Relationship quarrels. 7 reasons why quarrels in a couple are normal.
Conflicts and their constructive resolution are the only way to achieve harmony in a couple. Find out what you can gain if you stop avoiding fights.
1. you will start to trust each other more.
Conflicts that cannot be resolved quickly are so terrifying for many couples that they prefer to avoid them by any means. People consider such quarrels fatal for relationships. And absolutely in vain.
Attention! Only if you manage to talk without getting personal, but at the same time without suppressing your emotions, but on the contrary, making them available to your partner, such a quarrel will only strengthen your relationship. You will understand this when the storm is over.
Having survived one fight, you will be less afraid of the next. You will begin to trust your partner and yourself more, knowing that you are quite capable of coping with possible disagreements. As a result, you will not put off difficult conversations with your soul mate until the last. You will understand that it is better not to accumulate negative emotions, but to find out as soon as possible what is wrong.
2. You will feel much better after a fight.
Thus, if you manage to express your emotions and blow off steam, you will get rid of tension, anxiety and fear. This will positively affect both your mental health and physical health.
Of course, this does not mean that you need to pour all your toxic thoughts on your partner. Although sometimes it is better to express everything that has boiled up than to keep it inside and wait for everything to form by itself.
Greg Godek, author of Love: The Course They Forgot to Teach You in School, says the golden rule of ethics rarely works in real fights. Too careful talking will get you nowhere. Therefore, sometimes it is better to release all emotions in order to finally figure out what is wrong.
The only rule to follow in quarrels is not to hit your partner and not to throw heavy objects at him. For the rest - go ahead: make noise, slam doors, swear with the last words. Do whatever you feel like it will help.
Greg godek.
3. partner learns about your thoughts and feelings.
No matter how close you are, your partner cannot read your mind. He probably just doesn’t realize how much a topic hurts you.
At the same time, the question arises: how to convey your thoughts to your partner so that he perceives them correctly and is not offended? Especially if it's some kind of claim against him. How not to make him discouraged by your discontent?
Try not to blame, but to talk about your feelings, about how your partner's behavior affects you. Psychologists call these I-statements. For example, you might say, "I'm already fed up with your work." I - a statement conveying the same idea would sound like this: "I am very upset that you often come home late. I would like to spend more time together."
It is said that quarrels show all our worst features. But they can also bring out our best qualities if we manage the hardest part of them.
4. you will become closer.
During fights, you figure out what is important to your partner, what he loves, what he wants, how he builds boundaries, how flexible he is, what hurts him, and what he needs to feel better.
In the event that you quarreled because your half scatters socks around the apartment, the matter may be completely different. Perhaps the reason lies in respect and personal space, and not accuracy.
Greg godek.
There is another fact that cannot be ignored. Sex after a quarrel is worth almost any quarrel. And it will also make you closer to each other. In all senses.
5. you will understand that your soul mate is a separate person.
Quarrels very quickly dispel the illusion that you have already merged into one and achieved complete understanding. Even better if it never happens. So you can get to know each other from new sides all your life.
6. you will become a better person.
You learn to focus on what matters most. On the fact that your soul mate is very important to you and you want your loved one to be happy. So you become more patient, understanding and caring, learn to truly love.
When you are in the midst of a quarrel, you are clearly not up to fun. You feel disgusting. In a sense, quarrels are reminiscent of sports training. Is sweating at the gym always fun? No. But this is how you pump your weaknesses.
Greg godek.
To quarrel is to forge a sword out of steel. Only after hardening, after repeated immersion in hot oil and cold water, will a work of art be obtained that can survive any test. It's the same with your union.
7. You will realize that you don't have to be perfect.
Fighting shows that you are only human. Sometimes you're in a bad mood, sometimes you're stressed out, and sometimes you're just tired. Accordingly, your relationship cannot be perfect.
All your internal cockroaches, which you are aware or not aware of, will make themselves felt in close relationships. It's unavoidable.
When we fight, our inner children come into play. They are vulnerable and irrational. You seem to be two or three years old again. Therefore, when you are hurt, remember that it is the child who is doing it. To do this, you can keep a childhood photo of your loved one close at hand. Hedy Schleifer, licensed counseling psychologist, director of the Relationship Therapy Center.
Constant fights in relationships. Why do quarrels arise?
The fact that you are quarreling shows that you care about what happens between you. You still care about each other. Otherwise, you would not react so violently to what is happening, there would be no heat of passion. However, the quarrel also indicates that not everything between you is as perfect and smooth as we would like. There is some problem that is causing the conflict.
