Do husbands return to ex-wives after divorce?
A woman who has become an ex-wife should not think that divorce forever put an end to her previous relationship. At first, many people think so. But over time, when past grievances go away, and life makes it possible to compare and evaluate the merits and demerits of a broken marriage, many things are evaluated differently. Someone from the first day, someone eventually begins to think: how to get her husband back after a divorce?
If it seems that the difficult period in life - divorce and overcoming its consequences - has already passed, then you are wrong. When the thought “I want to return the old relationship” comes, you have hard times ahead of you. Restoring a marriage after a divorce is an experience and hard work, because you have to return the broken ties.
This period is difficult not only for a woman, but also for a man. If a husband wants to return after a divorce and return to the past, he will have to work no less than you. Be generous: help your husband with this! Keep in mind that the time has come when you must take the initiative, act with restraint and think about how to get your husband back after a divorce.
Steps towards each other
- If a little time has passed after the divorce, the emotional state leaves much to be desired. And sometimes even after a year it is not possible to cope with resentment and negative emotions associated with divorce. Remember, in a state of resentment and irritation, it is impossible to make the right decisions and return your husband. The calmer the woman, the more chances to return the marriage. A balanced psychological state is an advantage. In this case, the husband receives another argument in favor of returning to the family. Try to forget about claims to your husband, close your eyes to annoying shortcomings, focus on good qualities. After all, after weighing all the pros and cons, you have already decided to return the marriage.
- After a divorce, there is no trace of past feelings, and it is difficult to return them. But you and your husband have a lot in common, including a past that has a lot of good things in it. Memories of the old days can be the first joint steps towards the restoration of feelings. Old photographs of former life and children, videos of holidays and travels will be of help at this moment. Pay attention to yourself. Appearance, manner of communication, positive mood - everything should bring you back to the way you were at the beginning of the relationship. Despite the years lived and the divorce experienced, the husband should see in you the one who once conquered him. The main thing is not to overdo it! Imposition and pressure will not help to return the husband. You should not initiate meetings with your ex-husband. The experienced divorce requires reflection, time to think, evaluate what is happening and say to yourself: “I want everything back!”.
- Building a relationship with your husband takes a lot of effort. Be proactive and don't rely on chance. A woman is more emotional, and this advantage should be used. Think back to your first dates and how easy it was to get a guy back with just alternating affection and coldness. It's a good way to get feelings back.
Reason for divorce and chance of return
Whether husbands return after a divorce largely depends on the reasons they leave. Statistics show that every third divorced man wants to return to his former family, and 20% of them return to their wives. Usually this follows the realization of the reasons for the gap, rethinking of priorities, reassessment of values.
- The most common reason for a breakup is the departure of a husband to another, with whom he maintained a love affair while living in a family. Drastically changing his life, he deprives himself of a lot: his usual way of life, the care of his wife, who has become familiar, family authority, including among children. Only the loss of a marriage brings awareness of the significance of these intangible factors. In this case, the husband returns after a divorce, and the decision to restore the marriage depends only on the ex-wife.
- It happens that the husband shows his insolvency and this becomes the reason for leaving the family. Disagreements at work and an unsuccessful career, inability to earn money and, as a result, depression and alcohol abuse lead to the idea to start living from scratch. New relationships, according to the ex-husband, will help to strengthen in life. Often these hopes do not justify themselves. A new partner rarely agrees to endure difficulties, fail and solve financial problems together. Experience shows that you will not find such support as that of a former wife with a new partner. The most important thing in life is a wife and children. The husband returns after a divorce, but occupies a completely different position in the family and must constantly prove his worth to his wife.
- There are many cases when a woman leaves her husband herself for various reasons, being the initiator of a divorce. And then, having weighed all the pros and cons, he nevertheless decides to choose a former husband.
Interestingly, men do not experience a breakup easily. This is evidenced by the data that 30% of the clients of practicing psychologists are divorced husbands who have asked for help. There are various sexual disorders, depression, a decrease in interest in life. The peak of these symptoms occurs in the middle of the second year after the divorce, so psychologists have identified this problem as the "seventeenth month syndrome."
