How to calm down and stop being nervous: after a quarrel, divorce and parting?
Can lovers live together without quarrels? Practice shows that this is possible if there are mutually beneficial relations between people. That is, only people who are indifferent to each other live without quarrels and claims.
In other cases, disagreements cannot be avoided. Psychologists have identified the most frequent periods of crises in relations between the opposite sex: 1.5 years, 3, 5, 7, 14, 20 years. The first year and a half of cohabitation is estimated as a period of "grinding and getting used" to partners to each other.
It is from here that the concept of “civil marriage” originates, when lovers agree to try a joint life in order to guess whether they can live together for many years.
It has been noticed that the older a man and a woman are, the more difficult it is for them to adapt to each other. It is during periods of grinding that violent quarrels occur between lovers. Not everyone is able to quickly recover from the conflict.
Psychologists recommend in such cases to leave the "place of battle" and the "enemy" itself. If the area allows, then retire to the territory where you can calm down. If this is not possible, then go outside for fresh air. Walk to the store.
You can even walk into a mall and pretend you're going to shop and look at the merchandise. It's soothing! Or go to the nearest park, walk among the trees, take a deep puff of oxygen. You can use the breathing practice of Ujjayi Pranayama. To do this, you do not have to be a “guru” in yoga classes.
Let's take a closer look at this exercise. You can perform it both at home and on the street (secluded from people). When you take a deep breath through your nose, you slightly compress your glottis. This makes a slightly hissing sound. Exhale the air, also straining the larynx.
Then you can relax all the muscles of the face. Repeat this exercise up to 10 times. This breathing method has a warming and soothing effect. You can also sit on a bike and ride for a while, feeling a pleasant load in your legs.
Or go to the sports complex: play basketball, work out on the simulator. Experts recommend it even if you are a non-athletic person. The main thing is to relieve nervous tension.
How to calm down after a fight? Take a bath with rose petals
A good effect after physical exertion is given by relaxing baths with the addition of aero oils: fir, lemon, anise.
Once you have calmed down, return to your normal daily activities. Whether it is worth analyzing the conflict that has occurred with a partner or not - it all depends on the situation.
In any case, "heart-to-heart talk" gives an effect after both partners have found a balanced state.
Conflicts and their consequences
Are fights at 20 and 40 different? Oh sure. In youth, stressful situations are easier to pass. A partner with his "cockroaches" in his head is perceived more tolerantly. But years pass.
Due to habit and the accumulation of a burden of everyday worries, violent showdowns can turn into further cold silence. Some couples admit that they can live in this mode for weeks and months.
As a rule, such behavior does not lead to anything good. Sooner or later, the couple breaks up. Even if both partners unanimously made such a decision, this is a serious injury for them.
Typical behavior of victims after a break
We will not analyze the reasons why your couple expressed a desire to leave. It often happens that feelings fade away forever, and they are replaced by irritability and discontent. All family life turns into an endless stream of tears and abuse.
At this moment, someone in a couple may have an “outlet” - a lover or mistress. And now the "boiling point" reaches the limit, and the partner is already on his way to the door with suitcases. On the way, he shouts something like: “I will file for divorce myself. You will receive a court order."
What can you experience at this moment? It all depends on how often they themselves thought about the alleged breakup. Perhaps some will take a deep breath of relief, listening with pleasure to the sounds of silence.
But what about those who are not at all ready for such a twist of fate? Many men and women perceive the word "divorce" as "execution". Often they complain that life has come to a standstill, “hands down”, there is absolutely no desire to go further.
Such thoughts visit people, even when there are children and other loved ones behind them. Psychologists note that women are the most vulnerable and they will need more strength to "reborn from the ashes."
Although, it is not uncommon for men, also against the background of a divorce, to experience a deep nervous shock and choose the lifestyle of a “hermit”.
But on the other hand, the process of “pitying” oneself can be delayed and many risk committing the wrong actions. For example, often such “bachelorette parties” or “bachelor parties” occur with the use of alcoholic beverages.
Naturally, the mechanisms of emancipation work, under the influence of which a person can break loose. For example, he will begin to call the partner with whom he broke up. Call her back to talk about past relationships that are irrelevant to her.
There are cases when a woman “under a glass” complains to her friend about a departed man and gives in to emotions. Wanting to find out something, she goes to a new address to the former. When he opens the door for her, the woman behaves inappropriately.
Can throw a tantrum, claiming to have spent the best time on him. Believe me, this situation looks ugly. The next morning, remembering their behavior, such people feel miserable and wounded.
Therefore, if you decide to drink a strong drink and ease the soul of a loved one, do not overdo it! Much will depend on the friend who happens to hear all the "charms" of your divorce. If he is wise, he will let you cry, but will not approve of your crazy deeds.
What is the most depressing partner after a divorce? Most people say that they are worried - will they be able to arrange their personal lives after what happened?
