Relationship with an ex-boyfriend
There can be many reasons for breaking up a relationship, but there are only two options for breaking up: for good and for bad. This is the main vector that determines how to build relationships with the former further.
Consider the main options for relationships with ex-loved ones:
- friendship... "Aerobatics" of communication "after". According to psychologists, the ability to maintain good relations with former partners is a sign of the psychological maturity of a person. But here, too, there are pitfalls: often the basis for friendship is the hope of restoring closer communication. This is something to keep in mind and not fuel such hopes unless try # 2 is part of your plans. In this case, it is recommended either to adjust your behavior in an absolutely neutral direction, or to reduce meetings to a minimum. You should not choose this method of communication if only you are interested in restoring relationships: imposition is not the best method to return feelings. In addition, if you are already in a new relationship and intend to keep it, consider your partner's opinion on this matter. Not all men approve of even the most innocent relationship with an ex-boyfriend or husband.
- Friendly relationship... The ideal option for communication between exes who have no complaints about each other and do not harbor any illusions. In this case, periodic communication, interest (within the framework of a decent) in life or asking for help from the former does not pose a threat to new relationships or is not an obstacle to them. Although everything may not be smooth here, and under the guise of a friend, there may still be an ex-lover who is still hoping to restore his status.
- Communication "under duress"... Most often, this path of development of events occurs when there is a link between the former, even after parting. It can be a common business, children, social circle or work. That is, circumstances force communication. Of course, if the prospect of seeing your "ex" often is unacceptable for your nervous system, you can change jobs, split your business, or reconsider your social circle. Children are an exception here - your relationship with your ex-husband should not hurt them. But you also have no right to restrict their communication with your father, unless he is deprived of parental rights or the children themselves do not want to see him. If you have not been able to remain friends or friends, find a compromise in the form of "daddy days" and try not to speak badly about him.
- Sex without commitment... This option of communication can be chosen if it is impossible to live together, but sometimes it is possible to sleep. At the same time, on the one hand, there is good sex with a trusted partner without any obligations, on the other hand, the attachment, even just sexual, to the former greatly complicates the process of building new relationships. In addition, an open relationship can be perceived as such only by one of the partners, while the other can use this situation for a "comeback".
- Lack of communication at all... After a breakup, they choose this method of relationship when there is no turning back. The easiest way is to “burn bridges” when circumstances make it possible to exclude any contact with the former: moving to another city or another area, changing jobs, mobile numbers and places of possible intersection (common living space, company, places of rest and entertainment, etc.). The absence of common children and godchildren also greatly simplifies the process of complete "renewal". It is important to remember here that isolation games as revenge are not appropriate. If you are determined to "zero" your personal status and start life from scratch, immediately notify your ex. There is no need to give hope if it has no chance of incarnation.
- War... Worst option of all. Unfortunately, this method of communication is most often used by partners who cannot forgive an offense and do not want to voluntarily leave the life of a once loving person. Moreover, they can “poison” the life of the former (or former) both by open “military” actions and by the method of the Cold War. This option is dangerous in that love for children, intimate moments of life together, material dependence, and even a simple feeling of pity can be chosen as weapons. All this not only morally harasses both participants in the "battle", but also reduces the possibility of reconciliation to zero.
How to restore communication with your ex
Despite the fact that the statistics on the success of restoring relations between ex-spouses is not so comforting (according to research by American psychologists, only about 10% of remarriages are successful), one should not reject the attempt to regain former happiness. At least, if there are no prerequisites for the absolute failure of such an event.
Such prerequisites may be unacceptable habits or character traits that have not changed and will not change (both for him and for you), lack of feelings for the ex (or he has for you), etc. Also, do not harbor illusions about new happiness with a guilty ex-beloved if you cannot forgive and not remember his misdeeds.