A quarrel indicates a change in the situation and that your relationship as a couple is developing. It is the controversial issues and conflict situations that arise between loving people that force them to work together to find a solution to the problem, to try to change and become better in order to keep their love.
Through quarrels that ended in reconciliation and conflicts from which they managed to find a way out together, couples take their relationship to a new level. Such shakes are a kind of test of the strength of feelings for a couple who wants to be together.
Why Relationship Disputes Occur
Sometimes conflict situations can arise if people are already in a bad mood before a quarrel or in a negative state after a working day, exhaustion. Also, the reason for its occurrence may be a lack of understanding on the other hand.
For example, a wife expects her husband to wash the dishes and clear the table after eating, but he does not, a conflict may arise. If the wife is busy and in a good mood, everything will work out, and she herself will be able to remove it, but otherwise it seems to be a trifle, or there may already be a reason or reason for a quarrel.
Conflict situations are almost always caused emotionally. Sometimes in a strong quarrel that started small, hurtful or unpleasant phrases like “I’m sorry I met you!”, “How could I ever let you become a part of my life ?!” Without even noticing, you can express everything that has boiled up and sore for several years. The result is discomfort, the mood of both deteriorates, the nerves are frayed, but there are no conclusions, and this is the worst outcome of the quarrel.
Similar situations can occur in those couples who love each other very much. This kind of quarrel only harms the relationship, and there are practically no results. You can move away from this in different ways: within an hour or after a few weeks. But, unfortunately, the fact of a quarrel can manifest itself after a while. There are certain rules for reducing the quarrel to the minimum damage for both.
1. A quarrel, if it has already arisen, must have a good reason. In the example, one could simply answer: “I don’t like that you don’t wash up after yourself and clear the table.”
2. If there is a mutual deviation from the topic of the quarrel, it is better to stop doing it.
3. It’s definitely not worth pointing out the shortcomings, for example, with the words “Sloppy, inattentive, frivolous”, because the problem is being discussed, and not the character of the person.
4. It is worth considering that if cleanliness is important to one person, it may not be so important to another.
5. Under no circumstances should you be frightened by a short departure from the apartment because a trifle can cause a divorce.
It is impossible to live life without quarrels. We fight with friends, parents and partner. There is nothing wrong with conflict, for it often leads to a solution to problems and clears the atmosphere: "After a thunderstorm, the sun always comes." It is important, however, to be able to argue constructively, that is, to conduct an open, honest discussion, without shouting and violence.
But how to argue calmly when negative emotions are “torn from within us”?
A quarrel at the beginning gives rise to anger, disagreement with the current situation. You should not suppress bad emotions in yourself, because in the end they will find a way out and break out with a vengeance at the least opportune moment.
Suppressed anger is a destructive force that carries a large energy charge. This energy can, however, be channeled into creative and beneficial activities, such as when you feel anger getting the better of you, go for a run in the park, clean your house, shake your carpets, go to the pool. Do something to keep anger from ruining your relationship.
At the beginning of the development of a relationship, it is impossible to predict everything, so men and women face various difficulties. It seems that everything is fine, but after a few days, misunderstandings, disputes, and then scandals begin. This is due to the fact that all people are different, and in relations with another person, one has to reckon with his desires and principles.
But not everyone is used to putting up, giving in and understanding, so already at the beginning of a relationship there are quarrels. Sometimes this ends with reconciliation and the realization of mistakes by each of the partners, but it also happens that couples break up. In this case, much depends on the woman herself, who can approach the situation as competently and wisely as possible. Terminating a relationship is much easier than coming up with a strategy for communicating with your loved one and finding mutual understanding with him. If you want to solve the problem, not run away from it, then check out the recommendations below.
Why do fights happen at the beginning of a relationship?
Many people wonder why there are quarrels at the very beginning of a relationship, and how long they will last. In fact, this is quite normal, because two completely different people want to start a life together. Do not forget that men and women are very different both in appearance and in thinking, so you should not hope that your loved one will perfectly understand you in everything.
First, pay attention to the fact that at the beginning of the relationship there is a grinding of characters, so in this case quarrels are inevitable. Someone conflicts very little, and someone cannot understand the partner, as a result of which quarrels occur. For example, you like to take a hot bath, and your boyfriend likes a refreshing cool shower.
In this case, the question arises regarding the purchase of plumbing, so sometimes you need to look for the most acceptable options for two. For many, quarrels occur exclusively at the initial stage of the relationship, because then people get used to each other and soberly evaluate all the pros and cons. If this person is perfect for you, then after a short amount of time you will find a common language and stop quarreling over trifles. If nothing changes between you, think about whether the person next to you is the same.
