After the abuse. Rules of conduct for a family quarrel
Popular wisdom sounds: Lovely ones scold - only amuse themselves.
Indeed, what family or couple manages to avoid quarrels, even trivial ones. Quarrels, quarrels, conflicts are the companions of our life, be it family, work, the situation on the roads or in transport, communication on the Internet. All this is accompanied by a large amount, the nervous system, the human psyche suffers, the risk of cardiovascular diseases increases.
Quarrels in the family
The main thing to remember in conflicts: try to avoid quarrels and do not start pouring claims on your opponent first. If you are dissatisfied with something, try to say in a polite manner, a well-mannered person will always understand you and the conflict will be settled. If there is a person in front of you who is far from such concepts, you cannot understand him with convictions, a quarrel is inevitable, it is important not to lose your dignity in it. You should not throw insults, be rude, yell hysterically, give only facts and arguments without emotion. And even more so without assault!
Now let's talk how to avoid quarrels, and if they happened, then how to get out of the situation after a quarrel in a family environment.
First, you need to decide what the quarrel is for at all. Although often hardly anyone thinks about it, as a rule, quarrels arise in cases of complete misunderstanding between the parties, when emotions overwhelm people and there are not enough words or arguments.
Causes of family quarrels
Of course, there are many reasons for quarrels and they are different in every family. Rather, it is important to understand that quarrels in themselves are not so harmful, they should be taken as normal phenomena, as if the statements of truth in a relationship. This is so if they do not bring destruction, insult, or worse, physical beatings. The reasons for quarrels most often arise in the following positions:
- Confirming your opinion without taking into account the opinions of other family members. At the same time, disrespect for others, ardor of actions is manifested, offensive words are expressed, which often leads to long-term quarrels.
- Money. Insufficient or inappropriate waste, inconsistency of one family member with another.
- Homework. A woman has a big role in the family, because she expects help from her husband, children, parents, if they live together. In the event that no support is found, there is a reason for quarrels.
- Jealousy. Jealousy is often caused by mistrust between spouses. Therefore, it is important from the first days not to allow yourself a relationship that can be interpreted as unacceptable. Do not give a reason - and there will be no jealousy.
- Bad habits, most often associated with alcoholism. When the husband is late at work, he leaves home to his friends - companions, having spent a lot of time there. At the same time, family finances are wasted, distrust arises.
- Intimate problems. Dissatisfaction with one or both spouses in their sexual life leads to irritation and even nervous breakdowns,
Quarrels in the family - what to do
Quarrels between husband and wife are usually inevitable. It's another matter if two or three generations of people live in a family. Very often their interests, attitudes, attitudes and habits are fundamentally opposite. It is important to remember that adults cannot change the habits of young people. Remember yourself more often, because you were not so wise, economic and pragmatic.
Often, the mother-in-law is picky about the actions of the daughter-in-law, the mother-in-law is picky about the actions of the son-in-law. This is understandable, different time categories, views, attitudes towards things collided. The main thing to learn: teaching your family is not forbidden, but you do not need to teach ... And remember that it is easy to destroy with nagging and unfriendly looks - then you will not stick it together. Learn diplomacy, be wiser and kinder, and then there will be peace and understanding in your family!
Let's highlight a few rules on how to behave in a quarrel so as not to break the wood and end it with the least amount of losses.
How to behave in a quarrel
- Try not to be the first to start a quarrel, restrain yourself in every possible way and calmly state your claims. This, firstly, will allow the enemy to behave in the same way, and secondly, you will look proper and not turn into a person choking on hysterics. Remember the rule: "Whoever shouts is wrong."
- When making a complaint to a partner, state your grievances and try not to talk about him in a tone: "You are always to blame ..." it is insulting to hear from you ... ". In the first case, you present an ultimatum, in the second, you talk about your pain, your grievances. The difference is obvious, and the reaction to your comments will be much more productive.
- Respect your opponent, knowing his sore spots, never reproach or recall those facts that are purely personal for him and cause pain or suffering for him and his relatives.
- Do not sort things out in the presence of children, parents and strangers. You will make up, and those present during your quarrel will have a negative aftertaste. Especially with parents, because it is known that parents love their children with unconditional love and can be biased, which will affect the relationship with the daughter-in-law or son-in-law in the future.
- During a quarrel, you do not need to remember old grievances, say only what relates to this situation, otherwise the quarrel may turn into a grandiose scandal.
- Do not strive to have the last word with you; in a quarrel, it is not victory that is important, but the result of joint decisions.
- Remember what consequences a quarrel will bring to your relationship, how it will affect the attitude of the other side towards you, do not forget the main postulate: that it is more important for you to be right or be loved. You will be rewarded for your correct behavior!
How to start reconciliation
So the quarrel happened, it's time to make up. I must say right away that the first step towards reconciliation is the one who is stronger mentally and psychologically.
- Of course, first you need to calm down, analyze everything that happened, think it over and learn from what happened.
- Reconciliation should be started as soon as possible, as soon as the resentment subsided. Do not delay for several days, the longer your alienation lasts, the more difficult it is to start the world.
- Ask for forgiveness if you think that you are to blame for the quarrel, if the other side is to blame for you, but she does not take the first step, you do it with the words "Sorry that I did not understand you ..." or "Sorry that it happened ..." Hardly anyone will answer such words with a refusal to the world. It is always difficult for the first to take a step, pride does not allow. But if you think about it, what does pride have to do with it when it comes to two loving people.
- Don't know how to start, can't pronounce the words "I'm sorry .." because your guilt in the quarrel is less? Then, just remember, something funny, relaxed, tell a joke, turn on your favorite music. Prepare a tasty dish loved by the other side, do something useful, good, which has been expected from you for a long time ... Help to get out of a quarrel from your relationship if you think that the other half of the conflict is set for peace, but hesitates to do it.
And finally, it is better not to bring the matter to abuse, but nevertheless it is better than accumulating grievances, pain within oneself, the stagnation of which can lead to a breakdown and to worse consequences. A quarrel should not be a pretext for destruction, but for the creation of a new world between loved ones.
In conclusion, an excerpt from a poem by Nadezhda Moger, whose words are very appropriate here, I think they are well known to poetry lovers:
... ... ...
There is<сейчас>... Look into your eyes
And penetrate the soul
If the heart is disturbed by sadness -
Unleash your tears
Learn to forgive, understand
