Why do men return after parting: the opinion of a psychologist
Why do men return to their exes? No, rather, it’s like this: why do they return at the moment when we have already suffered from our own, resigned themselves to the collapse of old love and parting, revived, perked up and finally found the strength to move on after the experience? And this must happen so that right now, on the threshold, like a devil from a snuff-box, which seemed long ago boarded up and covered with dust, the former lover appeared. What drives him? What is the psychology of the returnee?
Why they come back after breaking up: male psychology in 8 types
What was dear to us, we always want to fix itNot a single institution has yet bothered to give us official statistics with accurate data on how many men return to their wives and girls after breaking up and how it all ends. Folk wisdom says about a broken cup, which can no longer be glued. Family psychologists indistinctly mutter something about 30% - you must admit that the figure is not so small! And your heart anxiously froze at a crossroads and cannot decide in any way whether to slam the door in front of the ex's nose with a bang, or to open it wide and personally test the strength of the glued dishes.
Before deciding something, let's figure out what types of men have a habit of emerging from the past.
Lonely cowboy
Once he left you with his head held high, confident that he would easily find a new partner for himself. However, as time went on, our free hunter did not acquire a permanent girlfriend, casual passions tired, and the dusty bachelor den, cold bed and dumplings with scrambled eggs stood across the throat. "Ex" shook his brains, rustled with the leaves of his notebook and remembered about you.
However, no one claims that in this situation, in any case, you will play the role of an alternate airfield. The human psyche is tripled so that over time, the bad - skirmishes, disagreements, disagreements - are erased from memory, but good moments appear brighter. It starts to seem as if your couple really was made for each other, because once you were so good together! Perhaps, having pushed around for a while alone, the man sincerely began to yearn for you and, finally, rang your doorbell.
Sometimes a person can realize the value of something only by losing it. Owner
It is extremely difficult for a certain category of men to realize the fact that the woman, whom they previously considered theirs, is again free and free to start a relationship with whoever she wants. While the social circle of the former "half" is limited exclusively to friends and relatives, the owner does not even think about her. But as soon as a fan with serious intentions appears next to him, the "ex" gets into a fighting stance and begins to besiege the former lady of the heart with romantic signs of attention, declarations of love and pleas for a second chance. Alas, if you follow the lead of the “hero-lover”, after a while the conquered woman will again become uninteresting to him: for this type the main thing is to restore the right of property.
Connoisseur of beauty
Once upon a time you completely devoted yourself to your beloved. They stopped taking care of themselves with the same thoroughness, communicating, developing as a person, plunging headlong into the world of home comfort, rich borscht and - if by that time your couple managed to have children - diapers. The spouse did not appreciate the victim and quickly found one with a narrower waist and wider horizons. You did not become discouraged, as you should have taken for yourself and again turned into a charming young woman, able to show off a chiseled figure on the beach and wit in small talk. No wonder the unfaithful lover is cutting circles around you again!
Elusive Avenger
Do you think men who are able to spend a lot of time and a wagon of efforts to punish the girlfriend who left them exist only in the movies? Nothing like this! For such a person, there is nothing worse than seeing your happy face, while, in his opinion, you should be in deep mourning over your separation. And there is no sweeter revenge than, having returned everything to square one, to leave you yourself. Desirable, more painful.
Is it worth trusting the confessions of the former? Great experimenter
Unlike the type from the previous example, this man is absolutely sincere in his desire to start over. In search of new adventures, he is called not by a cold passion and not by conflicts in the family, but by an eternal thirst for new sensations. And how, I wonder, will it turn out with that woman? And with this one? Better or worse than you? He may well "go" to live with his mistress, and then show up home with a gorgeous bouquet in his hands and prayers of repentance in his tongue. Do not flatter yourself: as soon as a new attractive object for research flashes on the horizon, your practicing scientist will be carried away into the sunset.
One of the most common types of "experimenters" is not windy boyfriends at all, but husbands with a solid experience of family life. At home, everything is measured, boring, predictable. And the soul, struck down by a sudden midlife crisis, demands changes and new achievements. However, having gone to his mistress with a scandal, a man suddenly begins to understand: the novelty is boring, enchanting sex cannot compensate for the absence of some established habits, and the need to rub his characters with a young wife again is very tiring. And he begins to remember more and more often about the abandoned wife, albeit not so young and cheerful, but dear, beloved and understands him perfectly. If the ex-wife decides to accept the traitor back, the couple has every chance of reuniting.
Some realize their mistake, while others stumble over and over again. Good father
Children are a good reason for family restoration. A man who sincerely loves his child often makes a choice in his favor, so as not to leave the baby in a "half-hearted" family or in the care of a stepfather. Adequate spouses who know how to resolve their differences without mutual insults and tantrums can build a fairly successful union on such a basis, albeit without ardent love. But if the father and mother are not able to say five words to each other so as not to start a quarrel, there is not the slightest sense in returning: it will only harm them and the child.
Responsible
There is a separate category of men who piously believe that their ex-girlfriend will disappear without them. In order not to let the poor thing disappear in the wilds of everyday problems, to go downhill or lay hands on themselves, they return and, gritting their teeth, live together with the unloved one, consoling themselves with the thought of their own nobility.
Close together, apart boring
O! This is a very special category of families, the intensity of passions in which Shakespeare would have envied! Dishes in such houses beat in piles, objects whistle in the air like shells, and pets have their own corner where you can safely wait out the next storm that broke out between the owners. Any trifle, from a stranger's gaze on the street accidentally caught by a stranger to a yogurt not bought on time, can serve as a reason for a scandal and parting. However, after living for a while in separation, both begin to understand that they miss each other, and again converge. In fairness, it must be said that even the most temperamental man is not capable of doing this alone: both are the initiators of endless partings and reconciliation, until one of the couple gets tired of life in the eternal war zone.
Each parting leaves its mark on the heart Superglue for a broken cup: should you accept a repentant boyfriend or husband
The reason why the ex suddenly flared up with the desire to reconnect with you is not so important as the question of what to do with it. First of all, do not break the wood. Nostalgia is a strong thing, and in this case it will be actively supported by natural female pride (it is always nice to know that you could not be forgotten) and no less natural female pity - poor thing, he is so bad without me, he realized everything! Don't give in.
And only after thinking it over, analyzing past mistakes and discussing the prospects for living together, make a decision. If, during the time spent apart, you both matured, smoothed out the rough edges and learned to seek a compromise, anything is possible. But if people initially have different interests, needs and temperaments, they are doomed to step on the same rake again and again.
Be careful in your choice threefold, if during this time you managed to meet another man and until now he completely suits you. Collision with old love, which, as you know, does not rust, often turns our heads and pushes us to make mistakes. It seems that fate itself gives lovers a second chance! But try to honestly answer yourself: will you regret if you now rush headlong into the pool of passion? Is your windy crane, promising the seventh heaven and golden mountains, worth a break with a modest and reliable tit in its hands, which has never betrayed you? Maybe it makes sense to try to appreciate a little more what you already have?
Video: How to behave if the ex decided to return
There are very few infallible truths. Sometimes even popular wisdom is mistaken, and a glued cup serves faithfully for many years. Sometimes our wildest expectations are deceived, and the newly built relationship collapses with a bang on the heads of the reconnected couple. In any case, where it comes to feelings, you cannot do without some risk. Weigh, think, make a decision. And let it turn out to be the most correct.
