How to decide on a divorce from your husband and finally leave him?
If the relationship with her husband has deteriorated so much that further normal life together seems simply unrealistic, you need to make, perhaps, the most important and difficult decision in your life and decide, finally, to file for divorce.
Are the reasons so serious?
If you started thinking about divorce, then there are certain reasons for that. But if you are an impulsive and windy nature, and such thoughts arise periodically, then probably the reasons are not so serious as to really part with your husband and demand a divorce from him.
So, the reasons for divorce can be as follows:
- Bad habits. Some of them are harmless, while others are not only very serious, but also dangerous for all family members (including the child). For example, if a spouse smokes, then this is, of course, unpleasant. And this can harm not only his health, but also the health of the child (if a man smokes at home and the smoke spreads through the apartment). But still, unfortunately, nicotine addiction is very common. And you can forgive her. But alcoholism can destroy a family and ruin the life of you and your child, just like drug addiction.
- Crime, imprisonment. If your spouse is a convicted person, then you probably have a hard time. But it all depends on how your marriage started, as well as what the crime was. Maybe the man was simply - simply set up, or he became a victim of lawlessness and corruption in the judicial system, and he himself did not want to do anything bad. Then it makes sense to wait for it, of course, if your feelings are mutual and strong. If the convicted person is punished for a serious act, for example, for murder, then think carefully: can you then treat your spouse in the same way as before? Will you be able to sleep peacefully, knowing that because of him someone's life was cut short? It is also important when the marriage was registered. If already during the serving of the sentence, then you probably knew what you were doing, although you might not be aware of all the features of the situation. If you have been together for a long time, then the decision will be very difficult, but it will certainly be influenced by the length of your family life.
- Treason. This reason is very common, but not all women perceive it as a serious reason for parting with her husband, there are those who forgive infidelity or turn a blind eye to her. In this case, it all depends on the particular man and his attitude towards you. If he is an "inveterate womanizer" who just needs communication with other women, but at the same time he worships you, appreciates, loves and is not going to quit, then either leave or just accept. If the betrayal was single and associated with temporary clouding or alcohol intoxication, then it makes sense to forgive everything, but tell the husband that the next fact of infidelity will be the last and will lead to a break in the relationship. If the spouse has a permanent mistress or even another family, then everything will depend only on your feelings. If you really love, then you should try to fight for your love. Change, start doing something, become desirable and a little unavailable for a man so that he understands whom he can lose.
- Violence. This reason is serious and unconditional. To endure tyranny and beatings is definitely not worth it, no matter how strong love is. You need to think about your future and the future of your children, if any, because at some point a man may not calculate his strength and just kill you.
- New love. If you fell in love, you should not "cut off the shoulder" and leave everything that was previously very dear to you. First, new feelings can be fleeting and erroneous. You probably just confused love with falling in love or sympathy. You will soon cool down, but you may not be able to get your spouse back. Secondly, the new companion may not treat you seriously, like another fan or mistress. And if you decide to divorce, then in the end you will be left with nothing. Of course, you can tell your husband about your emotions, but it's still better not to. Think: Will he forgive you? Will he be able to believe you again and live with you as he did before?
- Everyday problems. They can be different. It's one thing if the husband refuses to do something to provide for the family and, in general, does not take any part in life. And it is quite another matter if material difficulties have arisen through no fault of his, and he is trying to fix everything, but so far to no avail. In the first case, put an ultimatum, and in the second, be patient and provide moral support.
Weigh all the pros and cons of further living together
To begin with, cast aside your emotions, they are superfluous and can prevent you from making a balanced, final and, importantly, the only correct decision. So, cool it down, take a piece of paper, divide it in two and write down all the pros and cons of your married life. Remember and take into account everything: both good and not the best, and terrible. Write down the merits of your spouse and his shortcomings, take into account your attitude towards them, really look at things! Probably, what seems disgusting to you is actually not so terrible if you just turn a blind eye to it.
Try to imagine your life in a year, in two, ten years. Do you see your joint future with your spouse? And how do you see it? If further life is real and seems to you quite normal, then it makes sense to keep everything and give the man one last chance. If there is no future, or it seems to you gray and dull, then you should not force yourself to live like this, nothing good will come of it.
Some with a spouse, a joint life with whom has long been tired and causes only pain, is held back only by pity. And this feeling is perhaps the most disgusting that can only be. Pity has ruined the lives of millions of women, but has helped the same number of men on the verge of divorce, often through their own fault. Better to have pity on yourself and think about what you are missing by staying with your husband. You can love and be loved, you deserve better and more!
And one more important point: keeping a family for the sake of children is also not worth it, especially if “family” has long been just an empty word. Believe me, the child will not thank you for not taking away his dad, who does not love his mother and, in general, does not appreciate anyone. Frequent quarrels and disagreements (and they, provided there is no feelings, mutual understanding, mutual respect and desire to be together, are simply inevitable) can disturb the psyche of your son or daughter and affect the future life. And children also feel everything very subtly, and they will certainly notice that the father and mother are unhappy, constantly tense.
Try to change yourself and your attitude towards your spouse and marriage in general
If the reasons for divorce are not very serious, and you think that you can keep everything, then start with yourself. Change your attitude towards your husband, family life, and marriage. Look at a man differently and remember that once you fell in love with him for something, it means that he is dear and necessary to you. Try not to notice its flaws, but correct your mistakes. Start everything from scratch, as if there were no omissions. Live for today without thinking about what will happen tomorrow.
Serious talk
You should definitely tell your husband everything. Express all your complaints, doubts, tell us about your experiences and feelings. And be sure to listen to him, because counterarguments can make you look at the situation differently and radically reconsider your family life and your attitude towards it. You are probably too picky or overlooking something. In general, sit down and talk calmly: without raising your voice, without insulting, without unfounded and groundless reproaches.
How do you decide to have a conversation?
How to tell everything to your husband if you have made a decision? Do not wait, it will only make it worse. Tell everything directly and clearly, but not rudely, just present your spouse with a fact, but be sure to justify your decision. Listen to him, you are probably wrong, and you can still save your family. But do not make scandals and tantrums, they definitely will not help and will not correct the situation.
What if you can't decide to talk and say that you are going to file for divorce? You need to try to write a letter, for some it is much easier to express thoughts on paper.
What if the spouse is trying to keep?
A man who finds out that his wife has decided to divorce, of course, can try to keep her. And sometimes this is connected not so much with strong feelings, so much with the unwillingness to change anything, as well as with a strong fear of serious changes in life. What to do in this case? If your husband discourages you in every possible way, you need to tell him that everything has already been decided, and you are not going to change your mind because of empty words. A reasonable and loving man will perceive such words as an impetus for action, that is, he will do everything to keep you. In other words, he will prove that he is worthy of you and can make you happy. And if he succeeds, then it is probably worth postponing the divorce from your husband, in the end, you can always get it if you make that decision again.
But words can remain words, unfortunately, this is often the case. Many women believe promises and thereby deceive themselves and deprive themselves of another, better and normal life, expecting something fabulous, almost impossible. If the spouse only speaks beautifully and does not start doing something, you just need to pack up your things and leave. And don't forget to change your phone. It is also not worth giving a new address, so that the man does not have any ways to approach you. Otherwise, he may again say something that will give you hope and make you come back. If he realizes that he has almost lost you, he will finally begin to do something and keep promises.
Now you know what to do if you are having thoughts about divorce, but you cannot decide on it. You need to think it over well, make an informed decision and find the strength to say everything to your husband and leave him.