Now let's move on to what needs to be done to "glue the cup" of relations again:
- Do a thorough self-examination to help you understand your true relationship with your ex.... Look inside yourself: do you really want to reunite, is there a chance to prevent another breakup. It is important to understand that it is impossible to radically change an adult, accomplished man. You can influence some points and correct the model of behavior, but it will not work to make another person out of him. And if the reason for the breakup was some act or habit of the man - think about whether you are ready to face the same problem again.
- Keep your emotions in check... Don't let your yearning for your ex run out in front of others, even if it's really bad. Smile, laugh, share your optimism - everyone should know that everything is fine with you. Especially him. Therefore, leave tears for the pillow and the most trusted friend. But you shouldn't overdo it either: hysterical laughter with sadness in the eyes looks at least not aesthetically pleasing.
- Go back in time... Rather, in those days when your relationship was only gaining momentum. Remember who you were then, what attracted him most to you. Bring back that carefree (funny, kind, mischievous, playful, etc.) girl who once turned his head. Walk, chat, do your favorite things - be happy! Let him want to be there again and share this happiness with you. Indeed, the routine of relationships often erases this beautiful image from us, and along with it, feelings are erased.
- Be attentive and welcoming... If you have managed to maintain a good relationship after the breakup, try to subtly cultivate it. You can periodically meet (with or without friends), go to the cinema or cafe, discuss interesting topics and events, and help each other. Fond memories from your past relationships are very effective at refreshing feelings: an acquaintance, a first kiss, comic moments or interesting adventures. Take an interest in his life, give advice (if he needs it). If you were the cause of the gap, do everything to fix it and so that he sees these fixes. But the main thing is not to be intrusive until he himself is ready for more.
Important! Before you establish communication with your ex, analyze his actions and attitude towards you. If he makes contact, is sincerely interested in you and everything that happens in your life, does not refuse help and does not avoid communication - there is every chance of success. Otherwise, it is better to direct all efforts to new, more promising relationships.
Basic prohibitions in relationships with ex
If you nevertheless decide to change your anger to mercy, or vice versa, are not going to give up your happiness to another and want to restore the relationship, remember the behaviors that can interfere with the implementation of your plans:
- ... Ignoring his presence, being rude and hysterical are steps that will only distance you from reuniting with your ex-loved one. Moreover, the showdown, including in public, by phone and in a not quite sober state. Controlling your feelings of jealousy will require special attention. Especially if the ex has a new relationship (or the new relationship is the reason for the breakup). In this case, no discussion of the rival and jealous attacks in his direction. You are the very courtesy and attractiveness. If he is still alone, you should not go to the other extreme and, regretting, constantly remind him of this.
- Unhappy Juliet... Another way women use to get back in touch with their ex is through pity. Rather, behavior that is aimed at arousing pity in a man. Constantly notifying your ex about how difficult, lonely, and problematic you are can put you in a status of a burden. Although the goal was simply to show how much you need it. Moreover, you cannot blame him for your troubles.
- Irrepressible activist... Excessive activity is also unacceptable - limit your interest in his life to measures of decency. You do not need to offer him your service in any form (cooking, cleaning, washing, treatment, etc.), arguing such services by the fact that he is alone, and it is not at all difficult for you. The same applies to frequent phone calls - control is no longer appropriate. Moreover, you should not try to bind him to yourself with financial "ties", work or business, you will either receive aggression in response, or you will pull everything on yourself.
- "Kind fairy... Do not hide your anger or resentment from him, he should know that at this stage you do not have the most positive feelings towards him. “Speak out” these emotions - with a psychologist, friends, relatives. If you can't tell him to his face - write a letter. If you can't send it, just burn it. The main thing is to let these feelings out, to live them. Therefore, it is a big mistake to put on a mask of welcoming and caring, if resentment gnaws inside.
How to communicate with an ex - watch the video:
Relationships with an ex or an ex is a tricky issue. You yourself must find the answer to it, since a lot depends on why you separated and how you did it. But the main thing that you must do in any case is to forgive your "ex", no matter what he has done, and to let go. And then time will tell.