Consequences of leaving the family
And the main reason for this is the experience of disappointment. As a rule, ideas about “freedom”, hopes of meeting a special woman who will change her life and be able to return vivid feelings and extraordinary sexual sensations to her, are not justified, or are partially justified. The man does not receive the care and attention that were in the previous marriage. After euphoria, disappointment comes when a new partner in everyday life, in everyday life, turns out to be worse than his wife, and the “holiday” ends. There is a desire to compare the previous marriage with a new relationship, bright and joyful moments before the divorce are remembered. Gradually, a calmer and more sober assessment of the past and a desire to return everything appear. There is a rethinking of the values that he has lost, and disappointment in the newly created connections, there is a regret about the divorce.
Often a frustrated man leaves a new woman and leads a bachelor life, lives without the burden of responsibility, freely and carefree. But it quickly becomes clear that this is not good. For a man accustomed to a caring wife and comfort, it is not easy to live outside of marriage. There is a craving for excessive drinking and entertainment. If a woman is nearby, she suppresses the excessive desire for bad habits. In a couple, it is the woman who carries the load of the organizing principle, trying to return the male energy in the socially correct direction, suppressing destructive impulses. Family ties for many men are a stabilizing factor.
Part of being a bachelor is an intense sex life. Numerous partners require much more energy costs than a quiet married life. After a divorce, a man spends his resources to the maximum: both psychologically and physiologically. Receiving new sensations, he loses strength and efficiency. A tense intimate life after a divorce for many is possible only for a short period. Then there is a decrease in sexual activity.
Gradually, an understanding of the significance of such a function of the family as a psychotherapeutic one comes. Neither a new wife, nor a beautiful mistress, nor a casual partner is ready to take on the role of an adviser and friend. Years lived together, common grief and joy, achievements and defeats create a special bond between spouses. A man realizes that only his wife can be consulted in difficult life moments, psychological support came from her, and the family served as a reliable rear and protection from external adversity. It is no coincidence that psychologists say that two-thirds of divorced people consider their ex-wife more worthy than their current partner, and regret the divorce. The combination of these factors lead to the idea of returning the old relationship.
Maintaining a peaceful relationship after a divorce is beneficial for both ex-spouses. And often they help restore family ties. How to get your husband back after a divorce and restore relationships?
- Clearly state the reasons for the divorce. Recognize what led to the breakdown of marriage and divorce. You need to look for reasons in your own mistakes. You will have to decide whether it is possible to change something in yourself, accept, forgive and return the “former”, agree with the shortcomings. Try to soberly assess whether you can withstand the peculiarities of your husband's character, because it is unlikely that he can be radically changed. The same applies to your preferences: what are you willing to give up in favor of your ex-husband. Be realistic in your thoughts and dreams. You should not expect that when he returns after a divorce, he will become an angel. You need to clearly define the nature of the relationship that suits you.
- Don't impose. The ex-husband must make the decision to return on his own. But not without your efforts. You can create such conditions and circumstances that will push the husband to the right decision, and help him return. In this, you need to seek support from your mutual acquaintances and friends. Through them, you can find out how the ex-husband's life develops after a divorce, whether he is satisfied with his position, whether he regrets the breakup, whether he expresses a desire to return. If the information received gives hope, you can begin to take action. Don't expect quick results. Most likely, patience and endurance will be required for the husband to return after a divorce.
- The first task is to convey information about yourself to your ex-husband. This can be done through mutual acquaintances, expressing your thoughts about divorce and the desire to return the marriage.
What should he know?
- you remember the mistakes of your ex-husband, but you also realized your mistakes, so you understand the reasons for the divorce;
- after the experience, you look at marriage with different eyes, you know how to resolve the conflict, find a compromise and return peace to the family;
- you think that the fault lies with both, and if you wish, everything can be returned;
- you regret the loss of your marriage, and the children feel left out;
- you have experienced the pain of separation and divorce, have adjusted your life, but you realize that loneliness does not make you happy, and children grow up in an inferior family, and you hope that everything can be returned.
Such information will definitely push the ex-husband to take steps to return home. When meeting, try to mention the difficulties in your life, in raising a child after a divorce. The ex-husband must realize that you and the children need care and help. The moment when you can tell your husband: “I want to return our family” will definitely come. The last step should be your assurances that you, wanting to return family relationships, will not reproach for past sins and expect the same from him.
Most likely, these steps will lead you to the expected result: the husband will return after the divorce.
Of course, after the return of her husband, it will not be possible to pretend that nothing happened. It takes a lot of effort to get everything back. Both spouses have changed during the divorce. Surviving a return and returning feelings is psychologically difficult. But if both have a desire, everything is possible.