Perhaps end the relationship because of a quarrel?
It often happens that there is simply no strength left to endure a loved one, and parting seems to be the only logical option. This is a completely logical solution to the problem, but have you ever thought about what is the probability that everything will not be exactly the same with another man? Psychologists say that in order for the relationship between a man and a woman to be of high quality and normal, it is necessary to wait out the initial stage. But many do not have enough patience, which leads to parting.
Try not to pay attention to quarrels and scandals for a certain time, wait until the relationship between you normalizes. Do not forget that you can end the relationship at any time convenient for you. If you want to meet or live with your former lover again, then it is unlikely that everything will be the same for you. Try to go through this difficult stage for both of you, because if you want to be together, you will have to learn how to deal with difficulties. In this case, you should not listen to your mother or friends, because they do not know all the features of the relationship between you, and their advice will only confuse you.
How to deal with quarrels in a new relationship?
If you do not know how to stop endless quarrels and scandals, try to find the most alternative methods. For example, stop trying to prove anything to your partner. It may be an argument about who is cooking dinner today, or maybe you want your loved one to stop showing his softness in certain life situations. Therefore, first of all, you will need to work on yourself.
As soon as you develop in yourself a reluctance to argue, you will notice that the man has also ceased to prove his case. Do not allow yourself to raise your voice, because this raises a huge wall between you. Discuss any misunderstanding in a quiet, calm voice, trying to find a compromise.
Learn to respect other people's space. Even before starting a relationship, each of you had freedom, personal interests and hobbies that made you happy. After people create couples, there is a desire to control a partner and independently choose joint leisure. You should not do this, because in this way you will violate the feeling of inner comfort in your loved one and provoke a new quarrel.
Try to understand that a happy relationship is the ability to love, understand and appreciate a partner and his interests, regardless of your mood or principles. When you want to do something, focus on how you would like your loved one to treat you.
In every family, problems arise and conflict situations often occur. This is due to the fact that all people are different and sometimes thoughts about this or that do not coincide. This is how conflict arises. If this is familiar to a married couple, one should not be discouraged that the family is breaking up. Conflicts are normal and it is worth worrying if they are not, because this means that people accumulate all the negative energy and keep it in themselves. In this case, sooner or later, emotions will come out and everything will end pretty badly.
There are many positive aspects to family conflicts. Firstly, quarrels teach spouses to be patient with each other, to listen to the opinion of their soul mate, so after a surge of emotions, spouses become calmer.
Secondly, family quarrels further strengthen the relationship between spouses. If a husband and wife often quarrel, then this is a sign that their feelings have not cooled down yet, they still love each other and are not indifferent to the problems of their soul mate. A quarrel teaches you to analyze your behavior, your character and improve as a person.
Also, a family conflict helps to solve the problem, because of which the quarrel began. If the problem is not discussed, it will not go anywhere. Therefore, the dialogue, albeit in a raised tone, is better.
But there are also a number of negative aspects to the quarrel. Very often family quarrels are advertised. This is a huge mistake, because the family is a separate planet where there is no place for strangers. Family conflicts must take place within the family, and no one has the right to poke their nose into it.
Sometimes it happens that witnesses of marital scandals are children. This should never be allowed. Firstly, the child forms a bad opinion about his parents, and secondly, this is a very negative psychological factor.
Often in a quarrel, a wife or husband can offend their soul mate. This is another negative side of family conflicts. It can be very difficult to control oneself at such moments, but it is simply necessary to do it, because insults spoken in the hearts can hurt a lot and be remembered.
In a quarrel, you should not compare your soul mate with someone you know. This is a big mistake that forms certain complexes in a person, and can also cause more than one conflict.
Be that as it may, you should always think about your soul mate, respect and love her, then the family will be strong and no quarrels will destroy it.
and. quarrel, disagreement, contention, quarrel, (quarrel), quarrel, enmity, goats, disagreements, discord, hostility, discord, nonsense; opposite sex peace, harmony, friendship, harmony. Quarrels and strife, quarrels and intrigues. Wherever he comes, he will start a quarrel. He is at odds with everyone. We are in a quarrel with him, we do not bow. Every quarrel of the world is washed down. Quarreling does not lead to good. Quarrel in his family before the first sight. Children for toys, queens (for them) in a quarrel. | See also litter and litter. Quarrelsome, relating to a quarrel. Quarrelsome, quarrelsome, quarrelsome, quarrelsome. -vost, property is. To quarrel with whom, to settle discord, to be the cause of someone's quarrel, disagreement, disagreement. - with whom, to reckon with, to scold, to quarrel, to cook, to discord, to be at enmity. God forbid to quarrel, but God forbid and put up! They quarreled over trifles. The whole family quarreled. We quarreled all evening. They quarreled and separated. Quarrel cf. action verbally, quarrel. A quarrel, a quarrel who quarrels others or generally excites, incites quarrels. And he sends to the prison, Vasily, led thieves and ears and quarrels, Acts.