How much will be in demand from the opposite sex? Therefore, many believe that "a wedge is knocked out with a wedge." They try to find another partner immediately.
Looking for a replacement for a loved one is not an option Psychologists emphasize that this is a gross mistake. All "surrogates" trying to fill the place of the former chosen one (chosen one) give only temporary relief. Disappointment and more bitterness may then follow.
Tip: Give yourself time to calm down. As the sages say: "In silence even muddy water settles."
What will be more effective for you - peace or, conversely, involvement in the hectic activities of public life - is up to you. To begin with, we will try to understand how to mitigate the acute period of the gap.
Despite the fact that there was a final break between the partners, there are many individuals who secretly hope that this is not the end. With hope, they pick up a ringing phone or listen for knocks on the door.
But you have to descend from heaven: you broke up with your partner forever. There are different opinions about the things and other household items of the chosen one that left. Is it worth getting rid of them?
Experts recommend collecting forgotten things: keys, razors, slippers, socks and returning them to your partner. Naturally, it is impossible to eliminate everything that reminds of the chosen one. Especially if a considerable number of lived years have been lived together. It is best to remove joint photos away.
How to calm down after a breakup? Put joint photos on the far shelf During this period, you will not be able to adequately respond to them. If possible, then leave for a while the apartment in which you lived with the chosen one. The likelihood that at first you will be tormented by bouts of longing is very high.
To switch yourself to other aspects of life, visit your close relatives. Blood ties can work wonders. The support and participation of relatives in this situation is the best balm for the soul.
If you are using medications as sedatives, then resort to them for a short period of time. After all, their action will be ineffective, since the course of your thoughts remains unchanged.
It's time to change your way of thinking. Perhaps at first you will be surprised that you have a lot of free time. What should you dedicate yourself to? Maybe try to rethink why you broke up with your partner?
How to calm down after parting with a loved one? Work on mistakes…
The most wrong thing is to pretend that nothing happened or blame the partner for breaking up. But you can demonstrate this in front of others. But be honest with yourself. As you know, we attract certain people to ourselves at the subconscious level.
So, we need it ourselves in the first place. Psychologists often emphasize that in any life drama, "work on the mistakes" should be done. Otherwise, we will meet in our personal lives the same undesirable type.
Is it worth stepping on the same rake twice? Many will smile, rubbing their bruised forehead, and agree that there is no desire. So, take a piece of paper and a pen. Label your very first fight with an ex.
Remember who was the instigator of the conflict and why it took place. Evaluate your reaction to the comments of the former chosen one. Who tried to settle the dispute: you or him?
Who was the first to reconcile? Analyze each major conflict in this way, and gather all the details into a coherent whole. It's not easy self-digging.
The main thing is to highlight the grain - why quarrels overlapped each other, problems were not solved, and the conflict "moved" even deeper, developing into a "chronic disease" of the couple. Highlight those main points where it was you who initiated the quarrels.
Try to understand the reason for your discontent at that moment. Thus, you will highlight your positive and negative traits in relationships with men.
The negative ones need to be worked on. If you are unable to cope with this yourself, do not be ashamed to ask a psychologist for help. In addition, visiting a specialist and talking with him is already a kind of relaxation.
How to stop being nervous after parting if there are common children? Be sure that the younger generation will understand without words that your cohabitation with a partner will not bring anything good in the future.
It is not worth hushing up the event, but setting the children against the father (mother) is an ignoble occupation. Your other half has proven to be a bad wife (husband), but as a parent, this personality can be flawless.
When the emotional storms subside, agree with the other half how you will take care of the children in the future. If it still hurts you to see your partner, then
try to keep his (her) meetings with your son or daughter out of your sight.
Divorce is not the end of life
An acute period of feelings has passed after a divorce or a final separation from a chosen one / chosen one. During this time, you were emotionally "sausage" and "shaking", and at times you were covered with depression in the blackest tones.
You begin to slowly smile and notice that you still managed to calm down. Gone is the constant desire to feel sorry for yourself and discuss with others your breakup with the second half. Well, if you find all the listed symptoms in yourself, it is time to read the following lines.
“Everything should be beautiful in a person: the face, and clothes, and the soul, and thoughts,” Chekhov once said. At first glance, such a banal and boring phrase, but it cannot be refuted. She is perfect for this situation.
In the acute period, while you were trying to survive the stress and calm down, the appearance may have faded into the background, or even into the background. Evaluate yourself objectively: when was the last time you had a manicure, hairstyle, face mask?
A man in a stressful period of life is also able to forget about the gym or about going to the store for new jeans. It would be naive to believe that the wound after a break with a once close person will heal in just a few weeks.
Most often, people cannot recover for 2-3 years. In some cases, the period may be extended. This does not necessarily translate into depression. A person may be afraid to start a new relationship with the opposite sex, denying even friendly communication (phobia).
