for his son, so that we would not need anything.
But, all promises, of course, were empty. I started looking for a job for myself.
Thank you very much to my parents, my brother, for the support and for the enormous help they gave me, without them I would never have managed. Thanks to this, I got a good and permanent job to provide for myself and my child.
Again believing the words of my husband about his great love for me, that without us his life became terrible, that he misses me, I did not lose hope for the restoration of our family, our happiness, which we so dreamed of, but the actions spoke of the opposite. . Less and less of his time was allocated to me, to our child.
Talking about work turned our communication into a nightmare, I realized that a person is strong only in words and it’s impossible to wait for something really sensible from him.
I soon found a job. My schedule did not allow me to see my son as often as I would like, but, unfortunately, I could not do anything about it, because it was simply unbearable to live without money.
When things got better with my work, my husband began to ask me for money, as he said, in debt.
Of course, the money was never returned to me, not even half, but I gave it to him anyway, until I started to gradually take off my “rose-colored glasses”. I understood that there was not enough money again, that I was doing wrong and stupidly, because the money was far from being spent on me and my son.
I stopped doing it, which brought our relationship even closer to the end of a good communication, of course, at his suggestion. Accusations began in my direction, resentment and even more quarrels.
Everything led, in the end, to the fact that we simply ceased to be interested together. I proposed a divorce. He agreed without further questions.
I was the only one involved in the entire divorce process from the very beginning to the very end, he only signed the summons for me, which again I brought him from the court, and wrote a statement that he was not against the dissolution of the marriage. Two months later we were divorced.
Three months after the divorce, he asked: "Why did we get divorced?"
It's strange, but after a divorce, many couples "start to live anew." Someone gets divorced in order to diversify their family life, someone, having abandoned something or someone so familiar, understands that this is exactly what life is impossible without, which forever and firmly ties relationships into the most lasting a knot that can no longer be untied. But this is not my case.
My ex-husband suddenly came to life, began to look after me again, give unexpected and causeless gifts, offer to live together again, invite me on dates, again, almost forgotten, promises about a happy family life, that he would definitely find a permanent job.
But my "rose-colored glasses" have long been lying on the chest of drawers in my old life, in which he remained - my greatest love.
If the relationship has already exhausted itself and you understand that there will be no better, you should step over yourself and stop it.
No need to think that in your life you will never meet a good person who can breathe new life into you, with whom you will create a truly happy story.
No need to feel sorry for yourself and worry that a lonely life awaits you in the company of cats alone, you just need to let go of the old in order to start something really new, without any regrets and remorse.
When you see that there is absolutely no future with a person, no matter how strong your feelings and love are, you need to end this or this relationship will only destroy you. It is important not to fix your life on a person who does not make you happy. We must live on and move forward.
As the saying goes, you can't step into the same river twice. After all, even if you give a second, third or fifth chance to a person, nothing will change from this, anyway, in the end, everything will lead to what you wanted to run away from.
If both partners do not learn to negotiate and analyze the moments that led to the breakup for the first time, old problems are guaranteed to surface sooner or later and destroy everything again. Be careful and listen to your heart.