There are many ways to avoid constant quarrels in a relationship, but do we always use such advice? Constant fights in a relationship are not normal. If you see that the quarrels do not stop, then you should take a look at the suggested ways to stop this eternal struggle and start enjoying each other's company again. Remember that most quarrels arise when there is a misunderstanding.
1. Don't bring up the past
This is a huge step, and you just need to learn it. I would say that this is a key point if you want to stop constant quarrels. Stop bringing up the past! The past is the past, and the more you remember, the more quarrels will arise. Memories often evoke a lot of old emotions, and this will never work well for our current relationship.
2. Don't leave questions unresolved
I know that this is difficult, and you have probably heard about it more than once, but until the problem is solved and you feel resentment or anger, you should not go to bed with these emotions. This can make both of you even more offended, and the quarrel will drag on for a long time. Why not solve the problem before going to bed, or at least talk about it so that both feel better?
3. Learn to accept each other
Everyone in this world has its own shortcomings that you will have to face and put up with some of them. You have to accept each other for who you are. Your boyfriend never comes home with a bouquet of flowers and your girlfriend is constantly whining, but this is something you need to learn to accept.
4. Find the root of the problem
Every quarrel has its beginning and its root. If you find out what is the reason for this quarrel, then you can solve this problem and get rid of unnecessary quarrels. It won't be easy, but it's worth it!
5. Own yourself
One of my biggest problems is that when I start arguing, I lose control of myself and can't stop. It's hard to admit you're wrong, or take the blame. However, do it at least once. After all, this is the right decision that will make your partner appreciate you even more.
6. Ban on "But"
“But if you did this”, “but if you did that”, enough of this “but”, remove it from your vocabulary and forget that it exists. I used to use this “but” very often, and as soon as I got rid of it, all the quarrels stopped lasting so long. So curb your tongue!
7. Is it a recurring "performance"?
This and the same question constantly pops up, and every time a quarrel is started? The same thing over and over again? You didn't think it was a sign? If your quarrel revolves around one specific issue, why not sit down and calmly discuss everything and stop constantly quarreling over the same issue forever?
8. Remember it's important
Finally, never forget that your relationship is very important and should be cherished. After all, you are together for a reason. It's hard to remember this when you're fighting, but it's so important!
Constant quarrels with a guy. Instruction
1. Stop fighting with your loved one is much easier than it might seem. For starters, take preventive measures. To stop arguing with a guy, learn how to have a constructive dialogue. Learn to listen and hear your loved one, as well as explain your position without getting personal, without giving vent to your emotions. Teach your boyfriend the same.
2. To stop fighting with a guy, be willing to compromise. It is impossible to have the same point of view on all issues, and the interests of lovers will not always coincide. Therefore, the search for a third option that will suit both lovers can be a good way out of any conflict situation.
3. Stop quarreling with your loved one, learning to discuss problems and compromise will be easier. But sometimes emotions literally overwhelm, not allowing you to think carefully about the strategy of behavior. If you're ready to lash out at your boyfriend, try to get your emotions under control. Try the deep slow breathing technique, count to ten. During this time, emotions will subside a bit, and you will be able to understand that a calm discussion will give you much more than shouting and mutual reproaches.
4. You can stop quarreling with a guy if you sometimes let him cool down. If you have learned to control your emotions, then your boyfriend may not have such a skill. If this is the case, and your loved one starts up "with a half turn", let him cool his ardor. Sometimes it is helpful to move the conversation to another topic. By letting go of emotions, you will be able to resolve your problems much more effectively.
5. To stop fighting with your loved one, learn to switch and joke around. Psychologists have proven that humor and aggression are incompatible. Once you start laughing, you will no longer be able to quarrel with each other. And when you calm down, you can move on to discussing the situation. Sometimes instead of humor, you can use tenderness and affection. No guy can resist such a weapon in female hands.
note
After some time of "correct" behavior, lovers get used to this order of things. If at first such communication is difficult, then, over time, you will be better able to use these skills in resolving your conflicts.
Useful advice
If a fight does occur, apologize to each other. And after a while, try to solve the problem in a calm environment.
